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Clips from Married with Children - Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (S03E03)

"Me and the girls talked about it over lunch,"
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"and we all agree,"
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"you'll just have to get a second job."
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"You're that afraid I'll live out the year, Peg?"
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"What's wrong with you getting a second job?"
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"I would rather rip off my nose with a can opener."
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"I would rather bob for apples in a sewer."
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"I would rather have a catheter the size of a garden hose..."
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"before I get another job to pay for your shopping."
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"Think it over. We'll talk about it later."
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"Damn ants got the gum."
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"Oh, and Peg, by the way,"
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"have I told you today that I loved you?"
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"No, Al."
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"I know it's dinner time,"
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"but I wanted to catch you before you called in your order."
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"Gee, I'm glad you're here."
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"Oh, you looking for a job?"
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"It's for Al."
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"He really needs a second job."
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"I mean, he comes home from work,"
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"and has nothing to do but sit back and watch that TV."
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"That's no kind of life for a man."
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"This should revitalize him."
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""Chicken plucker.""
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"Pays more than a shoe salesman."
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"Uh-oh."
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""Must have good personality.""
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"Whoops. They want someone with experience."
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"You know,"
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"I have a friend that runs a pit-bull-training school."
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"Does Al have a protective cup?"
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"What for?"
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"I'll put it down as a maybe."
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"He could work his way up"
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"Mm, I don't know."
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"You've seen our bathroom."
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"And your children."
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""No skills, no experience,"
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"no brain required.""
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"Well, that's everything but his name."
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"Listen."
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""The Patty Brite company is looking for you"
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""of Patty Brite cosmetics."
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""Unlimited growth potential,"
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"Those are dollar signs, Peg."
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"Then it's settled."
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"Don't you think you should check with Al?"
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"you are your own best advertisement,"
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"Would your husband have a problem wearing makeup?"
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"Madam, my husband sells women's shoes."
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"Oh."
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"Well, at least"
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"that shows he'll do anything."
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"Ugh..."
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"Very good."
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"And, after a few months of selling Patty products,"
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"he'll be able to dump that day job."
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"I dumped my day job."
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"What was your day job?"
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"Phone sex."
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"You make that much?"
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"Oh, this is too good for Al. Tell me more."
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"Well, there are the Patty parties."
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"You go to parties?"
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"That's the job."
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"You see, you throw parties,"
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"have your friends over,"
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"then watch the products sell themselves"
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"while you just sit and do nothing."
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"Well, I can do that."
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"And to think I was just giving it away."
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"Well, what do I need to start?"
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"Just a deep and abiding belief in makeup,"
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"and our super-deluxe "Patty party starter" kit."
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"Well, how much does that cost?"
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"Oh, but that's just a drop in the bucket"
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"compared to your first month's commish."
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"Well, just how much commish are we talking about?"
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"Whoa!"
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"Will you take a check?"
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"Does it have to be good?"
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"No."
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"We'll just put a lien against your husband's wages."
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"I'm in!"
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"PEGGY: Yes,"
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"I did get last week's commish,"
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"Okay, here's this week's order."
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"One dozen Patty powder puffs,"
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"a quart of Chin-Away,"
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"one dozen"
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""He'll Think It's Someone Else's Eyes" liner,"
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"and one vat of "Unh" Perfume..."
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"Okay, thanks,"
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"and you have a Patty day too!"
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"We're sorry you didn't have enough money"
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"for you to eat, Dad."
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"Well, that's okay."
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"That sugar water really filled me up."
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"What matters is that you two had a nice, nutritious meal."
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"I just hope my begging and whining"
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"didn't bother you."
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"Well, not after we had the waiter kick you out."
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"Al, can I ask you something?"
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"No, we can't have any more children."
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"Not that."
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"If ever the day should come when I find a little job,"
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"Peg, if ever the day should come"
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"when somebody pays you for what you do,"
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"grab it and spend it quickly,"
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"because the world is coming to an end."
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"Thank you, Al."
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"Look what I made."
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"with Mom's name on it."
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"We love you, Mommy."
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"Save your breath."
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"Daddy said I could keep it."
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"Okay, Peg."
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"I know that Oprah isn't paying people"
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"to watch her show with their mouths open,"
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