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Clips from NewsRadio - Our Fiftieth Episode (S03E03)

maybe you wouldn't have the self-esteem problem

"maybe you wouldn't have the self-esteem problem"

NewsRadio

I am not 300 pounds!

"I am not 300 pounds!"

NewsRadio

The schools suck.

"The schools suck."

NewsRadio

Joe, you can't just make stuff up.

"Joe, you can't just make stuff up."

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I'm not. My on-air persona is.

"I'm not. My on-air persona is."

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I can't. He's crazy.

"I can't. He's crazy."

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Oh, well, so far, sir,

"Oh, well, so far, sir,"

NewsRadio

my research is pretty inconclusive.

"my research is pretty inconclusive."

NewsRadio

Well, people say they like the show?

"Well, people say they like the show?"

NewsRadio

You know, I can't really be sure yet.

"You know, I can't really be sure yet."

NewsRadio

I think this is the kind of problem you have to...

"I think this is the kind of problem you have to..."

NewsRadio

you know, throw more money at.

"you know, throw more money at."

NewsRadio

Okay, ten-four, Mr. James.

"Okay, ten-four, Mr. James."

NewsRadio

I think you're gonna kill me,

"I think you're gonna kill me,"

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but can we go back to the other way?

"but can we go back to the other way?"

NewsRadio

The second one we tried? I think it was the third.

"The second one we tried? I think it was the third."

NewsRadio

[♪]

"[♪]"

NewsRadio

[DOOR CLANGS SHUT, KEYS JANGLE]

"[DOOR CLANGS SHUT, KEYS JANGLE]"

NewsRadio

Tell me again.

"Tell me again."

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I just wanna go to sleep.

"I just wanna go to sleep."

NewsRadio

Look, it's your fault

"Look, it's your fault"

NewsRadio

my television privileges got revoked.

"my television privileges got revoked."

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to pretend to be a doctor.

"to pretend to be a doctor."

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inside my head.

"inside my head."

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Fine. Where was I?

"Fine. Where was I?"

NewsRadio

Oh, yes.

"Oh, yes."

NewsRadio

I guess because it would allow a mix-up to occur

"I guess because it would allow a mix-up to occur"

NewsRadio

that we, the viewer, would find amusing.

"that we, the viewer, would find amusing."

NewsRadio

Was it amusing?

"Was it amusing?"

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Not really.

"Not really."

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Because he didn't think he was good enough to get the job.

"Because he didn't think he was good enough to get the job."

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and Urkel had to explain himself,

"and Urkel had to explain himself,"

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the man was so impressed with his honesty

"the man was so impressed with his honesty"

NewsRadio

Thank you. You're too kind.

"Thank you. You're too kind."

NewsRadio

What do you say we get out of here?

"What do you say we get out of here?"

NewsRadio

could jimmy the latch,

"could jimmy the latch,"

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and we could be outside within minutes.

"and we could be outside within minutes."

NewsRadio

I think it would be better if we just went to sleep.

"I think it would be better if we just went to sleep."

NewsRadio

Yeah, okay. You're probably right.

"Yeah, okay. You're probably right."

NewsRadio

I told you it would work!

"I told you it would work!"

NewsRadio

Shhh.

"Shhh."

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Yes. Very.

"Yes. Very."

NewsRadio

Now, which way do we go?

"Now, which way do we go?"

NewsRadio

What do you mean?

"What do you mean?"

NewsRadio

I said we could get outside.

"I said we could get outside."

NewsRadio

And here we are. Outside.

"And here we are. Outside."

NewsRadio

But I thought we were going to escape!

"But I thought we were going to escape!"

NewsRadio

Oh, you've seen too many movies.

"Oh, you've seen too many movies."

NewsRadio

We simply scream and scream

"We simply scream and scream"

NewsRadio

Cigarette?

"Cigarette?"

NewsRadio

Again, I wasn't talking to you.

"Again, I wasn't talking to you."

NewsRadio

Cigarette...

"Cigarette..."

NewsRadio

prepare to pleasure me.

"prepare to pleasure me."

NewsRadio

All right. Well, this all appears to be in order.

"All right. Well, this all appears to be in order."

NewsRadio

I'll just need your signatures here and here,

"I'll just need your signatures here and here,"

NewsRadio

Okay. Thank you.

"Okay. Thank you."

NewsRadio

I'll be right back.

"I'll be right back."

NewsRadio

Well, Bill, it looks like

"Well, Bill, it looks like"

NewsRadio

we've been able to work this thing out legally.

"we've been able to work this thing out legally."

NewsRadio

They'll release you into our custody,

"They'll release you into our custody,"

NewsRadio

so long as you sign these papers agreeing

"so long as you sign these papers agreeing"

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that you won't sue anyone for their horrible mistake.

"that you won't sue anyone for their horrible mistake."

NewsRadio

Bill, you have nothing to gain by suing anyone.

"Bill, you have nothing to gain by suing anyone."

NewsRadio

No, no, no, no. Just--

"No, no, no, no. Just--"

NewsRadio

No, I'm not.

"No, I'm not."

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And I've never felt freer.

"And I've never felt freer."

NewsRadio

You know all those maddening little decisions

"You know all those maddening little decisions"

NewsRadio

that torment you all day long?

"that torment you all day long?"

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Here, someone else makes all the decisions for you.

"Here, someone else makes all the decisions for you."

NewsRadio

And you like that? I love it!

"And you like that? I love it!"

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No more wasting precious time trying to decide

"No more wasting precious time trying to decide"

NewsRadio

Bill?

"Bill?"

NewsRadio

Oh, really?

"Oh, really?"

NewsRadio

Then why did they elect me prime minister of Ward 15

"Then why did they elect me prime minister of Ward 15"

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I don't know.

"I don't know."

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A week. Maybe two.

"A week. Maybe two."

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Bill...

"Bill..."

NewsRadio

10:47.

"10:47."

NewsRadio

Give my regards to everyone at the office,

"Give my regards to everyone at the office,"

NewsRadio

What are you waiting for? It's snack time.

"What are you waiting for? It's snack time."

NewsRadio

What are they serving? Snacks!

"What are they serving? Snacks!"

NewsRadio

Lead the way, my good man!

"Lead the way, my good man!"

NewsRadio

Bill, come on.

"Bill, come on."

NewsRadio

You cannot vacation in a mental ward.

"You cannot vacation in a mental ward."

NewsRadio

See, I have a very stressful job.

"See, I have a very stressful job."

NewsRadio

All day long, it's just decisions, decisions, decisions.

"All day long, it's just decisions, decisions, decisions."

NewsRadio

I'm an air traffic controller.

"I'm an air traffic controller."

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I flip out, and I put my fist through a radar screen,

"I flip out, and I put my fist through a radar screen,"

NewsRadio

No, I-- I actually flip out.

"No, I-- I actually flip out."

NewsRadio

We've got a heart surgeon, a guy who designs bridges,

"We've got a heart surgeon, a guy who designs bridges,"

NewsRadio

a member of a SWAT team. Oh, we've even got a CEO of

"a member of a SWAT team. Oh, we've even got a CEO of"

NewsRadio

a very successful intergalactic spice-mining corporation.

"a very successful intergalactic spice-mining corporation."

NewsRadio

Gorzon the Merciless.

"Gorzon the Merciless."

NewsRadio

Yeah. Crazy like a fox.

"Yeah. Crazy like a fox."

NewsRadio

Let's go!

"Let's go!"

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Dave? Huh?

"Dave? Huh?"

NewsRadio

Come on, let's go. Oh, sorry.

"Come on, let's go. Oh, sorry."

NewsRadio

I was just thinking how--

"I was just thinking how--"

NewsRadio

How great it would be

"How great it would be"

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Heh. Like Lisa ever lets you make any decisions.

"Heh. Like Lisa ever lets you make any decisions."

NewsRadio

that the fake fighting isn't working?

"that the fake fighting isn't working?"

NewsRadio

Already did it. In fact,

"Already did it. In fact,"

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I told him to go exactly the opposite way.

"I told him to go exactly the opposite way."

NewsRadio

Which way is that?

"Which way is that?"

NewsRadio

I don't wanna do this.

"I don't wanna do this."

NewsRadio

JIMMY: Come on. Do what?

"JIMMY: Come on. Do what?"

NewsRadio

Hello. Welcome to The Real Deal with Lisa Miller

"Hello. Welcome to The Real Deal with Lisa Miller"

NewsRadio

and Joe Garrelli.

"and Joe Garrelli."

NewsRadio

Today we hope to have a frank discussion

"Today we hope to have a frank discussion"

NewsRadio

about the changing role of welfare in the city

"about the changing role of welfare in the city"

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and in our nation as a whole--

"and in our nation as a whole--"

NewsRadio

No, Joe, you may not.

"No, Joe, you may not."

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And in our nation as a whole--

"And in our nation as a whole--"

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Please. It's, uh, very important.

"Please. It's, uh, very important."

NewsRadio

What is it?

"What is it?"

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Lisa, we've worked together for some time,

"Lisa, we've worked together for some time,"

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and I know you as a competent and attractive young reporter.

"and I know you as a competent and attractive young reporter."

NewsRadio

And in the past few years,

"And in the past few years,"

NewsRadio

this fond respect has blossomed into love.

"this fond respect has blossomed into love."

NewsRadio

I can keep silent no longer.

"I can keep silent no longer."

NewsRadio

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