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Clips from NewsRadio - Our Fiftieth Episode (S03E03)

[SIREN CHIRPS]

"[SIREN CHIRPS]"

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he got arrested.

"he got arrested."

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For arguing with a meter maid?

"For arguing with a meter maid?"

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for observation.

"for observation."

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You don't look fine.

"You don't look fine."

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And then you'd make a few notes on your clipboard,

"And then you'd make a few notes on your clipboard,"

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I see.

"I see."

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Like that. Thank you.

"Like that. Thank you."

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Mr. McNeal...

"Mr. McNeal..."

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No, because my name is Bill.

"No, because my name is Bill."

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That's not what it says here, Mike.

"That's not what it says here, Mike."

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Bill.

"Bill."

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And I'm not crazy.

"And I'm not crazy."

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Fred, give me the coat and the clipboard.

"Fred, give me the coat and the clipboard."

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Oh, you know what? Fine. Just trying to help.

"Oh, you know what? Fine. Just trying to help."

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Then why did you say "cigarette"?

"Then why did you say "cigarette"?"

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I was talking to the cigarette.

"I was talking to the cigarette."

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"crazy."

""crazy.""

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Cigarette for the good man, if you'd be so kind.

"Cigarette for the good man, if you'd be so kind."

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Name? Bill McNeal.

"Name? Bill McNeal."

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Don't be afraid, Mike.

"Don't be afraid, Mike."

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Fire good.

"Fire good."

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My name is not Mike.

"My name is not Mike."

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Someone obviously typed it up wrong on some paperwork, so--

"Someone obviously typed it up wrong on some paperwork, so--"

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Ulysses S. Grant,

"Ulysses S. Grant,"

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What, are you nuts?

"What, are you nuts?"

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Huh?

"Huh?"

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What's their opinion?

"What's their opinion?"

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See, now, the common man wants to hear you do a show

"See, now, the common man wants to hear you do a show"

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Thanks, Lisa.

"Thanks, Lisa."

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What, uh...?

"What, uh...?"

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What--? What do the real people think about my idea?

"What--? What do the real people think about my idea?"

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Ah, shoot. You poor thing. Where are you now?

"Ah, shoot. You poor thing. Where are you now?"

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to gauge their listening tastes.

"to gauge their listening tastes."

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Whatever it takes. Ten-four.

"Whatever it takes. Ten-four."

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There's been some sort of a misunderstanding.

"There's been some sort of a misunderstanding."

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You see, Bill isn't actually crazy.

"You see, Bill isn't actually crazy."

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He thinks that none of his friends like him.

"He thinks that none of his friends like him."

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unusual, at best.

"unusual, at best."

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he's been calling himself "Mike."

"he's been calling himself "Mike.""

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Could be delusional.

"Could be delusional."

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and he's one of the most capable and-- And reasonable and...

"and he's one of the most capable and-- And reasonable and..."

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Disservice by keeping him here.

"Disservice by keeping him here."

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Well, you may be right, but only time will tell.

"Well, you may be right, but only time will tell."

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Oh, look, this is outrageous.

"Oh, look, this is outrageous."

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Mr. Nelson.

"Mr. Nelson."

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This is not the ape cage at the zoo.

"This is not the ape cage at the zoo."

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Please, don't rile up the patients.

"Please, don't rile up the patients."

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Thank you, Mr. Nelson. See what you've started?

"Thank you, Mr. Nelson. See what you've started?"

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is the best in the world. End of story.

"is the best in the world. End of story."

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Well...then maybe you can explain

"Well...then maybe you can explain"

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That's a cup of coffee.

"That's a cup of coffee."

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or whatever that famous French school is.

"or whatever that famous French school is."

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No, it doesn't. You know what, Lisa?

"No, it doesn't. You know what, Lisa?"

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250, whatever. We'll be right back.

"250, whatever. We'll be right back."

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Look, to be completely honest with you, I agree.

"Look, to be completely honest with you, I agree."

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Well, tell him to knock it off.

"Well, tell him to knock it off."

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So, what does Johnny Lunchpail think of our new direction?

"So, what does Johnny Lunchpail think of our new direction?"

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Okay, then. Do it to it.

"Okay, then. Do it to it."

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Ah, th--

"Ah, th--"

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It had like a-- More of a Southern...

"It had like a-- More of a Southern..."

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I wasn't the one who ordered you

"I wasn't the one who ordered you"

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to the job interview instead of going himself.

"to the job interview instead of going himself."

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Then I must ask you again:

"Then I must ask you again:"

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But when the Urkelbot broke down

"But when the Urkelbot broke down"

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that he got the job.

"that he got the job."

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The end.

"The end."

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That was beautiful, Mike. Right, fellas?

"That was beautiful, Mike. Right, fellas?"

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[APPLAUSE]

"[APPLAUSE]"

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Think again.

"Think again."

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A tall guy like yourself,

"A tall guy like yourself,"

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with the guidance of a brilliant mastermind like myself,

"with the guidance of a brilliant mastermind like myself,"

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[SIGHS]

"[SIGHS]"

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You need to rest up.

"You need to rest up."

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Day two is usually when they start

"Day two is usually when they start"

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the electroshock treatment.

"the electroshock treatment."

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[LAUGHS]

"[LAUGHS]"

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Oh.

"Oh."

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until the orderlies bring us a ladder.

"until the orderlies bring us a ladder."

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Wonderful.

"Wonderful."

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No, thanks.

"No, thanks."

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and I'll need Mr. McNeal's signature right there.

"and I'll need Mr. McNeal's signature right there."

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Good morning, old friends.

"Good morning, old friends."

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You okay, honey?

"You okay, honey?"

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Never better, my sweet.

"Never better, my sweet."

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What brings you two here?

"What brings you two here?"

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I'm not signing these.

"I'm not signing these."

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I'm not signing these because I'm not leaving.

"I'm not signing these because I'm not leaving."

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Bill, you're locked up in a mental institution.

"Bill, you're locked up in a mental institution."

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eat now or eat later, eat more or eat less.

"eat now or eat later, eat more or eat less."

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And then, of course, there's the camaraderie.

"And then, of course, there's the camaraderie."

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I have some vacation days saved up.

"I have some vacation days saved up."

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[BELL RINGS]

"[BELL RINGS]"

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That can mean only one thing:

"That can mean only one thing:"

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Snack time.

"Snack time."

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and tell Beth I-- Prime Minister Mike?

"and tell Beth I-- Prime Minister Mike?"

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I'm not alone.

"I'm not alone."

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So I come here to get away from it all.

"So I come here to get away from it all."

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Well, what do you do?

"Well, what do you do?"

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Oh, yes.

"Oh, yes."

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so every six months or so,

"so every six months or so,"

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Perhaps you've heard of him.

"Perhaps you've heard of him."

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Look who's eatin' all the snacks.

"Look who's eatin' all the snacks."

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to never have to make any more decisions.

"to never have to make any more decisions."

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Mr. James, can you please tell Joe

"Mr. James, can you please tell Joe"

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The show will return when its regular host,

"The show will return when its regular host,"

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Bill McNeal, returns from vacation.

"Bill McNeal, returns from vacation."

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and she's trying to protect the inheritance?

"and she's trying to protect the inheritance?"

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I'm ready to sign those papers!

"I'm ready to sign those papers!"

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I want papers and a private jet after I get out.

"I want papers and a private jet after I get out."

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Yeah, we're gonna need the fire hose over here

"Yeah, we're gonna need the fire hose over here"

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No, Beth, I'm calling it off.

"No, Beth, I'm calling it off."

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Bill should be back to work tomorrow,

"Bill should be back to work tomorrow,"

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If you could give me more time--

"If you could give me more time--"

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It's over. Forget it.

"It's over. Forget it."

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Damn!

"Damn!"

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It's not that big a deal, all right?

"It's not that big a deal, all right?"

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I'll see you in about 15 minutes.

"I'll see you in about 15 minutes."

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Whatever. I'll see you when I see you.

"Whatever. I'll see you when I see you."

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Fine. Let's go.

"Fine. Let's go."

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