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Clips from King of the Hill - The Substitute Spanish Prisoner (S06E06)

"For anyone who did not get the extra credit question..."
King of the Hill
"Peggy Hill was the Substitute Teacher of the Year in 1996."
King of the Hill
"Okay."
King of the Hill
"""True or false?"
King of the Hill
"""has a larger area than a square of side 3."""
King of the Hill
"It's got the areas and your diameters."
King of the Hill
"-She stinks. -Of course I can."
King of the Hill
"I will not have time to explain number five."
King of the Hill
"so an RV with a heated steering wheel just makes sense."
King of the Hill
"which is $5,000 more than the deluxe cruiser."
King of the Hill
"And just what is that supposed to mean?"
King of the Hill
"Is that why you've always handled the retirement account?"
King of the Hill
"That's crazy. You know I just enjoy going to the bank."
King of the Hill
"Oh, Hank, I'm sorry."
King of the Hill
"The truth is, something else is upsetting me."
King of the Hill
"Oh, well, okay. You feel better?"
King of the Hill
"No! Hank, my entire life, I have always had all the answers."
King of the Hill
"You've said so lots of times."
King of the Hill
"Oh, God! What if I'm average?"
King of the Hill
"[grunting]"
King of the Hill
"Okay, Bobby, this needs to be official. Ready?"
King of the Hill
"Oh, yeah!"
King of the Hill
"""The 150 smartest people in Texas."
King of the Hill
"""Copies of the handsome official registry of members..."
King of the Hill
"""featuring your name, Peggy Hill..."
King of the Hill
"""may be purchased for only $39.99, a $59.99 value! """
King of the Hill
"-lnstitute? -Yeah. The lntelligence lnstitute."
King of the Hill
"They recommend that we buy 20 books..."
King of the Hill
"Twenty books, eh?"
King of the Hill
"Sounds like she is getting ripped off by them."
King of the Hill
"I should know. I lost a bundle to that gypsy modeling school."
King of the Hill
"I'm just saying, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
King of the Hill
"The books are almost $40 each. That is not a very good deal."
King of the Hill
"Well, it turns out those were part of a scam."
King of the Hill
"Oh, I wish my lenses were thicker."
King of the Hill
"I'm the provost of the lntelligence lnstitute."
King of the Hill
"[all gasping]"
King of the Hill
"I'd like to talk about an exciting way..."
King of the Hill
"To the max?"
King of the Hill
"through a series of super-concentrated, for-geniuses-only courses?"
King of the Hill
"-What? -What?"
King of the Hill
"-Yeah! -Yeah!"
King of the Hill
"It just seems like a lot of money."
King of the Hill
"and start calling chess games and such."
King of the Hill
"I would quit my job as a housekeeper at EconoSuites."
King of the Hill
"I'm Jimmy. I work at the car race where the cars race."
King of the Hill
"If I was Dr. Jimmy, no one would call me stupid."
King of the Hill
"-Well, I know-- -Give it back! Give it back to me!"
King of the Hill
"I hope you won't mind if I borrow Mrs. Hill?"
King of the Hill
"Well, let's think about that."
King of the Hill
"Well, my husband and l have been saving for our retirement."
King of the Hill
"Well, Peggy, with a PhD in hand..."
King of the Hill
"your earning power is gonna skyrocket."
King of the Hill
"I don't have to tell a genius what a doctor earns."
King of the Hill
"[Ceremonial graduation music playing]"
King of the Hill
"Say good morning to Dr. Peggy Hill!"
King of the Hill
"They sold you a PhD? For how much?"
King of the Hill
"-$999. -What?"
King of the Hill
"From our retirement account."
King of the Hill
"That was supposed to be our reward for all the years of responsibility!"
King of the Hill
"How could you do this, Peggy?"
King of the Hill
"with a bunch of con artists!"
King of the Hill
"Okay, so the only people who think I am smart enough to earn a doctorate..."
King of the Hill
"Anyone, Hank?"
King of the Hill
"-I'm a genius! -Okay, that's it."
King of the Hill
"I'm gonna leave you two geniuses right here while I clean up your mess."
King of the Hill
"And this is not a mess! And I'll clean it up!"
King of the Hill
"You are not a genius."
King of the Hill
"Look, what I mean is...."
King of the Hill
"Now, if we wanted to write a story about you losing our money..."
King of the Hill
"But if we want to do something that needs street smarts..."
King of the Hill
"Luckily, I have enough faith in me for the both of us."
King of the Hill
"I came for my money back."
King of the Hill
"No, no. Listen, I said you'd lose up to 30 pounds. Up to."
King of the Hill
"Didn't you read the fine print on your diploma?"
King of the Hill
"It clearly states, ""No refunds."""
King of the Hill
"Dr. Robert Vayzosa is a con artist."
King of the Hill
"-No! -What?"
King of the Hill
"Impossible! I've already received several graduation gifts."
King of the Hill
"Well, it turns out those intelligence tests tested nothing but our gullibility."
King of the Hill
"But we took the test!"
King of the Hill
"-Yes, I did. -I took it, too."
King of the Hill
"People, let me see if I can explain it another way."
King of the Hill
"Things are not always as they appear to be."
King of the Hill
"This looks like I pulled my thumb off."
King of the Hill
"Oh! She pulled her thumb off!"
King of the Hill
"No.... Vayzosa lied to us to get our money."
King of the Hill
"-Oh, my God! We were scammed! -He took us for saps."
King of the Hill
"What do we do now?"
King of the Hill
"And here is how it's gonna go down."
King of the Hill
"(Peggy) Vayzosa already kiows that Jimmy works at the race track,"
King of the Hill
"What he does iot kiow is that the mob fixes the drag races,,,"
King of the Hill
"aid Jimmy always kiows who's goiig to wii,"
King of the Hill
"(Peggy) I said it was a coi, Jimmy,"
King of the Hill
"where all of Arlei 's high rollers bet oi the races,"
King of the Hill
"We're goiia give him more of our moiey?"
King of the Hill
"Who's ready?"
King of the Hill
"We're gonna con him! Con him good!"
King of the Hill
"All right, all right. Here."
King of the Hill
"You lend me the money, I will cut you in."
King of the Hill
"Time to bait the hook. $1,000 apiece, please."
King of the Hill
"Vayzosa's already taken us for $8,000."
King of the Hill
"If I lose this, I'll have to be buried at sea."
King of the Hill
"You have my word they will put you in the ground."
King of the Hill
"[knocking on door]"
King of the Hill
"-Jimmy? -""I'm at the race track. I know who wins."
King of the Hill
"""Scott Yancy! """
King of the Hill
"Welcome to the gambling parlor. Your bet, sir?"
King of the Hill
"$2,000?"
King of the Hill
"It's almost like you have a hot tip."
King of the Hill
"(Tug) Aid ii the fourth race,,,"
King of the Hill
"Pretty good. Pretty good."
King of the Hill
"But, like my ex-wife used to say, ""Anybody can do it once."""
King of the Hill
"[cell phone ringing]"
King of the Hill
"Well, why not make this interesting?"
King of the Hill
"And it's Javier Martinez..."
King of the Hill
"the Wacko from Waco all the way!"
King of the Hill
"Your mother's a good woman."
King of the Hill
"She's just not a good woman with money."
King of the Hill
"Yeah. I just hope she doesn't lose that second $1,000."
King of the Hill
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