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Clips from Scrubs - My Jerks (S08E08)

"Quick, do something equals do!"
Scrubs
"Why would you do that?"
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"So, this intern that you mentioned earlier,"
Scrubs
"I'm sure eventually he turned into a pretty amazing doctor, didn't he?"
Scrubs
"We'll get there."
Scrubs
"Well, one's in case I get sad,"
Scrubs
"Well, see you tomorrow."
Scrubs
"We'll see."
Scrubs
"They're negative. What do you know about that?"
Scrubs
"Just like the 100 other tests we ordered"
Scrubs
"Why are you running that guy through the ringer?"
Scrubs
"In fact, I think I'm ordering one. And since you cried about it,"
Scrubs
"why don't you take him to radiology like a good little boy?"
Scrubs
"J.D.: Trying to teach a bunch of jerks..."
Scrubs
"I like him."
Scrubs
"in our first few years."
Scrubs
"Now, I know we never do great come medical awards season,"
Scrubs
"The Nielsens certainly beg to differ."
Scrubs
"That's new."
Scrubs
"You give a crap? Or are you just hoping"
Scrubs
"that by pointing out something new of mine,"
Scrubs
"I'll segue the conversation into talking about something new of yours, like..."
Scrubs
"Your new pre-pubescent Miami Vice beard."
Scrubs
"There was Katie, the self-centered climber..."
Scrubs
"McConaughey's."
Scrubs
"McConaughey is not a syndrome."
Scrubs
"I recently learned how I could lose him in ten days."
Scrubs
"Yeah, Katie got it."
Scrubs
"You know, it's ironic that cancer starts with "can,""
Scrubs
"Let's take a walk, sunshine. I..."
Scrubs
"- I've been there. - Revenge time."
Scrubs
"I start flirting with this dude,"
Scrubs
"to a personal meet-up here in the hospital,"
Scrubs
"- Wait a minute, you're HotGirl99? - Yeah."
Scrubs
"The new interns all suck."
Scrubs
"Yeah, but I'm going to handle it."
Scrubs
"Like you handled Jimmy, the overly-touchy orderly?"
Scrubs
"- Somebody looking for me? - No, Jimmy, we're fine."
Scrubs
"All right. Let me know if you need anything."
Scrubs
"Have you noticed he only touches above the waist now?"
Scrubs
"You know, our intern class was the last good one."
Scrubs
"Yeah, but, hello, Keith. I didn't."
Scrubs
"Dr. Kelso's replacement as Chief of Medicine,"
Scrubs
"Dr. Taylor Maddox."
Scrubs
"She was smoking hot, so first I had to see her like this."
Scrubs
"I don't want no other baby Want you again and again"
Scrubs
"J.D.: But then I noticed how friendly she seemed."
Scrubs
"No one could resist it. And I mean no one."
Scrubs
"Brava!"
Scrubs
"Okay. I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know about me."
Scrubs
"One, I have an open door policy."
Scrubs
"Two, if you do your job well, you're great with me, okay?"
Scrubs
"And three, I don't like spiders."
Scrubs
"I don't want you to put it into a little cup and take it outside,"
Scrubs
"because it'll just find its way back in, okay? They're sneaky."
Scrubs
"Oh! Can someone help that man to his room?"
Scrubs
"I'm just cold and there were no chairs."
Scrubs
"I'm... I'm a lawyer."
Scrubs
"Of course you are, sweetie."
Scrubs
"I'm on it."
Scrubs
"You okay? Does it hurt here? Or here?"
Scrubs
"How about here? Or under here?"
Scrubs
"No, I know"
Scrubs
"I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"I have a daughter of my own."
Scrubs
"J.D.: It's working."
Scrubs
"Big girl. Must have hurt."
Scrubs
"Wow!"
Scrubs
"so you were admitted to the hospital with shortness of breath?"
Scrubs
"Yeah."
Scrubs
"Maybe she's not so bad."
Scrubs
"- Why? - That position attracts jerks."
Scrubs
"Well, go."
Scrubs
"I know people are down on these new interns,"
Scrubs
"but everyone's teachable, you know?"
Scrubs
"You know, Katie's cutesy and blonde. You could call her Blair."
Scrubs
"Okay, let's gather round for rounds, get it?"
Scrubs
"Our first patient is presenting with"
Scrubs
"Would you mind turning off the beeping if you're gonna text?"
Scrubs
"- I'll turn it off. - Thank you."
Scrubs
"Upper right abdominal pain. What's your diagnosis, Jo?"
Scrubs
"Sorry, Mrs. Gallagher. You look very beautiful today."
Scrubs
"Yes. Yellow like the sun."
Scrubs
"- Ed, stop texting! - I'm not texting."
Scrubs
"I'm looking at photos of Sienna Miller's breasts."
Scrubs
"There's a difference."
Scrubs
"Okay, well, do that more later, when we're together."
Scrubs
"Jo, you were saying?"
Scrubs
"Cholecystitis! She has cholecystitis."
Scrubs
"- I'm gonna cut your throat. - Okay, that's enough, Jo. You too, Blair."
Scrubs
"If you want, you can call me Tootie. I don't think it's racist."
Scrubs
"Oh, fine. I'm Tootie and I know how to go on the web and bit torrent."
Scrubs
"You probably shouldn't be texting while you're leading rounds."
Scrubs
"- I'm... This is his phone. - It's not my phone."
Scrubs
"Oh, fine, it's not your phone? Hey, want a phone, buddy?"
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"All right, listen, I want you to run some renal function tests on Mr. Hicks."
Scrubs
"J.D.: Lie!"
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Katie is such a kiss-ass."
Scrubs
"Or, it's because she is incredibly whiny and self-involved,"
Scrubs
"Point proven. Thank you."
Scrubs
"That's enough, Blair."
Scrubs
"- Welcome! - Damn it."
Scrubs
"Okay. Listen up, guys."
Scrubs
"I gotta go take care of Mr. Hicks, so I need you guys to watch the floor."
Scrubs
"Monitor Mr. Lombardi's blood gas"
Scrubs
"and intubate him if he starts getting acidotic."
Scrubs
"Work as a team. You'll be all over it."
Scrubs
"Okay, nobody die!"
Scrubs
"Nobody die!"
Scrubs
"You, sir..."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. - Look,"
Scrubs
"over the last year or so, you've been going through a lot."
Scrubs
"You got engaged,"
Scrubs
"What are you saying, Carla?"
Scrubs
"This is why I come here every day."
Scrubs
"You come here every day? Loser."
Scrubs
"Really?"
Scrubs
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