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Clips from Scrubs - My Jerks (S08E08)

"There are those who say I look like a young Kenny Loggins."
Scrubs
"They started a week ago and they sucked."
Scrubs
"is consistent with which syndrome, Rodney?"
Scrubs
"Katie is sabotaging you, I assume, because she knows the answer."
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"Brown-Sequard Syndrome."
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"And there was Ed."
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"Ed, did you finish those case reports last night?"
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"I totally was gonna do it, man,"
Scrubs
"I signed up for a new account, HotGirl99."
Scrubs
"I'm like, "Oh, hey, I look just like Kate." And he's totally into it, right?"
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"You must have liked my class a little, seeing as you almost married me."
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"Hi. Hi."
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"She had the most infectious smile."
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"- No. - Yes."
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"Here it comes."
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"You proud fool."
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"So if you see one, I want you to stomp it."
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"I want you to stomp it dead, okay?"
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"Oh, no, I'm not sick."
Scrubs
"She's the new boss, Ted."
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"Jimmy, heel!"
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"- Slowly move. - No. Jimmy."
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"Slowly move. Don't rush anything."
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"Here, breathe on my face."
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"J.D.: Okay. Time to connect with the new Chief"
Scrubs
"using a picture of my son and some brilliant acting."
Scrubs
"- Is that your boy? - What's that? Oh, yeah."
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"His name is Sam."
Scrubs
"Now, seal the deal with a follow-up question,"
Scrubs
"but nothing too personal."
Scrubs
"Did you deliver vaginally?"
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"- Yes, that's right. - Okay, so I'm just gonna..."
Scrubs
"Die! Die! Die! Sorry, spider."
Scrubs
"A Chief of Medicine working one-on-one with a patient?"
Scrubs
"Plus, I know jerks. Hell, I married a jerk. I divorced a jerk..."
Scrubs
"- New freckle. - I'm interrupted by jerks."
Scrubs
"Look, just give me two minutes with this Maddox"
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"Pass."
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"- Even Jo. - Who?"
Scrubs
"of that street-wise, mannish girl on Facts of Life."
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"Blair is stupid."
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"But now I can never use it in front of Turk,"
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"Biliary colic and..."
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"- I know! - Course you do, Katie,"
Scrubs
"because you know anything that anyone's ever asked you, ever."
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"But I didn't ask you. I asked Jo."
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"Well, the patient definitely looks like hell, so..."
Scrubs
"that usually means that they're awake."
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"- Doesn't she? - Yeah, your jaundice makes you glow."
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"- Welcome! - Damn it!"
Scrubs
"W. T.H.?"
Scrubs
"You mean mini-Elliot?"
Scrubs
"What? That's what everybody's calling her."
Scrubs
"It's probably just because we are both blonde"
Scrubs
"and have perky boobs."
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"What nobody understands about me..."
Scrubs
"You're abrasive."
Scrubs
"Check every patient and switch out any lines that need changing."
Scrubs
"Somebody has some very soft hands."
Scrubs
"Dr. Kelso, now that you're retired, I can finally say this."
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"- I can't do it. - You'll get there, Ted."
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"Can you even believe Dr. Cox? Calling me whiny and self-involved."
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"Elliot, you know how we're so close we can say anything to each other, right?"
Scrubs
"It'd be easy for anyone to become a little self-absorbed."
Scrubs
"Mr. Hicks' renal tests came back negative."
Scrubs
"See, Bernie isn't just a patient, he's also my lover."
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"sturdy woman..."
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"- Like a shed. - No. Not like a shed."
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"Stop confusing me by being nice and giving me phones."
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"- Excuse me. - Yeah?"
Scrubs
"Do you think it would have been funny if he had broken his neck?"
Scrubs
"I was over there."
Scrubs
"Crash cart!"
Scrubs
"J.D.: Sometimes just two words are enough"
Scrubs
"to make your thoughts perfectly clear."
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"I do."
Scrubs
"...or apologizing for a major screw-up."
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"Promise."
Scrubs
"I don't know about that,"
Scrubs
"You've been saying that all day."
Scrubs
"Why don't you just go talk to her and figure it out once and for all?"
Scrubs
"Dude, internment camps are never funny."
Scrubs
"J.D.: I always forget that Turk is one-eighth Japanese."
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"- Of course. - And what would you say"
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"if I said he was my lover?"
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"I'd know that obviously you were joking because you are way out of his league."
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"I like you the best."
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"Well, she certainly doesn't think that I'm all about me."
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"I was just being honest."
Scrubs
"I'd want you to do the same for me if I was doing things I might regret later."
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"Hey, Blondie! Show me your rack."
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"No!"
Scrubs
"You probably don't even realize how devastated he still is."
Scrubs
"And now, on to our next patient. Let's go, bitches."
Scrubs
"Keith is not still devastated."
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"Yeah, Ted, I'm actually in charge of keeping a lot of people alive, so..."
Scrubs
"Carla's right, Keith's a mess."
Scrubs
"He's sad all the time."
Scrubs
"No one ever wants the person who hurt them"
Scrubs
"to ever see how badly they've been hurt."
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"J.D.: It's amazing how the exact same question"
Scrubs
"can have totally different connotations."
Scrubs
"Do you mind if I do a yogi chant? It relaxes the muscles."
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"- Do you feel that? - Mmm-hmm."
Scrubs
"But that's just Jimmy being Jimmy!"
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"I swear to you that will never happen again,"
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"Keith."
Scrubs
"to apologize for the way things ended between us."
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"I mean, I did say that I was so sorry right when it happened, remember?"
Scrubs
"I never stopped to think that you still may be hurting."
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"Thanks. That means a lot."
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"- Hug? - No."
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"Right."
Scrubs
"Honestly, he was so maddening"
Scrubs
"Do I know this intern?"
Scrubs
"Here comes the tongue-lashing."
Scrubs
"Why do you think I've been avoiding the new Chief?"
Scrubs
"Because if I do talk to her and she is indeed a jerk, then,"
Scrubs
"But you wanna know something? I'm tired, too."
Scrubs
"I don't know."
Scrubs
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