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Clips from The Simpsons - Who Shot Mr. Burns?: Part 1 (S06E06)

"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"
The Simpsons
"Is there nothing so intoxicating as the school hallway at early morn?"
The Simpsons
"The school normally doesn't smell so rank."
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"- Smells like one of van Houten's. - It does not."
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"Ralph, remember the time you thought the...?"
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"And it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight."
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"My name is Homer J. Simp..."
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"My Lord. Such destruction."
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"...I thought of the word "Skinner"?!"
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"No."
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"Before we draw up the budget..."
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"Ahoy there, dean. I understand you're taking suggestions from students, eh?"
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"Well, me and my fourth-form chums think it would be quite corking..."
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"That hotel's a dump and your monopoly's pathetic."
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"Then I'll just have to attack you. I must have that oil."
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"I guess they'd wanna be with their families or something, huh?"
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"- After that, she never forgot him. - That's all well and good."
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"But it's not really your idea, is it, now, Marge?"
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"It will all be a monument to futility when my plan comes to fruition."
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"- Oh, look. There's a photo in here. - Oh, yes."
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"Only the sour quince log, sir."
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"...till they enter Springfield High School, which has no oil well."
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"...for the very first time, here's our top student, Lisa Simpson."
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"Almost sexual, isn't it, Smithers?"
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"Huzzah!"
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"No."
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"To pay for the construction, operation and demolition of the derrick..."
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"...we have to cut nonessential programs. Music..."
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"What?"
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"Hey, if you guys are getting loaded off them fumes, I'll have to charge you."
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"Everybody out. As long as Burns is pumping oil, this bar is closed."
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"Damn Burns. Let me just get one thing."
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"The elementary school, local tavern, the old-age home. You must be proud."
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"...with free light, heat and energy."
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"No. No, Monty, I won't."
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"Oh, fiddlesticks."
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"Sorry, Grampa. It's just, for a second, it looked like Dad had melted."
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"Smithers, who is that ignoramus? Smithers, who is that lollygagger?"
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"Who is that blubber-pot? Who is that bafflewit?"
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"- Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! - Look out!"
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"What?"
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"That's my old Smith & Wesson."
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"Guns are dangerous. And I won't have them in this house."
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"Sir, a lot of people are stroking guns."
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"Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to a friend."
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"But he fired me."
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"- Oh, dear God. - It's not that bad. I mean..."
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"...I never miss Pardon My Zinger."
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"Perhaps I could sell him a little oil."
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"Very well. One last question."
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"I've been in Reno for six weeks. Did I miss anything?"
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"Eternal darkness. Well, that's just great."
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"Sorry, I was in the can."
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"Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about?"
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"Just a minute. This isn't Mr. Burns at all."
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"I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town's a suspect."
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"Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery."
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"Can you?"
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"Washbasin fresh. That funk must be coming from one of the classrooms."
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"Willie, sometime over the holiday weekend, the beloved grade-four gerbil..."
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"...Superdude, lost his life."
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"I need you to air out the classroom and give Superdude a proper burial."
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"You're lucky you're getting a decent burial."
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"What in the name of Saint Ephesiocritus...?"
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"What reeks?"
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"I need to send this parcel with the profit projections to Pete Porter in Pasadena."
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"- Pete Porter. Pass it on. - Pasadena. Promptly."
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"Here's your package, Mr. Burns."
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"My name is the return address, you senseless dunderpate."
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"I've worked here for 10 years and my boss doesn't even know my name."
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"Well, that's gonna change right now."
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"...son. - Sounded large when I ordered it."
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"I can't make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps."
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"Congratulations, gentlemen. Your custodian struck oil."
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"You're standing on top of the richest elementary school in the state."
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"We also found this."
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"Thank you. Superdude."
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"A nonprofit organization with oil? I won't allow it."
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"An oil well doesn't belong in the hands of..."
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"Sir, have you had enough exercise for this morning?"
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"Let's do another 20 miles."
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"Hello, Lenny, Carl, Guillermo. Hello..."
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"At the picnic, he thought my son Reynaldo was Rolando."
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"Can you believe it?"
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"Superintendent, we made the front page today."
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"- What's that say under your hand there? - Oh, it's an unrelated article."
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"It's an unrelated article."
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"Within the banner headline."
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"Yes. Now, to redirect our conversation..."
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"...I have ideas on spending this oil money."
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"Well, we could give each student a full college scholarship."
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"Oh, mercy."
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"I want a crystal bucket for my slop water. And a brand-new filthy blanket."
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"I'd like to start a jazz program in the music department."
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"We've got a great instructor lined up."
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"- Tito Puente! - Tito Puente!"
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"He's ready to give up the professional mambo circuit..."
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"Man, it would be my pleasure."
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"Lisa has told me all your students are as bright and dedicated to jazz as she is."
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"Let's go now, Mr. Puente."
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"Chocolate microscopes."
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"You know those guitars that are, like, double guitars, you know?"
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"More rubber stamps."
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"That's odd. I don't have a secretary."
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"Or an intercom. But send them in."
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"...if you'd sign over your oil well to the local energy concern."
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"Mr. Burns..."
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"It's naive of you to think I'd mistake this town's..."
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"...most prominent 104-year-old man for an elementary school student."
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"I want that oil well. I've got a monopoly to maintain."
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"I own the electric company, waterworks, plus the hotel on Baltic Avenue."
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"The oil well is not for sale, particularly to a black-hearted scoundrel like yourself."
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"I see."
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"Smithers. Smithers, help me subdue this beast."
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"Sorry, sir. This was all I could find. Take that. And that."
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"I'm happy for the school."
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"Sounds like this money is gonna provide new opportunities."
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"It is unfeasible to resurrect the dead, Bart."
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"And even if the Three Stooges were alive, I doubt they'd hang out with you."
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"Oh, I hate my job."
The Simpsons
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