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Clips from Family Guy - Shanksgiving (S18E18)

"Chris? But that's impossible."
Family Guy
"I've seen Chris standing up many times."
Family Guy
"Hey, Chris, I got two tickets for the Sox."
Family Guy
"-Wanna go? -You got it, Dad."
Family Guy
"Oh, charley horse."
Family Guy
"Oh, another charley horse, huh?"
Family Guy
"Well, you sit tight, Chris."
Family Guy
"I can just take Joe's brother-in-law Wendell."
Family Guy
"COMPUTER VOICE: Christopher."
Family Guy
"It's just Chris. I think you know that."
Family Guy
"The conjugal visit room is being used."
Family Guy
"So, does your foot reach?"
Family Guy
"Peter, enough. You ruined Thanksgiving."
Family Guy
"I have to host 20 people by myself."
Family Guy
"-You smoke now?! -Yeah."
Family Guy
"I have a husband in prison."
Family Guy
"That's who smokes, genius."
Family Guy
"Stewie, why do you look like 1976 Elton John?"
Family Guy
"I'm trying to keep a low profile."
Family Guy
"You know that old sitcom premise"
Family Guy
"where the kid has two dates to the prom?"
Family Guy
"Well, I, um..."
Family Guy
"I may sorta, kinda be engaged to four prisoners."
Family Guy
"You're what? Stewie, that's crazy."
Family Guy
"Oh, relax, Brian, I'm just humoring them."
Family Guy
"Stewie, don't forget,"
Family Guy
"we're meeting DJs tomorrow."
Family Guy
"Sure thing, Clint."
Family Guy
"But we'll see."
Family Guy
"How did you even meet these guys?"
Family Guy
"Easily. They were my pen pals."
Family Guy
"Yes. A lot of people write prisoners."
Family Guy
"Even Hollywood celebrity Kal Penn."
Family Guy
"Kal Penn writes a prisoner?"
Family Guy
"Yeah. Ken. Lives in California."
Family Guy
"You've never heard of Kal Penn's pen pal Ken"
Family Guy
"in the Cal pen?"
Family Guy
"How could I possibly have heard of Kal Penn's"
Family Guy
"pen pal Ken in the Cal pen?"
Family Guy
"¶ Well, I do get a yen every now and then ¶"
Family Guy
"¶ And he'll do it again ¶"
Family Guy
"Phil Spector's in this prison."
Family Guy
"Kid, I know talent and shooting waitresses in the mouth,"
Family Guy
"and you've got talent."
Family Guy
"We're gonna make a record."
Family Guy
"God, every crevice of this prison is terrifying."
Family Guy
"Eh, it's not so bad."
Family Guy
"I made one-eye contact with Bill Cosby."
Family Guy
"Three "wells" is never a good sign."
Family Guy
"-I think you guys have our lunches. -Called it."
Family Guy
"Uh, sorry, sir. We don't want any trouble."
Family Guy
"Yeah, we-we'll sit somewhere else."
Family Guy
"And whatever happens,"
Family Guy
"let's make sure we're not goaded into fights"
Family Guy
"by simple playground taunts."
Family Guy
"Damn. I was hoping for chicken."
Family Guy
"Aw, damn it, I lost a front tooth."
Family Guy
"Well, hopefully in the prison yearbook"
Family Guy
"I'll just look like a cute kindergartner."
Family Guy
"PETER (reading):"
Family Guy
"I'm starving."
Family Guy
"We haven't eaten since we got here."
Family Guy
"That's 'cause other prisoners keep taking our meals."
Family Guy
"And God knows what else they're gonna do to us."
Family Guy
"We have three more days here,"
Family Guy
"That's 'cause you don't have a gang"
Family Guy
"-to protect you. -A gang?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, when you're in a gang, no one will mess with you."
Family Guy
"That's why everyone joins one."
Family Guy
"I used to be in a gang."
Family Guy
"It was called the Republican party."
Family Guy
"So, how do we get into one of these gangs?"
Family Guy
"Actually, you guys showed up at the perfect time."
Family Guy
"Get in one, and you're home free."
Family Guy
"That's a great idea!"
Family Guy
"Let's celebrate by pretentiously analyzing some prison wine."
Family Guy
"(sniffs)"
Family Guy
"Okay, I'm getting notes of, um..."
Family Guy
"uh, well, feces."
Family Guy
"JOE: Speak for yourself, Peter."
Family Guy
"We're all definitely not cops."
Family Guy
"So you think firemen are cool?"
Family Guy
"Firemen cook spaghetti."
Family Guy
"And I think y'all know who I joined."
Family Guy
"Are you now Kareem Abdul-Jableeveland?"
Family Guy
"I am Kareem Abdul-Jableeveland."
Family Guy
"Hey, you know Muslims can't drink alcohol, right?"
Family Guy
"I am Cleveland "Hurricane" Carter."
Family Guy
"Well, Quagmire, guess it's just you and me now."
Family Guy
"Sorry, Peter, I'm in MS-13."
Family Guy
"-What? How? -It was easy."
Family Guy
"-I said I was loco. -Loco!"
Family Guy
"Well, I can be loco."
Family Guy
"I have a teardrop tattoo on my cheek."
Family Guy
"Where? I don't see it."
Family Guy
"Not-not that cheek."
Family Guy
"Peter, that's an unwiped watermelon seed."
Family Guy
"-Loco? -No. No loco."
Family Guy
"Hey, Peter, is that your baby over there?"
Family Guy
"We want fun. We want upbeat. And for our dance,"
Family Guy
"we want "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift."
Family Guy
"Great, great. I also have some more classic options,"
Family Guy
"-like "At Last." -(chuckles) Okay."
Family Guy
"So... so, what I need is someone I can work with."
Family Guy
"Can you be that person?"
Family Guy
"There you guys are. I haven't seen you all day."
Family Guy
"Me and the Not Cops were watching Die Hard"
Family Guy
"and not commenting"
Family Guy
"on the believability of the police work."
Family Guy
"Could John McClane really foil a giant heist"
Family Guy
"outside his jurisdiction, then just walk away"
Family Guy
"and do zero paperwork?"
Family Guy
"We don't know or care, 'cause we're not cops."
Family Guy
"And I got my law degree."
Family Guy
"I am now Cleveland J. Roman J. Israel,"
Family Guy
"and I will be wearing wine-colored suits."
Family Guy
"-You look crazy. -Well, in his defense,"
Family Guy
"the movie was set in the '70s, wasn't it?"
Family Guy
"No, it's modern-day."
Family Guy
"Oh, my stars."
Family Guy
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