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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.4 (S01E01)

We've been going hard.

"We've been going hard."

Chappelle's Show

I don't know if anybody has seen me on Donahue recently.

"I don't know if anybody has seen me on Donahue recently."

Chappelle's Show

Has anyone seen that? Thank God.

"Has anyone seen that? Thank God."

Chappelle's Show

'cause I'm thinking we're actually gonna have

"'cause I'm thinking we're actually gonna have"

Chappelle's Show

and they'll say the same things over and over again.

"and they'll say the same things over and over again."

Chappelle's Show

so halfway through the show, I just gave up.

"so halfway through the show, I just gave up."

Chappelle's Show

It was embarrassing, man.

"It was embarrassing, man."

Chappelle's Show

(man) You know what's happened?

"(man) You know what's happened?"

Chappelle's Show

is you have taken the white people and you have,

"is you have taken the white people and you have,"

Chappelle's Show

"A", made them angry, and, "B", you talk...

""A", made them angry, and, "B", you talk..."

Chappelle's Show

White people talk amongst each other...

"White people talk amongst each other..."

Chappelle's Show

When they see a black person

"When they see a black person"

Chappelle's Show

they say, "he is an affirmative action hire... "

"they say, "he is an affirmative action hire... ""

Chappelle's Show

(imitating nasally) "He's an affirmative action hire."

"(imitating nasally) "He's an affirmative action hire.""

Chappelle's Show

As you can see, though, from the tape,

"As you can see, though, from the tape,"

Chappelle's Show

All right, all right, let's take another look,

"All right, all right, let's take another look,"

Chappelle's Show

I think one of the underlying issues here is

"I think one of the underlying issues here is"

Chappelle's Show

affirmative action forces somebody...

"affirmative action forces somebody..."

Chappelle's Show

you're forcing people,

"you're forcing people,"

Chappelle's Show

I don't know about you gentlemen,

"I don't know about you gentlemen,"

Chappelle's Show

but I don't like to be forced.

"but I don't like to be forced."

Chappelle's Show

When I'm pushed,

"When I'm pushed,"

Chappelle's Show

I'm only pushed so far... and then I push back.

"I'm only pushed so far... and then I push back."

Chappelle's Show

What did you think? Black people was, like,

"What did you think? Black people was, like,"

Chappelle's Show

"no problem, boss, I'd love to!"

""no problem, boss, I'd love to!""

Chappelle's Show

Man, that was infuriating, man.

"Man, that was infuriating, man."

Chappelle's Show

Done and done.

"Done and done."

Chappelle's Show

The only thing that I would say,

"The only thing that I would say,"

Chappelle's Show

and come up with a plan for the money.

"and come up with a plan for the money."

Chappelle's Show

This is a consumer-based economy.

"This is a consumer-based economy."

Chappelle's Show

I wonder what would happen if someone actually did that.

"I wonder what would happen if someone actually did that."

Chappelle's Show

Hmm...

"Hmm..."

Chappelle's Show

(harp playing)

"(harp playing)"

Chappelle's Show

Good afternoon, I'm Chuck Taylor.

"Good afternoon, I'm Chuck Taylor."

Chappelle's Show

Frank Dobson died last night in his sleep.

"Frank Dobson died last night in his sleep."

Chappelle's Show

Our top story, as we all know,

"Our top story, as we all know,"

Chappelle's Show

congress recently approved paying over

"congress recently approved paying over"

Chappelle's Show

a trillion dollars to African Americans

"a trillion dollars to African Americans"

Chappelle's Show

as reparations for slavery.

"as reparations for slavery."

Chappelle's Show

Well, today the first checks were sent out.

"Well, today the first checks were sent out."

Chappelle's Show

Wendy Mullin is standing by live in Queens with more.

"Wendy Mullin is standing by live in Queens with more."

Chappelle's Show

Wendy?

"Wendy?"

Chappelle's Show

Thanks, Chuck. We're standing here in front

"Thanks, Chuck. We're standing here in front"

Chappelle's Show

of the Olympic Liquor Store in Queens,

"of the Olympic Liquor Store in Queens,"

Chappelle's Show

lined up for hours.

"lined up for hours."

Chappelle's Show

We spoke to a few of them earlier.

"We spoke to a few of them earlier."

Chappelle's Show

Ladies, may we get a word?

"Ladies, may we get a word?"

Chappelle's Show

With your broke ass!

"With your broke ass!"

Chappelle's Show

Sir, now that you've got your check,

"Sir, now that you've got your check,"

Chappelle's Show

do you plan on quitting your job driving this truck?

"do you plan on quitting your job driving this truck?"

Chappelle's Show

Truck driver?

"Truck driver?"

Chappelle's Show

I ain't no truck driver, I'm a janitor.

"I ain't no truck driver, I'm a janitor."

Chappelle's Show

Janitor?

"Janitor?"

Chappelle's Show

That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash.

"That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash."

Chappelle's Show

Now, I got enough cigarettes to last me and my family

"Now, I got enough cigarettes to last me and my family"

Chappelle's Show

for the rest of our lives.

"for the rest of our lives."

Chappelle's Show

So, Chuck, as you can see, it's been a pretty amazing day.

"So, Chuck, as you can see, it's been a pretty amazing day."

Chappelle's Show

Back to you.

"Back to you."

Chappelle's Show

Wait, Wendy, let me get this straight.

"Wait, Wendy, let me get this straight."

Chappelle's Show

Well, Chuck, that's because banks hate black people,

"Well, Chuck, that's because banks hate black people,"

Chappelle's Show

but I think that's about to change.

"but I think that's about to change."

Chappelle's Show

Back to you.

"Back to you."

Chappelle's Show

I bet you're right, Wendy.

"I bet you're right, Wendy."

Chappelle's Show

Hot damn almighty,

"Hot damn almighty,"

Chappelle's Show

I bet you're right.

"I bet you're right."

Chappelle's Show

Well, these checks aren't just affecting things on Beat Street.

"Well, these checks aren't just affecting things on Beat Street."

Chappelle's Show

Michael, what's happening?

"Michael, what's happening?"

Chappelle's Show

after the news that two million

"after the news that two million"

Chappelle's Show

delinquent phone bills have been paid

"delinquent phone bills have been paid"

Chappelle's Show

Gold is way up.

"Gold is way up."

Chappelle's Show

Oil has dropped to $1.50 a barrel,

"Oil has dropped to $1.50 a barrel,"

Chappelle's Show

however, watermelon is surprisingly flat,

"however, watermelon is surprisingly flat,"

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defying many analysts out there.

"defying many analysts out there."

Chappelle's Show

Chuck, get this, 8,000 record labels

"Chuck, get this, 8,000 record labels"

Chappelle's Show

have been started in the last hour.

"have been started in the last hour."

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Cadillac announced that they sold three million

"Cadillac announced that they sold three million"

Chappelle's Show

Escalade trucks this afternoon alone.

"Escalade trucks this afternoon alone."

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It's incredible, Chuck,

"It's incredible, Chuck,"

Chappelle's Show

to give this money right back to us.

"to give this money right back to us."

Chappelle's Show

Folks, I am happy to report that

"Folks, I am happy to report that"

Chappelle's Show

the recession is now officially over,

"the recession is now officially over,"

Chappelle's Show

and we have nobody to thank,

"and we have nobody to thank,"

Chappelle's Show

but all these black people,

"but all these black people,"

Chappelle's Show

fancy cars, and, of course, gaudy jewelry.

"fancy cars, and, of course, gaudy jewelry."

Chappelle's Show

Uh, Chuck, I can't believe my ears,

"Uh, Chuck, I can't believe my ears,"

Chappelle's Show

the news just keeps rolling in here.

"the news just keeps rolling in here."

Chappelle's Show

I have just been told that Fubu...

"I have just been told that Fubu..."

Chappelle's Show

after merging with Kentucky Fried Chicken.

"after merging with Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Chappelle's Show

no matter how hard we try.

"no matter how hard we try."

Chappelle's Show

We're gonna take a short break, but when we come back,

"We're gonna take a short break, but when we come back,"

Chappelle's Show

the crime rate has fallen to 0%.

"the crime rate has fallen to 0%."

Chappelle's Show

How could that be?

"How could that be?"

Chappelle's Show

Did the Mexicans get money today too?

"Did the Mexicans get money today too?"

Chappelle's Show

Listen, I think we'll be all right.

"Listen, I think we'll be all right."

Chappelle's Show

Now, if this was Telemundo... (laughing)

"Now, if this was Telemundo... (laughing)"

Chappelle's Show

A-hotchy-cotchy hotchy-cotchy.

"A-hotchy-cotchy hotchy-cotchy."

Chappelle's Show

'cause we'll be here when you get back, chilling.

"'cause we'll be here when you get back, chilling."

Chappelle's Show

Man, I'm bored.

"Man, I'm bored."

Chappelle's Show

I gotta go to the Chappelle show.

"I gotta go to the Chappelle show."

Chappelle's Show

A secret 1986 document from a major tobacco company

"A secret 1986 document from a major tobacco company"

Chappelle's Show

increased alertness,

"increased alertness,"

Chappelle's Show

rises in short-term memory,

"rises in short-term memory,"

Chappelle's Show

and can have a calming effect on nerves."

"and can have a calming effect on nerves.""

Chappelle's Show

And, you know, they're not bad after unprotected sex

"And, you know, they're not bad after unprotected sex"

Chappelle's Show

with multiple partners, either.

"with multiple partners, either."

Chappelle's Show

Hey, Scooter, you trying to get some of this?

"Hey, Scooter, you trying to get some of this?"

Chappelle's Show

Come on, dog, look how cool I look.

"Come on, dog, look how cool I look."

Chappelle's Show

I was talking 'bout the cigarettes,

"I was talking 'bout the cigarettes,"

Chappelle's Show

but come on in!

"but come on in!"

Chappelle's Show

of the best-looking audiences I've ever seen in my life.

"of the best-looking audiences I've ever seen in my life."

Chappelle's Show

I wouldn't lie to you.

"I wouldn't lie to you."

Chappelle's Show

I've been looking around from the back,

"I've been looking around from the back,"

Chappelle's Show

scoping out the ladies...

"scoping out the ladies..."

Chappelle's Show

you know what I like about ladies the most,

"you know what I like about ladies the most,"

Chappelle's Show

like, when I look at how beautiful they are?

"like, when I look at how beautiful they are?"

Chappelle's Show

I'm sorry to say it, there's something about boobs.

"I'm sorry to say it, there's something about boobs."

Chappelle's Show

I mean, you know, I can't explain it.

"I mean, you know, I can't explain it."

Chappelle's Show

It's just, you know, especially, in the summertime,

"It's just, you know, especially, in the summertime,"

Chappelle's Show

when y'all girls in New York be, like,

"when y'all girls in New York be, like,"

Chappelle's Show

before you pack them away for the winter.

"before you pack them away for the winter."

Chappelle's Show

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