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Clips from Gilligan's Island - The Return of Wrongway Feldman (S01E01)

"- Good luck, darling. - You leave. I'll handle him."
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"I understand that you're really serious about not going back."
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"I'm sorry, Howell."
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"It's something you would know nothin' about."
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"It does not concern money."
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"No, no. You misjudge me. I've been doing a lot of thinking."
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"I don't even think about money anymore."
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"Why? Have we gone off the gold standard?"
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"No, no, you're laughing at me. I agree with you completely."
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"I think the world's in a terrible mess."
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"- You must be kidding. - No, no, I mean it."
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"It's a good thing that you're not over there"
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"now, with all that spendin' and buildin'."
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"Must be terrible."
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"Oh, with all the money wasted"
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"on factories, buildings high-rise apartments."
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"Awful."
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"And the rents. The landlords just rakin' it in."
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"Ghastly!"
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"And those flimsy new apartments in New York."
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"- They're so expensive. - I know, I know. I own one."
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"Oh, yes. I was surprised to find out"
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"that your rents are the lowest in that whole area."
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"Me? I have the lowest rents."
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"You will be happy to know that your building"
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"is the only one still under rent control."
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"Leave the others make the money, you have the peace of mind."
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"You couldn't stand it if you was there right now."
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"Why, the stock market's gone crazy."
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"People are makin' money hand over fist."
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"Land values are soarin', and the new tax cuts."
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"And the bank rates are goin' up. I tell you, that's a sickness."
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"Money, money, money."
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"Stop!"
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"[sobbing] Have you no mercy?"
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"(Wrong Way) 'Musicals are even worse than the dramas.'"
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"I've seen seven in New York."
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"There was one that was any good. It had this young girl in it."
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"- About your age. - Oh, yeah?"
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"She even looked like you."
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"Maybe you know her. Debbie Dorson."
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"- She was my roommate. - She's the toast of Broadway."
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"I met her back stage."
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"'Poor girl, with the reporters and photographers.'"
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"I could've had that part if I was there."
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"Oh, you're lucky, you didn't. Poor kid. No time for herself."
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"'Rushin' around with the movie office'"
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"'and the publicity stills and the interviews.'"
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"'What kind of life is that for a young girl?'"
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"That's alright, honey. You have a good cry."
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"I feel the same way about poor Debbie"
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"facin' a life like that."
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"I tried talking to him too, but he's determined to stay here."
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"But one thing for sure, hasn't been good on the morale here."
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"to jump of his steamer trunk."
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"I could fly that plane. Wrong Way taught me. Remember?"
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"It's ignition, contact, choke, throttle, stick, flaps."
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"Say, that's worth a try."
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"Flaps, choke, throttle, stick, contact?"
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"Never mind, Gilligan."
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"You couldn't make it to the cockpit."
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"Yes, a real good reason. Like an emergency or something."
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"Hey, that's it. A doctor!"
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"'When I was in the navy, we had to send to port for a doctor.'"
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"Maybe you've got something there."
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"I could pretend I was sick."
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"You won't have to pretend. You'll just mess it up."
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"I'll take care of this. You find Wrong Way while I get set."
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"[Skipper groaning]"
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"There he is, something's wrong with him."
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"- Where does it hurt? - Right here, Wrong Way."
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"It might be your appendix or you've eaten wild radishes."
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"I think it's my appendix, Wrong Way."
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"- He needs a doctor. - Right, he needs an operation."
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"- We have to get a doctor. - Not necessary, I'll do it."
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"You can take out an appendix?"
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"Of course, under battlefield conditions."
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"I've done it for my old friend, Bucky Lorenzo."
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"- But I think I need a doctor. - That's what Bucky said too."
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"But it come out beautifully."
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"Of course, I did make the incision a little too long"
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"but that didn't bother Old Bucky."
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"He just wore his bathing suit a little higher up."
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"I feel great. You won't have to operate after all."
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"They all say that. Hold him down, Gilligan."
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"What are you doing?"
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"Idiot, there's nothing wrong with me."
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"Oh, yeah. We have to get you out of here."
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"Alright, Gilligan, I'll be back. I gotta burn these instruments."
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"How can you operate without any anesthetic?"
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"I'll do what I did for Bucky. Hit him with a monkey wrench."
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"Oh, but, Wrong Way. You won't have to."
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"See, I feel great. Look, I'm dancing."
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"- Delirious, already. - I can run too. See?"
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"I guess, now's the time."
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"[Skipper screaming]"
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"Maybe it was the wild radishes, after all."
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"- How do you feel? - Fine."
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"Make this look good, Gilligan. It might be our last chance."
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"- I'll do my best. - Remember the symptoms."
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"You've gotta make him think that you've got Bola Bola Fever."
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"Dry mouth, stomach ache, dizziness, ringing ears"
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"and sore head."
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"Oh, yeah. I hope it'll look bad enough."
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"Don't worry, Gilligan. Just be yourself."
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"[Wrong Way shouting] 'Mary Ann!'"
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"Mary Ann, you've got any of that fried coconut left?"
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"[wheezing heavily]"
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"Gilligan, what is it?"
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"[continues wheezing]"
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"What's wrong?"
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"I got a dry mouth, stomach ache"
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"dizziness, ringing ears and a sore head."
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"Gilligan, little buddy. You look awful. What's the matter?"
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"I got a dry mouth.."
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"[whispering] You know."
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"He's been staggering along.."
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"What do you think, Wrong Way?"
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"Could be Jungle Fever, then it.."
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"[Gilligan laughing and moaning]"
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