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Clips from The Cleveland Show - A Cleveland Brown Christmas (S01E01)

"- All right, then pick one. - I got one right here."
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"My real dad knew how to pick out a tree."
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"Ow, bitch! Ow. What the hell?"
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"Well, Rallo, when you're older, there are things that..."
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"The bubbles tickle my nose."
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"Great. Well, I'm gonna..."
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"Round yon virgin"
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"Oh, you mean body size. Yeah, why?"
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"...well, I could see that across the room. - Excuse me?"
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"...just to bring it out on Christmas as a prop?"
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"Oh, I'm sure your stepdad is doing the best he can."
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"Ha. You got a second?"
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"I'm sure that sounds nothing like him."
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"And you should see what my bozo stepdad calls a mustache."
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"Oh, hell, no. His mustache is cool."
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"And your dad is not an undercover agent."
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"Find out after these loud and off-putting messages."
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"That he lied about being an FBI agent..."
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"That will not smell good."
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"Gloria"
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"...that just might help remind us all what Christmas is really about."
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"Talking like this."
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"I'll get Rallo back into the Christmas spirit."
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"Hey, look, Rallo. It's Stoolbend's largest model-train exhibit."
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"Blood on the tracks today in Holiday Town..."
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"...where for 68 passengers, a routine train ride to Gumdrop Village..."
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"- Oh, pens. - Yeah."
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"My whole life, Christmas was always about Holt not being good enough."
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"Maybe if we get him a big enough gift."
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"You know, not all boys have fathers."
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"So peaceful."
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"Try and stop me. Ow!"
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"Outside the snow is falling"
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"Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you"
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"Let's look at the show"
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"We're riding in a wonderland of snow"
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"Look, Rallo knows you've been lying to him about being an FBI agent."
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"- Is that true? - That's what I heard."
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"Get your hands off me."
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"...this Christmas, the best present you can give Rallo is just being present."
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"- I thought what you said was beautiful. - Thank you."
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"Merry Christmas, Rallo."
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"Oh, is that today?"
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"I remember the old Rallo who used to think a toy could fix anything."
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"A wise man told me the best gift is just being here."
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"...I am..."
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"You're Santa Claus?"
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"Sorry-ass wannabe trying to be as cool as my dad."
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"Here comes Santa Claus"
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"Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Claus lane"
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"Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer Pulling on the reins"
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"Bells are ringing Children singing"
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"All is merry and bright"
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"So hang your stockings And say your prayers"
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"'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight"
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"Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus"
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"Right down Santa Claus lane"
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"He's got a bag that's filled with toys For boys and girls again"
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"Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle Oh what a beautiful sight"
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"So jump in bed and cover your head 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight"
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"Christmas trees. Get your Christmas trees."
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"Don't let your neighbors mistake you for a Muslim."
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"Oh, Donna, I'm so happy. This is our first Christmas together."
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"This one looks good. Mm."
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"Full on top, big old bottom."
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"- Just my type. Right, Donna? - Don't forget bushy in the front."
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"My anaconda don't want none"
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"Unless you got buns, hon Baby got back"
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"Ooh, baby, you keep moving like that, I'm gonna jump in there for a tree-way."
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"You freak it, you buy it."
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"Then I guess we've got ourselves a tree."
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"Ow, bitch! What the hell?"
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"I pick the tree for this family."
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"You know, since Robert left, I have been letting Rallo pick the tree."
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"What? That lame little pint-size thing?"
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"It's like an Asian or a little boy or a little Asian boy."
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"My anaconda don't want..."
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"Oh, come on now. I feel ridiculous singing that to this tree."
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"It's wrong. Wrong."
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"This tree is wrong. We're getting the one I want."
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"Man, you don't know nothing about Christmas."
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"Too bad he's busy off busting mafia punks for the FBI."
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"FBI? What kind of horse...?"
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"Yeah. Robert's off working for the FBI."
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"What are you talking about...?"
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"What is it with your family and kicking people?"
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"How can you let Rallo believe that Robert is an FBI agent?"
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"Maybe if it stood for Freeloading Boozing Idiot?"
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"Hey, that was right off the top of my head. Suck on that, Wayne Brady."
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"Look, Rallo kept asking him why he never came to visit."
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"Next thing I know, Robert's telling him he's an undercover agent, so I went with it."
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"You lied to your child?"
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"It's like my great-grandmother used to say. A lie is just an upside-down truth."
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"What?"
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"Hmm. Can I trust Donna?"
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"Look, I'll tell him the truth when he's older and can handle it better."
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"I guess sometimes lying is the right thing to do."
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"Like the time I ran into that guy from Entourage."
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"- Hey, you're Adrian Gr... from Entourage. - Yes, I am."
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"Yeah, you're totally believable as a big movie star..."
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"...with your weird pot belly, spindly arms, and huge head."
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"Your body is gross."
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"Wow, your boss goes all out for the office Christmas party."
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"Why does Mr. Waterman have shirtless men walking all around?"
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"- Oh, is he a gay? - Yes, he is a gay."
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"Well, he knows how to do Christmas better than you, plump chump."
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"I'm gonna need this and plenty more."
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"The Brown family's here. Hide the silver."
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"Ha, ha. I'm joking, of course. It's already hidden."
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"- Welcome. - Hello. I'm Lydia, Lloyd's wife."
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"Oh, this is already better than the last homosexual's Christmas party I went to."
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"Silent night"
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"Holy night"
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"All is calm"
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"All is bright"
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"Mother and child"
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"Cleveland, I need a favor."
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"You're about Fred Peterson's size, aren't you?"
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"Ha. He wishes."
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"Fred always plays Santa Claus at these parties."
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