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Clips from Flight of the Conchords - Tough Brets (S02E02)

"♪ I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feelings ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ get me a small man's wetsuit, please ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ it's my birthday, 2003 ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ waiting for a call from my family ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ they forgot about me ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feelings ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ the day after my birthday is not my birthday, mom ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ I call my friends, say, "let's go into town" ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ but they're all too busy to go into town ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ so I go by myself, I go into town ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ then I see all my friends, they're all in town ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ I've got hurt feelings, I've got hurt feelings ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ have you ever been told that your ass is too big? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ have you ever been told you're mediocre in bed? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ have you ever been told you've got a weird-shaped head? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ has your family ever forgotten you and driven away? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ once again, they forgot about j ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ were you ever called "homo" because at school you took Drama? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ have you ever been told that you look like a llama? ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"- ♪ tears of a rapper ♪ - ♪ tears of a rapper ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ I'm crying tears of a rapper ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"♪ tears of a rapper. ♪"
Flight of the Conchords
"yes, well, all good examples."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Can we go now? - But my point is:"
Flight of the Conchords
"Just be careful around rappers, all right?"
Flight of the Conchords
"You hurt their feelings and kaboom..."
Flight of the Conchords
"they'll hurt your pretty little brain, Bret."
Flight of the Conchords
"It'll be gone, then you'll have no feelings."
Flight of the Conchords
"- How would you like that? - Well, I wouldn't like that."
Flight of the Conchords
"No, none of us would. Okay, point made."
Flight of the Conchords
"End of meeting. Scram."
Flight of the Conchords
"Here in the united states, rivalries between rappers"
Flight of the Conchords
"usually result in death or worse."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Death? - Yeah, or worse."
Flight of the Conchords
"- I'm not sure. - New zealand."
Flight of the Conchords
"Yeah, Jemaine and I, we're the only rappers apart from Steve,"
Flight of the Conchords
"but he's... he's a lovely guy."
Flight of the Conchords
"- He's very friendly. - Which rappers did you diss, Bret?"
Flight of the Conchords
"I just dissed all the rappers I could think of."
Flight of the Conchords
"Oh shit. You want to be careful, Bret."
Flight of the Conchords
"I heard of one rapper... he chopped this guy's whole body off,"
Flight of the Conchords
"just left the dick behind."
Flight of the Conchords
"Don't you mean they... they chopped off his dick?"
Flight of the Conchords
"No, I mean they held his dick and chopped his whole body off."
Flight of the Conchords
"That's all he was in the end... a dick."
Flight of the Conchords
"Um, johnnyboy,"
Flight of the Conchords
"thanks for applying to be in my gang."
Flight of the Conchords
"Do you have any gang experience?"
Flight of the Conchords
"Do I have gang experience? I was in the snake eyes,"
Flight of the Conchords
"the duckies, the cuckoos,"
Flight of the Conchords
"the vampires, the pharaohs, the ballroom dancers,"
Flight of the Conchords
"the hobo lords, the little enchanters, the..."
Flight of the Conchords
"I was a navy seal for 15 years."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Okay. - I'm officially awol,"
Flight of the Conchords
"so don't ask them about my existence, 'cause they'll deny it."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Oh, no, I wouldn't. - Yeah, and next thing you know,"
Flight of the Conchords
"it's "goodbye, Dave," isn't it?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- Yeah, I won't tell anyone. - I'd appreciate that, Bret."
Flight of the Conchords
"Vandals graffiti our store window."
Flight of the Conchords
"We want to stop them."
Flight of the Conchords
"He says you have a kind face."
Flight of the Conchords
"Dave, do you have any special skills?"
Flight of the Conchords
"I can make a weapon out of pretty much anything"
Flight of the Conchords
"that's lying around. Like when I'm gardening,"
Flight of the Conchords
"watering can tied to a hose."
Flight of the Conchords
"Pop!"
Flight of the Conchords
"Cops show up, "what's that, officer?"
Flight of the Conchords
"No, just watering the geraniums.""
Flight of the Conchords
"And in '54 I joined the monkey lords."
Flight of the Conchords
"After that, the rockers,"
Flight of the Conchords
"the gentleman jims, the tsars,"
Flight of the Conchords
"the stars, the might midgets from Queens."
Flight of the Conchords
"So you've had a lot of gang experience, basically."
Flight of the Conchords
"They're all gangs, big daddy!"
Flight of the Conchords
"- Going down, mate? - Yes, thanks."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Are you a kiwi? - Yes, hello."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Oh no. A kiwi? - Oh no."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Uh-oh. Australian. Uh-oh."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Australians, eh? - We're just kidding, mate."
Flight of the Conchords
"- We're from the Australian consulate. - Oh, really?"
Flight of the Conchords
"I don't actually know. It's not my department."
Flight of the Conchords
"Ah. Is that them there in your briefcase?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- No. - Not in your pocket, mate?"
Flight of the Conchords
"Murray, I think you dropped"
Flight of the Conchords
"new zealand's mineral exports for '08-'09."
Flight of the Conchords
"Yeah. Oh yeah."
Flight of the Conchords
"- No, we're just having a laugh, mate. - Just pulling your tit."
Flight of the Conchords
"Yeah, just pulling your boob. It's nice to meet you, mate."
Flight of the Conchords
"- We should have a beer sometime. - Yeah, okay."
Flight of the Conchords
"That would be great."
Flight of the Conchords
"Okay, guys, there are gangsters out there"
Flight of the Conchords
"that have got a major beef with me,"
Flight of the Conchords
"so I want a defense schedule."
Flight of the Conchords
"I need to know what times we're available. Mrs. Li?"
Flight of the Conchords
"We can do lunchtimes and after 7:00."
Flight of the Conchords
"Otherwise, we're busy in the shop."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Okay. Dave? - I'm available most days after 6:00"
Flight of the Conchords
"Dinner with your parents?"
Flight of the Conchords
"Huh! No."
Flight of the Conchords
"I'm available all the time,"
Flight of the Conchords
"Otherwise I get real tired."
Flight of the Conchords
"I have a bladder thing."
Flight of the Conchords
"Does anyone else have anything like that they want to add?"
Flight of the Conchords
"Yeah, if anyone wants me to make them a pair of these bad boys,"
Flight of the Conchords
"I'll need about a week's notice."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Cup of tea? - Yes."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Yep. - I'd better not."
Flight of the Conchords
"Oh yeah. Okay."
Flight of the Conchords
"Jemaine. Jemaine!"
Flight of the Conchords
"Jemaine, hi."
Flight of the Conchords
"Stop the car, Doug! We're here."
Flight of the Conchords
"Hold on one second, okay? It's in the trunk."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Hi, Doug. - Hey, Jemaine. Where's Bret?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- I don't need to be in a gang. - Here you go."
Flight of the Conchords
"Oh."
Flight of the Conchords
"What is it?"
Flight of the Conchords
"You don't like it."
Flight of the Conchords
"I do."
Flight of the Conchords
"No, you don't. You practically admitted that you don't like it."
Flight of the Conchords
"- I... did I? - Oh my God."
Flight of the Conchords
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