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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Sal's Pizza (S01E01)

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, we'll be right there.

"Yeah, we'll be right there."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boyle...

"Boyle..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(Jake) No!

"(Jake) No!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't believe Sal's is gone.

"I can't believe Sal's is gone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This place is an institution.

"This place is an institution."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's the best pizza in the neighborhood.

"It's the best pizza in the neighborhood."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, eighth-best.

"Well, eighth-best."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But yeah, a tragedy.

"But yeah, a tragedy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I mean, any food-related crime is a tragedy.

"I mean, any food-related crime is a tragedy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[Siren blares]

"[Siren blares]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, Boone. What's that nimrod doing here?

"Oh, Boone. What's that nimrod doing here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, Peralta.

"Hey, Peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, Boone.

"Hey, Boone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What are you doing here, you nimrod?

"What are you doing here, you nimrod?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, there was a fire.

"Uh, there was a fire."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What, did somebody call in a missing doughnut?

"What, did somebody call in a missing doughnut?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, actually someone reported

"Uh, actually someone reported"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

they couldn't find your head.

"they couldn't find your head."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But we found it. It was up your butt.

"But we found it. It was up your butt."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(Jake) You're a fireman, you should know

"(Jake) You're a fireman, you should know"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

how to treat that burn.

"how to treat that burn."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which means it is fire department jurisdiction.

"which means it is fire department jurisdiction."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So why don't you back off

"So why don't you back off"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"New York's best at spraying stuff with water"

""New York's best at spraying stuff with water""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is too wordy.

"is too wordy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

as New York's finest,

"as New York's finest,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which by the way, sounds like my mom

"which by the way, sounds like my mom"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

describing her dishware, which... and she's dead,

"describing her dishware, which... and she's dead,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so let's tread lightly on the response.

"so let's tread lightly on the response."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- That's not fair. - Yeah.

"- That's not fair. - Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, look, we heard this might be arson,

"Well, look, we heard this might be arson,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so we wanted to check it out.

"so we wanted to check it out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I'm not letting you onto my crime scene.

"No, I'm not letting you onto my crime scene."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay?

"Okay?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine. You know what?

"All right, fine. You know what?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're not invited to our next murder.

"You're not invited to our next murder."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Good solve on the Herman Avenue burglaries.

"Good solve on the Herman Avenue burglaries."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Finish up the paperwork as soon as possible.

"Finish up the paperwork as soon as possible."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Your wish is my command.

"Your wish is my command."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So my command is your command.

"So my command is your command."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay. We're leaving.

"Okay. We're leaving."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What was the name of the clerk we questioned

"What was the name of the clerk we questioned"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

about the second burglary?

"about the second burglary?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Where do farts go?

"Where do farts go?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was reading Scully's searches.

"I was reading Scully's searches."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, why'd you do a search

"Hey, why'd you do a search"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for "magic-themed singles night"?

"for "magic-themed singles night"?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My last four dates were really boring,

"My last four dates were really boring,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so I thought I'd mix things up.

"so I thought I'd mix things up."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, wow. [Laughs]

"Oh, wow. [Laughs]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, no.

"Oh, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why were you looking for real estate

"Why were you looking for real estate"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in Ropesburg, New Jersey?

"in Ropesburg, New Jersey?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ropesburg P.D. Offered me a job

"Ropesburg P.D. Offered me a job"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

as their new police Captain.

"as their new police Captain."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I turned it down.

"I turned it down."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh!

"Oh!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You... Captain. [Chuckles]

"You... Captain. [Chuckles]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh... that's super...

"Oh... that's super..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Super cool.

"Super cool."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If we're gonna figure out what happened at Sal's,

"If we're gonna figure out what happened at Sal's,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we've gotta get past those firemen.

"we've gotta get past those firemen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We need access. How 'bout this?

"We need access. How 'bout this?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We light a bunch of fires throughout Brooklyn,

"We light a bunch of fires throughout Brooklyn,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and when the firemen go to "fight the fires,"

"and when the firemen go to "fight the fires,""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we walk right into Sal's, the crime scene's ours.

"we walk right into Sal's, the crime scene's ours."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I feel very uncomfortable saying this to you,

"I feel very uncomfortable saying this to you,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Unless you think it is. - I do.

"- Unless you think it is. - I do."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and it's the best pizza in the neighborhood.

"and it's the best pizza in the neighborhood."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza-ranking email blast.

"I put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza-ranking email blast."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sal's has the fourth-best texture,

"Sal's has the fourth-best texture,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

ninth-best crust, twelfth-best cheese,

"ninth-best crust, twelfth-best cheese,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and honestly, they're only seventh in mouth-feel.

"and honestly, they're only seventh in mouth-feel."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Mouth-feel"? What is that?

""Mouth-feel"? What is that?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ugh, God.

"Ugh, God."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, no, Sal's has the secret sauce recipe

"Look, no, Sal's has the secret sauce recipe"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is incapable of conducting a crime investigation.

"is incapable of conducting a crime investigation."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All fire marshals are doofuses,

"All fire marshals are doofuses,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but Boone is King doofus of doofus island.

"but Boone is King doofus of doofus island."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Gasoline?

"Gasoline?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm pretty sure that's water.

"I'm pretty sure that's water."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

There were more ways to tell.

"There were more ways to tell."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain, here's the mope who hacked our computer system.

"Captain, here's the mope who hacked our computer system."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

His mother turned him in. His name is Corey Park.

"His mother turned him in. His name is Corey Park."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My name is savant.

"My name is savant."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

His web handle is "savant."

"His web handle is "savant.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

His people name is Corey Park.

"His people name is Corey Park."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why'd you target us with your computer virus, Corey?

"Why'd you target us with your computer virus, Corey?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't know, I was bored, and it was easy

"I don't know, I was bored, and it was easy"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to break into your weak-ass system.

"to break into your weak-ass system."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place?

"Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

"Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yes, sergeant, it is unwise to give babies candy.

"Yes, sergeant, it is unwise to give babies candy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If it's so easy for this gentlemen

"If it's so easy for this gentlemen"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

a new I.T. Director.

"a new I.T. Director."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why don't you and Gina get together on that?

"Why don't you and Gina get together on that?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I doubt I'll need Gina's help.

"I doubt I'll need Gina's help."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sure she's busy anyway.

"I'm sure she's busy anyway."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Use Gina. She's my assistant,

"Use Gina. She's my assistant,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and she has something to offer.

"and she has something to offer."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Trust me.

"Trust me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

(Charles) Uh-oh, Jake, firemen.

"(Charles) Uh-oh, Jake, firemen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What are you two doing here?

"What are you two doing here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're a Detective, you detect it out.

"You're a Detective, you detect it out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Good one, bro.

"Good one, bro."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- I know, bro. - Yeah, bro.

"- I know, bro. - Yeah, bro."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boone reconsidered.

"Boone reconsidered."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He wants you to take a look at the files.

"He wants you to take a look at the files."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, that's unexpected, but...

"Well, that's unexpected, but..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine, I'll...

"All right, fine, I'll..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[Laughs] It's not a file, bro.

"[Laughs] It's not a file, bro."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's a doughnut, because you're cops.

"It's a doughnut, because you're cops."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You sure?

"You sure?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

[Laughs]

"[Laughs]"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, I don't care

"All right, I don't care"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

if it's not our jurisdiction,

"if it's not our jurisdiction,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we're solving this.

"we're solving this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Would you like me to, uh,

"Would you like me to, uh,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

file that for you, Jake?

"file that for you, Jake?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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