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Clips from Scrubs - Our Drunk Friend (S09E09)

"- J.D., what are you doing? - Just watching you teach."
Scrubs
"You know, in this light,"
Scrubs
"Come on, man, I'm working here! Now, listen, if you..."
Scrubs
"All right, class, you now have 30 seconds"
Scrubs
"to list the adductor muscles of the hip."
Scrubs
"Your group does not want to be last. Ready, go."
Scrubs
"J. D: The pressure here can make some students crack."
Scrubs
"(SCREAMING)"
Scrubs
"Amir, you can't just be grabbing kidneys like that! Bring it back!"
Scrubs
"J. D: Others found ways to blow off steam."
Scrubs
"Um..."
Scrubs
"What? What are you doing? No, stop. Take it off."
Scrubs
"I can't. He'll know. He's everywhere. And the worst part..."
Scrubs
"Centerfold, your previous answer was so wrong, it almost became right again."
Scrubs
"Now, if you would, please help me choose the subject"
Scrubs
"for my impending criticism."
Scrubs
"Would you like me to nail you for,"
Scrubs
"A, your being too attractive to ever be taken seriously as a doctor,"
Scrubs
"B, your upsettingly small ears,"
Scrubs
"- I guess my contagious stupidity. - Great call. Your ears."
Scrubs
"Ah-ha-ha."
Scrubs
"Welcome, welcome, Number One. Certainly, with your human-sized ears,"
Scrubs
"what the three components of the mucosal layer of the stomach are."
Scrubs
"Epithelium, lamina propria, muscularis mucosae."
Scrubs
"That was perfect."
Scrubs
"Hey, bro, the sun is, like, super bright. Can you come down?"
Scrubs
"I, like, told you that the branches"
Scrubs
"are a metaphor for the cardiovascular system."
Scrubs
"So, no, I cannot come down. Hence, tree-class dismissed."
Scrubs
"LUCY: Great class, Dr. D."
Scrubs
"Even better than the one you did with interpretive dance."
Scrubs
"Thanks. I call it teacher-tainment."
Scrubs
"Tell him I'm stuck in the tree again,"
Scrubs
"but this time there appear to be many bees."
Scrubs
"Hurry, Lucy, I've got honey hair!"
Scrubs
"That tool Cole keeps texting me. "I have a little Cole for your slaw.""
Scrubs
"So romantic. You should hit that."
Scrubs
"At least Dr. Cox doesn't make you send a picture of yourself every 10 minutes"
Scrubs
"- Wait a minute, what are we doing? - Talking."
Scrubs
"No. This feels like sharing. And it's gross."
Scrubs
"Drew, I need to be clear about what it is I'm looking for, you know, with us."
Scrubs
"- Nothing. - Same here."
Scrubs
"Oh, now that's just outstanding."
Scrubs
"- Dude. Again? - Finally. Where have you been?"
Scrubs
"I came as soon as I heard. I thought you said there were bees."
Scrubs
"- Where are the bees? - They're quiet now,"
Scrubs
"- Let's get him out of there. - Hell, yeah."
Scrubs
"Give me a chance to use old Megan Fox."
Scrubs
"That's just a tranq gun."
Scrubs
"- Can't we just shake the tree again? - Go shake."
Scrubs
"(EX CLAIMS)"
Scrubs
"You all right?"
Scrubs
"(THEME SONG PLAYING)"
Scrubs
"because if he sees you, he makes you do grunt work."
Scrubs
"- MAN: You all right? - What the French?"
Scrubs
"Sorry, I was just hiding from one of my teachers."
Scrubs
"- Really? - No."
Scrubs
"- You can win at games. - Got bad news for you, sweetheart."
Scrubs
"You lost."
Scrubs
"and make four copies."
Scrubs
"Drop one off at my office, one at my car, one at the bar that I frequent,"
Scrubs
"and then go bury one in the quad and draw me up a map,"
Scrubs
"just in case I want to go on a treasure hunt later on."
Scrubs
"Darn it all. Now, if that ink runs,"
Scrubs
"I'm gonna have to replace the whole sign."
Scrubs
"Weird."
Scrubs
"Broken ribs and a possible ruptured spleen? Was Mr. Evans in an accident?"
Scrubs
"Yes, he was in a train wreck called his life."
Scrubs
"You see, Alan Evans is a hard-core drunk,"
Scrubs
"an alkie, a sauce monkey, a hooch goblin,"
Scrubs
"a man who unwinds at the end of every single day"
Scrubs
"by treating himself to a delightful garbage bag full of vodka."
Scrubs
"- So, what are we going to do? - We're going to get him out of here,"
Scrubs
"he's gonna die someplace else. Like in a yard or somebody's shed."
Scrubs
"(EXCLAIMING)"
Scrubs
"I love teaching."
Scrubs
"I still want someone to read him all seven Harry Potter books."
Scrubs
"Any volunteers? Cole, thank you."
Scrubs
"A "rezzie"? You also gonna get your drunk on and eat some 'za?"
Scrubs
"No, I wish. My mom is lactose intolly. For real though, she is the best."
Scrubs
"When we go out, she helps me pick up girls. She's my wingmom."
Scrubs
"Horrifying. Look, I don't know what Orlando-based boy band rejected you,"
Scrubs
"- but you'll do what I tell you. - Yeah, I don't think so."
Scrubs
"See, that's me and my 'rents at the hospital groundbreaking."
Scrubs
"- Wow. - They're in the major donors' club."
Scrubs
"I got to cut the ribbon with some big ole sizzies."
Scrubs
"Long story short, I'm untouchable around here."
Scrubs
"To everyone except you."
Scrubs
"- Yeah. That just happened. - Okay."
Scrubs
"I know people like Alan. I grew up with them."
Scrubs
"My Uncle Frank is always drunk."
Scrubs
"He fought the entire band at my cousin's wedding."
Scrubs
"is make sure he's ready for help."
Scrubs
"I can't talk to him about stuff that personal."
Scrubs
"Weird for a doctor, but okay, fine."
Scrubs
"Look, Lucy, you have to find a way to connect with him."
Scrubs
"Also, I've never seen myself naked."
Scrubs
"You know, that was part of an earlier conversation."
Scrubs
"- Are you okay? - I'm not great, Alan."
Scrubs
"Med school is tough. I don't sleep."
Scrubs
"- Well, maybe you should take a... - Alan, I'm not done."
Scrubs
"I'd like to fill a tube sock full of batteries and just beat him a little."
Scrubs
"You know, send a message."
Scrubs
"- What? - Denise, you're scary."
Scrubs
"I mean, sure, you seem cute at first,"
Scrubs
"but then you eat after midnight or get some water on you"
Scrubs
"and then, boom, you turn into this monster"
Scrubs
"and I gotta throw you in the microwave and explode you."
Scrubs
"- What the hell are you talking about? - I'm talking Gremlins, woman."
Scrubs
"You know, you should get your boyfriend to watch that movie"
Scrubs
"and then maybe he can understand you better."
Scrubs
"What boyfriend?"
Scrubs
"Denise, everybody knows Drew's hitting it."
Scrubs
"- How? - You guys had sex near The Todd."
Scrubs
"- In that supply closet. - Really?"
Scrubs
"Socks off, pants on? Still..."
Scrubs
"How come you don't let him take his pants off, though?"
Scrubs
"(SNIFFLING)"
Scrubs
"Man. That was a great cry. I always feel fantastic after those."
Scrubs
"Wow. I mean, my forehead's really big and I look Chinese,"
Scrubs
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