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Clips from Scrubs - Our Drunk Friend (S09E09)

- but that's really good. - Thank you.

"- but that's really good. - Thank you."

Scrubs

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was married, too. Before everything fell apart.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was married, too. Before everything fell apart."

Scrubs

I'll tell you what, though, I definitely don't want to live this way anymore.

"I'll tell you what, though, I definitely don't want to live this way anymore."

Scrubs

I thought you had dinner plans with your wingmom.

"I thought you had dinner plans with your wingmom."

Scrubs

Yeah, she's at the bar sizing up the local talent for me.

"Yeah, she's at the bar sizing up the local talent for me."

Scrubs

No. God, I like more booty than that. She should know that by now.

"No. God, I like more booty than that. She should know that by now."

Scrubs

- I know you feel me. - Yeah, I do.

"- I know you feel me. - Yeah, I do."

Scrubs

Is a wingmom what I think it is?

"Is a wingmom what I think it is?"

Scrubs

Sing to me, Wingmom. Sing me to my dreams.

"Sing to me, Wingmom. Sing me to my dreams."

Scrubs

- Hello, all. - Hey.

"- Hello, all. - Hey."

Scrubs

You're both dark weirdoes.

"You're both dark weirdoes."

Scrubs

It's like if Fonzie and Jo from The Facts of Life

"It's like if Fonzie and Jo from The Facts of Life"

Scrubs

- I'd watch the hell out of that show. - Who wouldn't?

"- I'd watch the hell out of that show. - Who wouldn't?"

Scrubs

I'm not looking for a relationship. I like to be an island, okay?

"I'm not looking for a relationship. I like to be an island, okay?"

Scrubs

People can visit the island, but no one gets to stay. Safer that way.

"People can visit the island, but no one gets to stay. Safer that way."

Scrubs

You know, I'd watch a show about Fonzie and a Gremlin, too.

"You know, I'd watch a show about Fonzie and a Gremlin, too."

Scrubs

Fonzie couldn't take care of a Gremlin. He's too busy being cool.

"Fonzie couldn't take care of a Gremlin. He's too busy being cool."

Scrubs

- Can we stop talking about this? - You know what you need?

"- Can we stop talking about this? - You know what you need?"

Scrubs

Up on your island All chillin' with turtles

"Up on your island All chillin' with turtles"

Scrubs

'Cause you're so private And now falsetto

"'Cause you're so private And now falsetto"

Scrubs

Yo, let's keep going

"Yo, let's keep going"

Scrubs

Now even higher

"Now even higher"

Scrubs

Yes, even higher

"Yes, even higher"

Scrubs

Look, Alan wants to change, so I found him a rehab facility.

"Look, Alan wants to change, so I found him a rehab facility."

Scrubs

I just need a doctor to sign off. Are you in?

"I just need a doctor to sign off. Are you in?"

Scrubs

LUCY: And that was the beginning of a long line of "no's."

"LUCY: And that was the beginning of a long line of "no's.""

Scrubs

Naive-five.

"Naive-five."

Scrubs

I see a med student getting involved with a patient

"I see a med student getting involved with a patient"

Scrubs

who I expressly told her to ignore mere hours ago.

"who I expressly told her to ignore mere hours ago."

Scrubs

I cannot tell you how much I hate to reiterate something,

"I cannot tell you how much I hate to reiterate something,"

Scrubs

especially when I have already iterated it.

"especially when I have already iterated it."

Scrubs

You're going to have to excuse me now,

"You're going to have to excuse me now,"

Scrubs

because I must gather my fury.

"because I must gather my fury."

Scrubs

LUCY: It's scary to put yourself out there.

"LUCY: It's scary to put yourself out there."

Scrubs

- Hey. - Hey.

"- Hey. - Hey."

Scrubs

You want to hang out later? You know, maybe grab a beer?

"You want to hang out later? You know, maybe grab a beer?"

Scrubs

- Is that some kind of euphemism? - Nope, it just means grab a beer.

"- Is that some kind of euphemism? - Nope, it just means grab a beer."

Scrubs

- Maybe talk a little. - Oh!

"- Maybe talk a little. - Oh!"

Scrubs

Um... I'm sorry, Denise,

"Um... I'm sorry, Denise,"

Scrubs

I'm just not looking for that.

"I'm just not looking for that."

Scrubs

- See you later. - Mmm-hmm.

"- See you later. - Mmm-hmm."

Scrubs

Dr. Cox, while you're fury-gathering,

"Dr. Cox, while you're fury-gathering,"

Scrubs

let me just say that if Alan goes to rehab...

"let me just say that if Alan goes to rehab..."

Scrubs

He will do nothing

"He will do nothing"

Scrubs

except figure out how to steal enough paper-cup shooters of mouthwash

"except figure out how to steal enough paper-cup shooters of mouthwash"

Scrubs

to get one last desperate buzz on.

"to get one last desperate buzz on."

Scrubs

His job is to leave here and die.

"His job is to leave here and die."

Scrubs

Your job is to listen to every word I say at all times,

"Your job is to listen to every word I say at all times,"

Scrubs

So in the future when I tell you to do nothing,

"So in the future when I tell you to do nothing,"

Scrubs

I mean nothing.

"I mean nothing."

Scrubs

And in case that is still not clear...

"And in case that is still not clear..."

Scrubs

(OVER INTERCOM) Nothing.

"(OVER INTERCOM) Nothing."

Scrubs

I thought being a doctor was about helping people.

"I thought being a doctor was about helping people."

Scrubs

It is, Lucy. Well, that and showing up my third-grade teacher

"It is, Lucy. Well, that and showing up my third-grade teacher"

Scrubs

who said I'd never amount to anything. Eat it, Mrs. Nickerson.

"who said I'd never amount to anything. Eat it, Mrs. Nickerson."

Scrubs

J. D: And rest in peace.

"J. D: And rest in peace."

Scrubs

All right, I didn't want to play hardball,

"All right, I didn't want to play hardball,"

Scrubs

but if you don't try to change Dr. Cox's mind about Alan,

"but if you don't try to change Dr. Cox's mind about Alan,"

Scrubs

I will never call you Dr. D ever again.

"I will never call you Dr. D ever again."

Scrubs

- Even in the quad? - Especially in the quad.

"- Even in the quad? - Especially in the quad."

Scrubs

I'll go talk to Dr. Cox right now.

"I'll go talk to Dr. Cox right now."

Scrubs

Dr. Cox said he'll sign the paper

"Dr. Cox said he'll sign the paper"

Scrubs

if you can raise the money to send Alan to a rehab center.

"if you can raise the money to send Alan to a rehab center."

Scrubs

(SCREAMING)

"(SCREAMING)"

Scrubs

You two clowns convinced me to put myself out there

"You two clowns convinced me to put myself out there"

Scrubs

and Drew shot me down.

"and Drew shot me down."

Scrubs

Why'd you have to go mess up my little island?

"Why'd you have to go mess up my little island?"

Scrubs

- Want the rest of my nachos? - Oh, hell, yeah!

"- Want the rest of my nachos? - Oh, hell, yeah!"

Scrubs

You like him 'cause he shared old bar food?

"You like him 'cause he shared old bar food?"

Scrubs

Turk and I met over a blooming onion.

"Turk and I met over a blooming onion."

Scrubs

because it's delicious, but not really so healthy.

"because it's delicious, but not really so healthy."

Scrubs

She's like a Gremlin.

"She's like a Gremlin."

Scrubs

You all right, little lady?

"You all right, little lady?"

Scrubs

I'm just trying to raise money for a patient,

"I'm just trying to raise money for a patient,"

Scrubs

but it's not going so great.

"but it's not going so great."

Scrubs

- Hey, boss. - Shut up.

"- Hey, boss. - Shut up."

Scrubs

Copy that.

"Copy that."

Scrubs

Anyway, they did their charity car wash a little differently.

"Anyway, they did their charity car wash a little differently."

Scrubs

Come on, Lucy. I won the McAllister Prize in biology.

"Come on, Lucy. I won the McAllister Prize in biology."

Scrubs

- Wow. Where do I get in line? - Where's your car?

"- Wow. Where do I get in line? - Where's your car?"

Scrubs

What car? Full-body-wax-five. Buff away, ladies.

"What car? Full-body-wax-five. Buff away, ladies."

Scrubs

You know, I don't mean to sound too forward,

"You know, I don't mean to sound too forward,"

Scrubs

but there's someone at the hospital

"but there's someone at the hospital"

Scrubs

- who's really digging you. - Are you hitting on me?

"- who's really digging you. - Are you hitting on me?"

Scrubs

Because I already went through my bald, black dude phase.

"Because I already went through my bald, black dude phase."

Scrubs

I'm talking about you and Denise.

"I'm talking about you and Denise."

Scrubs

Why are you talking about me and Denise?

"Why are you talking about me and Denise?"

Scrubs

(SINGING) Go for yours

"(SINGING) Go for yours"

Scrubs

You don't know me. I spent the last year

"You don't know me. I spent the last year"

Scrubs

in the Alaskan wilderness living in a yurt.

"in the Alaskan wilderness living in a yurt."

Scrubs

The only human contact I had

"The only human contact I had"

Scrubs

was an Eskimo boy who sold me salmon jerky and painkillers.

"was an Eskimo boy who sold me salmon jerky and painkillers."

Scrubs

And do you know why?

"And do you know why?"

Scrubs

Because when I flunked out of med school before,

"Because when I flunked out of med school before,"

Scrubs

I consequently torched every relationship

"I consequently torched every relationship"

Scrubs

You know, son, I was married to my Enid for 44 years.

"You know, son, I was married to my Enid for 44 years."

Scrubs

And now she's gone.

"And now she's gone."

Scrubs

And the only reason I teach is so I don't have to be alone in my house.

"And the only reason I teach is so I don't have to be alone in my house."

Scrubs

You can't wall yourself off from other people.

"You can't wall yourself off from other people."

Scrubs

- You won't make it. - That's some truth being dropped there.

"- You won't make it. - That's some truth being dropped there."

Scrubs

Cindy here's three martinis in, and I'm about to land that marlin.

"Cindy here's three martinis in, and I'm about to land that marlin."

Scrubs

Remember, Alan, you can do it.

"Remember, Alan, you can do it."

Scrubs

Can't thank you enough.

"Can't thank you enough."

Scrubs

but I wasn't gonna make a big deal out of it.

"but I wasn't gonna make a big deal out of it."

Scrubs

ANNOUNCER: Lifetime presents Antonio Sabato Jr. As Alan the drunk.

"ANNOUNCER: Lifetime presents Antonio Sabato Jr. As Alan the drunk."

Scrubs

- A man this broken... - I'm just really broken.

"- A man this broken... - I'm just really broken."

Scrubs

...needs a woman this strong... - You can do this, Alan.

"...needs a woman this strong... - You can do this, Alan."

Scrubs

...with a mentor who cares so much. - God, I care so much.

"...with a mentor who cares so much. - God, I care so much."

Scrubs

I guess this is goodbye.

"I guess this is goodbye."

Scrubs

No, we can't.

"No, we can't."

Scrubs

- I know you're a doctor. - I'm a med student, damn it.

"- I know you're a doctor. - I'm a med student, damn it."

Scrubs

- Lucy... - Shh.

"- Lucy... - Shh."

Scrubs

(ANNOUNCER READING)

"(ANNOUNCER READING)"

Scrubs

(SIGHS)

"(SIGHS)"

Scrubs

LUCY: Antonio Sabato Jr., my safely ethnic dreamboat.

"LUCY: Antonio Sabato Jr., my safely ethnic dreamboat."

Scrubs

Over the next few days, I stayed proud of myself for helping Alan.

"Over the next few days, I stayed proud of myself for helping Alan."

Scrubs

And I wasn't naive, I knew he had a long road ahead,

"And I wasn't naive, I knew he had a long road ahead,"

Scrubs

but maybe, just maybe...

"but maybe, just maybe..."

Scrubs

Having someone believe in him was all he needed.

"Having someone believe in him was all he needed."

Scrubs

(GRUNTS)

"(GRUNTS)"

Scrubs

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