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Clips from Broad City - Witches (S04E04)

"and Hillary Clinton getting caught in the woods!"
Broad City
"Cum kween."
Broad City
"You found us!"
Broad City
"(LAUGHING AND SHOUTING)"
Broad City
"It's period blood!"
Broad City
"ILANA: I'm gonna cum!"
Broad City
"(WHISPERING) Thousand."
Broad City
"Ugh! God, it's so ridiculous that we can't,"
Broad City
"like, control the heat in our own apartment."
Broad City
"It's like, we're old enough to drink,"
Broad City
"Like that did fucking anything."
Broad City
"But to control your own temperature, no."
Broad City
"the Hot Dream Q20-X space heater."
Broad City
"Do you, like, get her credit card statements or something?"
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"I think she's got great taste, and, like, a pixie spirit."
Broad City
"I am for real rich, not (BLEEP) rich."
Broad City
"I should be able to buy this stuff for myself."
Broad City
"It's just hard right now without a job."
Broad City
"I'm a little hard right now."
Broad City
"Okay."
Broad City
"Oh, my God, when were you gonna tell me?"
Broad City
"- About what? - About this, Abigail."
Broad City
"The most powerful moment in a woman's life."
Broad City
"Oh, my gosh! No, no, no!"
Broad City
"I'm not rejoicing, I'm freaking out!"
Broad City
"What happened? You guys okay?"
Broad City
"No, I was snuggled under a blanket. What's going on?"
Broad City
"- I'm full-on flooding with envy. - (GASPS)"
Broad City
"God, I wish it were that simple."
Broad City
"Witches aren't real, you guys."
Broad City
"(BOTH LAUGH)"
Broad City
"You think this is all just literal stuff?"
Broad City
"Okay. Dude,"
Broad City
"And where do scarves come from? Scarf tree?"
Broad City
"There's people that knit all over the place."
Broad City
"or at least be posting pictures of"
Broad City
"No where. I mean, what do I have? Nothing."
Broad City
"You have a gray hair on your head."
Broad City
"First of all, I don't like what's going on with you two."
Broad City
"Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble, bitch!"
Broad City
"Oh, my God, I totally forgot! I have 250 handmade Christmas cards"
Broad City
"that I was planning on sending my 250 camp friends."
Broad City
"- 250 camp friends? - But not anymore."
Broad City
"I am selling 'em."
Broad City
"You know what? I am gonna set up my table at the Met."
Broad City
"Ooh, yes!"
Broad City
"Can you set up with me?"
Broad City
"Uh, totally. I just have to, uh, meet up with my dad for pedicures."
Broad City
"Oh, I thought that you said you were doing the ice skating with your mom today."
Broad City
"I just gotta make sure that I find the time"
Broad City
"'Cause I'm a cum kween!"
Broad City
"I just have to come sometimes."
Broad City
"I'm okay. (LAUGHS)"
Broad City
"(ILANA SHIVERING)"
Broad City
"Knish, k'witch?"
Broad City
"Yeah, I love these knishes,"
Broad City
"So how much do you have to sell to get that space heater?"
Broad City
"Well, with the BB&B coupon, it comes to, like, 69 bucks."
Broad City
"All right. Gotta run to my, uh, hair appointment."
Broad City
"Uh, nice to see you."
Broad City
"and going ice skating with your parents."
Broad City
"Yes, and, and then haircuts with Eliot."
Broad City
"It's kinda like the Wexlers Take Manhattan."
Broad City
"We actually call it that."
Broad City
"It's cute."
Broad City
"Yeah. Totally."
Broad City
"Hey, new blood. Welcome to the steps."
Broad City
"I'm Margo."
Broad City
"- Wow. - Homemade lentil."
Broad City
"Oh, wow, that's... That's neat."
Broad City
"Same wheelie cart, too."
Broad City
"- Oh. - Soul sisters."
Broad City
"- (BOTH LAUGH) - What a hot coincidence."
Broad City
"Well, it's actually the only one where..."
Broad City
"BOTH: The wheels don't turn to squares when you roll over snow salt."
Broad City
"That was spooky."
Broad City
"You're gonna be a hit here."
Broad City
"Thanks."
Broad City
"She nearly gave me a clit, throat and butt-gasm."
Broad City
"- Butt-gasm? - I'm a crazy, sick sex addict,"
Broad City
"Ilana, you're being really weird."
Broad City
"My annual family massage appointment."
Broad City
"Damn, I am so horned up, dude."
Broad City
"Better jerk off before I get on the subway."
Broad City
"Later, Ab. Super wet!"
Broad City
"(SIGHS)"
Broad City
"Hi. Thanks."
Broad City
"Yeah, I've lived here 50 years."
Broad City
"Wow."
Broad City
"There's a lot of history in these walls."
Broad City
"So cozy."
Broad City
"Wow, you can keep plants alive here. You're an adult."
Broad City
"Show me your vulva."
Broad City
"So basically, I've had more sex than, like,"
Broad City
"anybody in the entire world."
Broad City
"I can squirt, and like, spray."
Broad City
"kind of like a slutty slug. (CHUCKLES)"
Broad City
"I'm just really on the edge of orgasm at all times."
Broad City
"It's not, uh, my problem,"
Broad City
"it is my friend Abbi's problem,"
Broad City
"She hasn't, uh, orgasmed in months."
Broad City
"And she's too embarrassed to come, L-O-L, here, to see you."
Broad City
"I just want to help her be a cum kween"
Broad City
"Exactly."
Broad City
"(HEART BEATING)"
Broad City
"Okay."
Broad City
"If that's what you want to do."
Broad City
"Um, it's going okay."
Broad City
"Would you like a puff of my wand?"
Broad City
"It's pretty magical."
Broad City
"Cool wand."
Broad City
"You know, most people don't realize this,"
Broad City
"but you lose most of your body heat"
Broad City
"from your upper wing area."
Broad City
"Wing area? Oh, I just..."
Broad City
"Yeah, thank you."
Broad City
"All right, well..."
Broad City
"Holler if you need anything else. It's lunchtime."
Broad City
"Hey! Same Tupperware!"
Broad City
"Oh, yeah. Uh, twinsies, I guess."
Broad City
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