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Clips from The Simpsons - Whacking Day (S04E04)

"And why is a cafeteria worker posing as a nurse?"
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"- I get two paychecks this way. - D'oh."
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"You are expelled from Springfield Elementary."
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"Where are they now?"
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"And we'll visit a nudist camp... for animals."
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"distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, "Whacking Day.""
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"- Oh, no, no! - In a tradition that dates back to..."
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"founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 1 0, local residents gather..."
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"[ Grunting ]"
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"Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon..."
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"[ Groans ] It's all so barbaric."
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"Hey, kids, how was school?"
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"- I learned how many drams in a pennyweight. - I got expelled."
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"That's my boy. [ Gulping ]"
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"Mmm, beer. What?"
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"Look, Dad, I don't need school."
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"I'll make my way as a bootblack. Shine your boots, guv'nor?"
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"- so be very careful about what you say and do here. - No problemo."
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"Now, Bart, Since you're new here..."
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"perhaps you'd favor us with a psalm."
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"Well, uh, beans were a staple of the Israelites. Yes, proceed."
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"The more you eat, the more you toot."
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"I can always get a job testing dangerous food additives."
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"- We call it "Nature's Goodness." - What's in it?"
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"Sweet."
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"- I'm going to teach you myself. - Marge, it's too late."
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"Whoo-hoo! The greatest day of the year."
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"But killing snakes is evil."
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"Maybe so, Lisa, but it's part of our oh, so human nature."
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"Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved."
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"[ Grunts ] Ahh."
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"- [ Ringing Shrilly] - [ Both Scream ]"
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"I think I'll unplug that."
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"- I didn't do it. - [ Groans ]"
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"####[Cabaret]"
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"So I rode out the war posing as a German cabaret singer."
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"- [ Gasps ] - Ach du Liebe! Das ist not eine booby."
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"- Is that story true, Grampa? - Well, most of it."
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"I did wear a dress for a period in the '40s."
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"- Oh, they had designers then. - [ Garage Door Opening ]"
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"- [ All Screaming ] - [ Screaming ]"
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"Look what I got, Marge. A new whacking stick."
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"- Whack! - Ooh."
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"- Excuse me. - Whack, whack, whack!"
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"Why didn't you say so? They should call this book "Johnny Deformed.""
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"####[Cartoon Theme]"
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""Hundreds would die, but not the thing they died for."
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"A man can stand up." Wow!"
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"Mm-hmm. If you'd like to learn more about colonial times..."
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"we could take a field trip to Olde Springfield Towne."
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"[ Grunting ]"
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"- Is there something wrong with me? - Yes, honey."
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"- Then what should I do? -Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball..."
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"Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle."
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"- When Daddy hit the referee? Yeah. - Yeah."
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"I played Panicky Idiot Number Two in The Poseidon Adventure."
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"Sorry, we're looking for more of a "duh, duh" idiot."
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"Actually, I'm supposed to be a governor. [ Burps ]"
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"- the rest would be spared. - What did they do?"
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"And how. That's why they call it Fort Sensible."
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"- [Projector Clicks] - This is Jebediah Springfield at the Battle of Ticonderoga."
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"Next. And here he is killing a snake..."
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"on the very first Whacking Day in 1775."
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"That was the same day he was at Ticonderoga."
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"How could he be in two places at once?"
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"Uh, um-- You see--"
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"Roger."
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"- [ Both Gasp ] - If you wanna learn more about Whacking Day..."
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"Welcome to your official Whacking Day headquarters."
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"[People Yelling]"
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"- Hey! Hey! - [ Yelling ]"
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"and thy town shall be a beacon unto others.""
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"So you see, Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day."
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"- Let me see that. - Mmm, no."
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"####[Children Singing]"
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"Snakes, snakes everywhere."
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"- Getting ready for Whacking Day? - What's Whacking Day?"
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"Slow, then fast."
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"[ Both Laugh ]"
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"For the last time, I beg you. Don't lower yourself to the level of the mob."
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"here's our grand marshal, the Prophet of Love, Larry White."
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"- I know my own name. - Yeah? Well, we'll see."
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"[ Whispering, Indistinct ]"
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"Oh, God, no. You people make me sick."
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"- [ Cheering ] - Were they even listening to me?"
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"And now, let's hear it for our own Miss Springfield."
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"Gentlemen, start your whacking."
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"[ Clamoring ]"
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"D'oh!"
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"[Buzzing]"
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"Ew, a bug. [ Screams ]"
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"If the snakes were in here, we could protect them."
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"Well, according to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground."
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"and play something with a lot of bass..."
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"Oh, good idea. Let's see-- bass, bass."
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"Tiny Tim, The Chipmunks' Greatest Hits, A Castrato Christmas."
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"Mr. White! Can we borrow you for a minute?"
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"Don't bother the snakes."
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"[Rumbling]"
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"It was started in 1 924, as an excuse to beat up the Irish."
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"'Tis true. I took many a lump. But 'twas all in good fun."
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"How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?"
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"I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now."
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"- [ All Booing ] - I'm sick of you people."
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"You're nothing but a pack of fickle mush-heads."
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"- [Crowd Cheering] - ####[Man Singing]"
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"- Thanks, Seymour. - Ye-- [ Sighs ] Yes."
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"I've decided to welcome you back to our school."
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"I guess I've always used violence as a way of getting attention."
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"Yes. Yes. Me too."
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"- Oh. - Aw."
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"Faster, Willie, faster. Now, we give 'em the bikes, no one sues."
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"- [ Nervous Chuckle ] - [ Chuckles ] What if they're dead, sir?"
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"Then we ride these bikes to Mexico and freedom, Willie! Freedom!"
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"Freedom. [ Chuckles ] I'll turn you in at the first tollbooth."
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"- [ People Chattering ] - Shh!"
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"-"
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"[Bell Ringing]"
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"## [Jazzy Solo ]"
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"D'oh! [ Screams ]"
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