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Clips from Teenage Euthanasia - Teen Eggs and Scram (S01E01)

"- Somebody's gotta be last place! - Auuugh!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ugh! Seriously?! [ Sirens wailing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"If I weren't wearing a rubber undershirt,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I'd be soaked to the bone."
Teenage Euthanasia
"If you'd rather pretend to be a teenager"
Teenage Euthanasia
"with these screw-ups than spend time with me, fine! [ Laughter ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Enjoy being a slave in a social media sweatshop."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Trophy! Let's put some T-shirts on some roadkill"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and get them wet! [ Car horns honking ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Sirens wailing ] [ Shouting ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Who even does wet T-shirt contests anymore?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"That's, like, so male-gaze."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Exposing your breasts is not a successful life strategy."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You're okay, Annie."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Fear of abandonment is character building."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Unlike my fear of zippers, which I just need to work on."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Tires squeal ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Get in quick before the police find us."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Girls, I'm Mrs. Clomid. [ Laughter ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I run a place that helps young women like you --"
Teenage Euthanasia
"in need of support or escape."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Good thing I keep my police scanner on"
Teenage Euthanasia
"as I drive around town picking up teen girls"
Teenage Euthanasia
"thrown away by their families."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Oh, I'm not a runaway."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I'm related to Trophy -- through birth."
Teenage Euthanasia
"She's easily distracted, but... - Again. Again."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- ...deep down, she loves me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Pretty sure."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Now you're officially a Killmore Girl."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Yes!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Feel free to enjoy the amenities, girls. [ Shouting, cheering ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Whirlpool, free pedicures..."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Here it goes! - ...chicken pox vaccines."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Come on! - Oh! [ Laughs ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Whoo! - What fun!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Is there somewhere I can sit quietly"
Teenage Euthanasia
"until they tire themselves out?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I want to show you the amenities"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I think you'll appreciate."
Teenage Euthanasia
"This way."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Playing soft, mellow tune ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I could tell from the first moment I saw you"
Teenage Euthanasia
"that you're special."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I think you'll feel right at home here."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Here's where we all sit down together"
Teenage Euthanasia
"for a home-cooked dinner each night -- family style."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- What is..."family style"?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- My uterus is curious."
Teenage Euthanasia
"My choice... [ Chuckles ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"...Rolls Royce."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Old man's baby? Yes, they'll pay me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- First time here? Are you pre or post?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Oh, um, I -- I'm just getting the tour."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm gonna use the money to pay for Stanford."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Then, I'll launch my app."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It's like Tinder but for plane tickets."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ooh. - Let's go to my office"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and talk about your growth potential."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Mm. - There!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You complete us, Pete. Shall we toast?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Man wailing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Oh! I should take this."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I'll be right back."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Petey, where are you?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"We work now."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm with the Cuddlefishes."
Teenage Euthanasia
"They've asked me to share their lives with them,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and I think I'm...happy?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Yeah, remember last time you happy."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You saw a sunset,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and we nearly went out of business!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Oh, yeah -- the time I realized"
Teenage Euthanasia
"that the world was so big and so beautiful."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I wish people didn't get so weirded out"
Teenage Euthanasia
"when you grin while burying their family."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ah-hah. Petey, remember mother?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"What does she know?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- She know best."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- And what does mother want?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- For Pete to stop being happy"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and start being a sad undertaker?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Good boy."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Sighs ] God, she's brilliant!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- What it do? The Duplass Brothers,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Morgan Freeman, Scrooge McDuck,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"That Guy Who Drops the Chili on NBC's "The Office" --"
Teenage Euthanasia
"what do they all have in common?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"They all want to have kids,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but their sperms are too damn old!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Holla! It would be illegal and disgusting for them"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to actually have sex with you,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but your teenaged eggs are the best money can buy!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"F-F-F-Feoow! So, what's up? Here's the tea!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"At birth, you simply twerk away your parental rights."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You'll get the future you deserve had your parents"
Teenage Euthanasia
"loved you more or been rich enough to buy your succe--"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You get the drift. May I speak candidly?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"You remind me of myself when I was your age."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Your mom abandoned you, killed herself, got reanimated,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and rather than use her second chance at life"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to be the kind of mother you deserve, she used it"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to refine her skin regimen?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Chuckles ] No."
Teenage Euthanasia
"But Mom did come late to one of my swim meets."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Now I think of every girl here as one of my very own daughters."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Care for some hot cocoa?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- So, you live in luxury,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"get a wad of cash after the birth,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and don't have to raise the -- ugh -- baby?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Sign me up! - Yeah, me too!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ladies."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Girls, you're forgetting everything I've taught you."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Pregnancy means the party's over!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- It's 40,000 Flori-dollars a pop, Grandma."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- They're low-balling you. [ Device warbles ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm sorry. None of you qualify."
Teenage Euthanasia
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