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Clips from South Park - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (S01E01)

"Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo"
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"Lights, please."
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"Come on, Mary, push!"
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"It's a boy!"
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"And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains."
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"Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
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"So?"
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"- Because it's Christmas. - Our family doesn't celebrate Christmas!"
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"- I can sing "The Mr. Hankey Song." - How does that go?"
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"Kyle, that is enough!"
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"That's what you get for raising a pagan."
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"It's fun."
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"Hey! Jewish people can't eat Christmas snow."
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"- We can too. - It's against the law."
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"- Officer Barbrady? - What?"
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"Bye, Kyle. There's no reason for you to come..."
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"Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame."
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"Wait! I may not have Santa, but I do have Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo."
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"- What's this about Christmas poo? - Mr. Hankey."
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"You'll be sorry when I ride on Santa's sleigh with Mr. Hankey."
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"We are deeply offended by the Nativity scene in front of the capital office."
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"Church and state are separate."
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"- What's going on? - The whole town's pissed off."
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"The Nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ..."
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"If you don't want to spill coffee, don't drive with it."
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"Brilliant idea."
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"- Excuse me? - Oh, boy. Here we go again."
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"Kyle!"
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"Anyway, I'll put together a crack team of my best workers..."
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"...to any religious or minority group. Any other suggestions?"
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"- Yes, Mr. Garrison? - Could we get rid of all the Mexicans?"
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"It's disgusting, and we will not have it."
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"- There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey. - Again."
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"- There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey. - It's for your own good."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"- I'm not hearing that. - Hello?"
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"- My dad says you aren't real. - Not real?"
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"Well, shucks, if I weren't real, could I sing this jolly Christmas song?"
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"I'll get in trouble."
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"What? Me?"
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"- Howdy-ho! - Mr. Hankey, where the hell did you go?"
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"Nobody believes in you, not even my friends."
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"That's too bad."
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"We can show everyone the spirit of Christmas."
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"...to any specific group."
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"Is mistletoe offensive?"
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"- What's in the box? - A surprise."
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"Dude, sick!"
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"Is this some kind of Jewish tradition?"
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"Wait, you guys, he's alive."
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"...for use in the holiday season. Ready?"
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"Sand."
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"Stupid wop-dago."
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"Bench."
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"- Do you have to take the tree too? - Mayor's orders."
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"Okay, I'm having a hard time with our Christmas play."
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"- Thanks to Kyle's mom. - Shut up!"
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"Anybody know any non-Santa or non-Jesus Christmas songs?"
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"Shut up, Cartman!"
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"Kyle, did you just throw doo-doo at Eric?"
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"You sick bastard!"
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"- I don't have a problem. - It's my understanding..."
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"...that you have an acute case of fecalphilia."
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"What's that?"
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"A fecalphiliac is somebody who's obsessed with mookie-stinks, Kyle."
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"- I also understand that you're Jewish. - Well, not on purpose."
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"- Do kids make fun of you? - Sometimes."
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"- That must make you mad. - Sure."
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"Mr. Hankey seems so real."
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"Of course he does. In your screwed up head, he's the only friend you have."
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"Kyle!"
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"You're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, m'kay?"
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"- Now let's practice our... - No! Get away from me."
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"Jacket!"
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"Second verse, same as the first."
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"- Hey! Don't push your beliefs on me. - I agree."
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"Kenny, climb the ladder and take down the star above the stage."
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"...non-denominational song by the school chef."
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"...with music and lyrics by New York minimalist composer, Philip Glass."
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"- The Jews didn't want it Christian. - We didn't take out Santa."
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"All you bastards ruined Christmas."
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"- Get him in the ribs. - Tree-hugger!"
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"- We committed him. - What? Why?"
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"The set comes with everything seen here."
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"- I love you, sweetheart. - I love you too."
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"Howdy-ho!"
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"- I draw the line at talking poo. - What's all the ruckus?"
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"Come on, gang, don't fight."
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""Let's sing and dance and bake cookies.""
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"Friends?"
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"You can see him? I'm not crazy?"
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"Bye-bye. Merry Christmas."
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"Goodbye. Bring me lots of gifts. I always believed in you."
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"There were shepherds abiding in the field, watching over their flock."
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"The Lord's angel came upon them, and they were afraid. He said:"
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""Fear not. I bring tidings of joy. For born today in the city of David..."
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"...is the savior, Jesus Christ. Glory to God and good will towards men.""
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"I can see its head!"
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"Wait a minute. Wait."
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"- What kind of sick weirdo are you? - Sorry."
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"How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! My son is Jewish!"
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"So what makes you think he should play Joseph?"
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"You're not gonna lay that Channukah crap on me, are you?"
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"What? You won't get away with this!"
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"- Kyle's mom's here to ruin Christmas. - Shut up, fat boy!"
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"- I'm not fat. I'm festively plump. - Why are you Jewish on Christmas?"
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"Kyle, is there anything you can do for the play that isn't Jesus-related?"
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"Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. Haven't you heard of it?"
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"That does it! I'm going straight to the mayor about you!"
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"Wait, I'm sorry. Was it the pagan remark?"
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"It's snowing."
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"Sick, dude."
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"Is it illegal for Jews to eat Christmas snow?"
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"- Yes. - Damn it!"
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"We have to go tell Santa Claus what we want."
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"...since you don't get Christmas gifts. - I get Channukah gifts for eight days."
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"We'll catch you later, Kyle."
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"He comes out of the toilet and gives gifts to people with high-fiber diets."
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"You are really reaching right now."
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"See ya, dude."
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