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Clips from South Park - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (S01E01)

"Okay, everybody, settle down."
South Park
"You are the Jewish community."
South Park
"- Super-bitch is at it again. - Don't call my mom a bitch."
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"...you must remove Santa, Frosty and all that garbage too."
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"And we must stop cutting down Christmas trees."
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"I'm sick of those flaps on coffee lids."
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"Perhaps we need a new icon for Christmas."
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"Hey, how about Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo?"
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"...and gives gifts to everybody who eats fiber."
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"It's true. He doesn't care what faith you are."
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"- Kyle, we're leaving right now. - Wait."
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"No, Mr. Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans."
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"Rats."
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"- Your father's right, Kyle. - Let me handle this."
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"Having imaginary friends is fine, but this won't do!"
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"I want you to repeat after me, "There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey.""
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"Now go to bed. You won't be opening your Channukah gift tonight."
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"- Probably a stupid dreidel, anyway. - What did you say?"
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"I said, Ike's on fire."
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"Howdy-ho!"
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"Howdy-ho, Kyle."
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"- Gosh, you're looking swell. - Go away."
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"You know something, pal? You smell an awful lot like flowers."
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"- What are you doing? - Nothing."
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"Open the door!"
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"Mr. Hankey, come here."
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"Say something, Mr. Hankey."
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"You should be wearing socks to sleep. You'll catch a cold."
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"Say, that sounds like a swell idea."
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"Yeah, we'll show them."
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"We've got to turn this place around. Take down anything that's offensive..."
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"Is anyone offended by mistletoe?"
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"Lose the mistletoe."
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"I'm getting that John Elway helmet for Christmas."
South Park
"- How do you know? - It's in my parents' closet."
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"- The Ultra Vibe Pleasure 2000. - What's that?"
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"- I don't know, but it sounds sweet. - Hello, everybody."
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"- Let me see. - Okay. Don't scare him."
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"- You better go home and get some sleep. - Dance!"
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"I'm going to say words, and the computer will measure..."
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"...how offended you are. We can find out which words are least offensive..."
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"Christ."
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"Okay. Chair."
South Park
"- Yes, Eric? - How about we sing:"
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"- Howdy-ho! - Mr. Hankey."
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"- What the...? - Gross, Kyle!"
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"Now, Kyle, as your school counselor..."
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"...I want to help you confront your problem, m'kay?"
South Park
"This must be a pretty hard time of year for you."
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"Mad enough to kill, Kyle?"
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"- No, dude! - That's good."
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"You're one screwed-up little kid. You understand?"
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"Try and stay positive. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. In the meantime..."
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"...I'm putting you on a heavy regimen of Prozac."
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"Oh, my God, you sick little monkey!"
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"Children, we've just received word from the mayor..."
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"Kenny, please go over and pull the light cords out of the wall."
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"- Just look more closely at it. - No! Go away!"
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"Stan, you need to do something about your friend."
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"Get him out of here before he hurts anybody."
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"- Any allergies? - No."
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"Good. It looks like they've taken the trees down."
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"There's nothing Christian either. This should be great."
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"- That's offensive to non-Christians. - Oh, come on."
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"Oh, brother."
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"Be careful not to fall in the pool below you."
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"The shark for the third act is in there."
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"Welcome to the South Park Elementary Holiday Experience."
South Park
"Before we start, here's a non-offensive..."
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"Well, old Kyle's gonna be locked up for a while. Get used to it."
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"- Get ready to take your places. - Thank you, Chef."
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"...the non-offensive, non-denominational Christmas play..."
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"What the hell is this?"
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"This is horrible."
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"This is the most God-awful piece of crap I've ever seen."
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"- This is the worst Christmas ever. - Yeah."
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"Where's Kyle?"
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"He kept seeing this brown piece of Christmas poo everywhere."
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"Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey."
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"- Say, kids, why the long faces? - We're bored."
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"...and select your best Mr. Hankey. - That one."
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"Then use the Hankey stand to add eyes, mouth and hats."
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"I made a mariachi Mr. Hankey."
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"Now it's a Mrs. Hankey."
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"This is horrible. All of this because we didn't believe in Mr. Hankey."
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"I believe."
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"I believe in Mr. Hankey."
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"Howdy, folks. Gosh, you sure do smell nice and flowery."
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"Howdy-ho, Chef."
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"Howdy-ho, Mr. Hankey."
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"That does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home."
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"The whole town is about to kill each other."
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"I reckon this could be a job for Mr. Hankey."
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"Stop fighting!"
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"Oh, my God. What the hell is that thing?"
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"You people focus so hard on the things wrong with Christmas..."
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"Don't you see? This is the one time of year..."
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"...we're supposed to forget the bad stuff."
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"...and for just one day say, "The heck with it.""
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"Howdy-ho, Kyle."
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"- Oh, no. I'm not sane yet. - I brought some friends with me."
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"Well, I've got a long night ahead of me."
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"Howdy-ho, ho, ho!"
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"I learned something today. Jewish people are okay."
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"It seems like something's still not right."
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"I'm trying to direct the school Christmas play..."
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"...but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head."
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"You guys, look."
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"It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community."
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"Listen to your father."
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"- But, Dad, he... - Say it!"
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"Mr. Hankey?"
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"Come to school with me so I can prove I'm not crazy."
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"Dance! Dance, damn you!"
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"Here we go."
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"Camel."
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"Golly, that isn't very nice. I'd sure like to teach him a lesson."
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"Mr. Hankey, no."
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"Bye, Kyle. Happy Channukah."
South Park
"- Welcome to the South Park... - Wait. There's a star above the stage."
South Park
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