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Clips from Family Guy - Death Is a Bitch (S02E02)

""laugh 'n' cry"
Family Guy
"- I'm Morley Safer. - I'm Mike Wallace."
Family Guy
"- I'm Ed Bradley. - I'm Lesley Stahl."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God! I found a lump! A breast lump!"
Family Guy
"The healthiest thing we can do is just ignore this and pretend it doesn't exist."
Family Guy
"Just like we do with the squid."
Family Guy
"I'm gonna be fine. Nothing to worry about."
Family Guy
"Morning."
Family Guy
"Mr. Griffin, I'd say you have about a month to live."
Family Guy
"But what the hell do I know? I've been sued by every patient I ever had."
Family Guy
"No! I shall put you down for a nap, Mother!"
Family Guy
"No. Mommy's made peace with that."
Family Guy
"Anyone?"
Family Guy
"Okay, $70. What?"
Family Guy
"Peter, this is ridiculous. You're going to be fine."
Family Guy
"Will you just tell us about Peter's tests?"
Family Guy
"As it turns out, the lump on your chest was just a fatty corpuscle."
Family Guy
"Can't it be both?"
Family Guy
"All I gotta do is write "deceased" right here where it says "name.""
Family Guy
"And where it says "sex," I'll write, "No, thanks. I'm dead.""
Family Guy
"But you promised the fat one would perish."
Family Guy
"Come on, man. Which one of you is Peter Griffin?"
Family Guy
"This is Peter Griffin."
Family Guy
"Why are you..."
Family Guy
"The doctor! I guess he must know, right?"
Family Guy
"I know my doctor was hitting on me, but you don't have to call him names."
Family Guy
"We were in the middle of a turkey dinner to celebrate Peter's good health."
Family Guy
"Do you mind?"
Family Guy
"My last helping of white meat was drier than Oscar Wilde."
Family Guy
"Wait! You can't go."
Family Guy
"...and live for another 40 or 50 years."
Family Guy
"Be strong."
Family Guy
"Yes. I think we all know what that's going to be like."
Family Guy
"My sister-in-law."
Family Guy
"Yes, right. Right. Carol. Yes. That's right. How is Carol?"
Family Guy
"But, you know, whatever. That's good."
Family Guy
"It's a sprained ankle."
Family Guy
"What the hell are you doing?"
Family Guy
"Wait a minute. So no matter what I do, I won't die?"
Family Guy
"...l'm no longer lurking in the shadows, consequences will be dire."
Family Guy
"Could you repeat that, please, Peter? I believe I had something crazy in my ear."
Family Guy
"- What the hell? - Okay."
Family Guy
"It's your turn, Death."
Family Guy
"Here it comes."
Family Guy
"I just assumed you were gonna make it with milk, not crap!"
Family Guy
"I can learn how to please my man. Go get me an Entertainment Weekly."
Family Guy
"Of course!"
Family Guy
"...to alcohol poisoning."
Family Guy
"Peter, are you a witch?"
Family Guy
""Aren't you Richard Simmons?""
Family Guy
"- Peter, no! - Now you're being brainless."
Family Guy
"Aren't you Richard Simmons?"
Family Guy
"Man, the second Dad found out, he started in with the whole:"
Family Guy
"Stewie, leave Death alone."
Family Guy
"I'm gonna be a virgin forever."
Family Guy
"Okay. I'll spare his life."
Family Guy
"Peter, Death just agreed to let you live."
Family Guy
"Our top story tonight, the rules of death no longer apply."
Family Guy
"Our own Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa, filed this report, all by herself!"
Family Guy
"Okay, here goes."
Family Guy
"What have I done?"
Family Guy
"And now it's time for sports."
Family Guy
"Boy, this doesn't leave much to the imagination."
Family Guy
"...but I don't think I could ever do what you do."
Family Guy
"- Actually, I think I'm gonna be okay. - Oh, Jack."
Family Guy
"I still can't believe you let me do that!"
Family Guy
"How about if you blow up the earth?"
Family Guy
"The kids are on their way to LA to renegotiate their contracts."
Family Guy
"If you go now, you'll catch them. No way."
Family Guy
"Your Q-rating's through the roof."
Family Guy
"- Will you sign my ass? - You have a pen?"
Family Guy
"Jeez, everybody? Except you."
Family Guy
"We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes."
Family Guy
"Yeah, I'm here. And you can forget it. I've changed my mind."
Family Guy
"Open up in there!"
Family Guy
"What are you doing? You're not a pilot. I know every pilot in the world!"
Family Guy
"It was a movie in the '70s."
Family Guy
"Hats off to Miss Black for proving once again that, given the opportunity..."
Family Guy
"What the hell? I told you to waste the Dawson's Creek kids."
Family Guy
"We're gonna miss you, Death. Don't worry."
Family Guy
"Is he joking?"
Family Guy
"Okay, see you later."
Family Guy
""It seems today that all you see"
Family Guy
""Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you"
Family Guy
"And one of you is hung like an elf."
Family Guy
"I feel so naughty. Lois, what are you doing?"
Family Guy
"Knock it off!"
Family Guy
"The important thing is to stay calm. It's probably nothing, honey."
Family Guy
"That's easy for you to say. You get to keep both your cans."
Family Guy
"Peter, don't talk like that! You'll see a doctor tomorrow and..."
Family Guy
"No. I'm not gonna see a doctor, Lois."
Family Guy
"Earthquake. Truck going by."
Family Guy
"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have?"
Family Guy
"Look at the size of this file."
Family Guy
"This is... Wow."
Family Guy
"Let's just wait for the test results."
Family Guy
"Finish up, honey. Then I'll put you down for a nice nap."
Family Guy
"You mean because he's a borderline alcoholic?"
Family Guy
"Chris, that's a terrible word, "booby.""
Family Guy
"Mom, Debbie Miller's dad had a lump on his breast, and he turned out okay."
Family Guy
"Really? Who's Debbie Miller?"
Family Guy
"A girl I just made up."
Family Guy
"Guys, I don't say this often enough, but I'm gonna die."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God. High five! Anyone?"
Family Guy
"You can't die! Who's gonna take me to the Father-Son dance?"
Family Guy
"Listen, I've had a good life."
Family Guy
"Peter, there's no way you could die."
Family Guy
"You're the most important character in this family."
Family Guy
"I'll take this one. But I won't pay a cent over $60."
Family Guy
"$2,000. That's twice the cost!"
Family Guy
"He doesn't know how to haggle."
Family Guy
"Peter, what's going on?"
Family Guy
"I'm selling all my worldly goods, so you'll have some cash when I'm dead."
Family Guy
"Yeah, a lot of memories here. Look, my first bike."
Family Guy
"Boy, I had so much fun playing with that."
Family Guy
"More tea, Mr. Bike?"
Family Guy
"Dad, the doctor called. Your test results are in."
Family Guy
"This doesn't look very good. No, this doesn't look very good at all."
Family Guy
"My nephew drew my portrait. It doesn't look a thing like me."
Family Guy
"Look at the nose. It's all..."
Family Guy
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