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Clips from NewsRadio - Copy Machine (S04E04)

"Ted? He-- He was n-- Was he new? He must have been new, right?"
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"No, no. He worked here for, uh, five-- uh, six years, actually."
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"Apparently he, uh, you know, looked after the books..."
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"Ted? Well, uh, he was, uh-- he was-- he was very, um--"
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"Well, if there's no picture here, I--"
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"Look, I didn't know him either, all right? I mean--"
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"You know? Guess he was just one of those guys in Ac--"
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"Yeah. Look, I-I know this is very sad and... weird, [ Matthew Exhales ]"
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"All right? No. That's all right."
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"Hey, Dave, I-I came as soon as I heard."
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"I'm kind of in the middle of, uh--"
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"Doesn't matter. How, uh-- How are you holdin' up, son?"
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"I'm saddened by the death of another human being, obviously,"
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"but, you know, I really didn't know the guy."
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"That-That's cold, like that cold mom in Ordinary People..."
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"who was so cold and emotionless that her son ended up, you know,"
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"I'm talkin' about the director's cut. Now, come on. Come on."
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"What-What-What's really goin' on in that-- inside that head of yours?"
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"Well-- [ Exhales ] really nothing. I mean, I'm sorry, sir."
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"No, Dave! No, no. You can't keep it all bottled up inside..."
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"like a case of soda pop that's been in the garage too long."
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"I mean, eventually it's-- it's gonna explode."
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"[ Chuckles ] I'm guessin' you learned that the hard way, huh?"
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"It was like a root-beer lake in there."
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"Why would you ever have that much root beer?"
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"Dave, really, I don't think today's the day to, you know,"
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"regale you with the story of my world-famous, root-beer Jacuzzi."
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"I gotta-- I gotta go."
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"Joe, you're hurting me."
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"- I killed that dude. - [ Lisa ] Who?"
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"[ Clicks Tongue ] There was a dude named Ted. He died. I killed him."
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"Joe, how could you possibly be responsible for Ted's death?"
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"I modified the document feeder so it would collate faster."
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"I figure if I stayed in here, at least I wouldn't be able to hurt anybody."
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"Joe, you're not gonna hurt anybody."
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"Yes, I'm fine. Joe, you gotta stop blaming yourself for this."
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"Ted's death was nothing but a freak accident."
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"[ Clicks Tongue ] No, it wasn't. Matthew didn't have anything to do with it."
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"It's all my fault, and that's why I'm in here."
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"Yeah."
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"Come in?"
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"Hi, Dave. I was wondering if you could help me edit this piece on--"
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"No, I'll just come back later. This probably isn't a good time."
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"- Well, why not? What-- - Well, you're obviously grieving over Ted."
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"No, I'm just going over these spreadsheets."
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"Matthew, I don't mean to sound... callous, but I really didn't know the guy."
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"I'm fine. Okay. You know what? I'm just gonna leave now."
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"[ Clicks Tongue ] I'm gonna close the door behind me,"
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"Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, please. Yeah."
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"I didn't know the guy, all right? I-I-I-- I'm fine."
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"Okay. I know that you think you are, Dave,"
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"but I worked very, very long, very hard on this piece-- [ Stammering ]"
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"and I don't want you to tear it apart..."
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"I-I'm not venting, all right? I was angry at Matthew."
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"Right. You're angry at Matthew,"
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"but you're not angry with God..."
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"Look, Ted wasn't my friend. I didn't know the man."
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"But now you wish you did know him, right? Sure, naturally, now."
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"We're not getting anywhere. In fact, get out."
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"You know, it looks like Vent City here. Tell me about it."
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"Just please-- Just get out. Remember, Dave, just remember: no taboos."
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"[ Light, Rapid Knocking ] [ Sighs ]"
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"Oh, I thought I heard you crying."
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"[ Knocking Resumes ]"
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"[ Continues ] What?"
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"[ Knocking Resumes ] Oh, leave me alone!"
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"No, I'm sorry, sir. That wasn't... for you."
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"You sure? Because you seem a little upset."
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"No, I'm not upset at all. I'm not--"
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"Far from being upset. I-I'm really quite the opposite, what-whatever that would be."
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"Oh. [ Clears Throat ] Well, see, this is Jack, Ted's roommate from college."
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"So... you're not upset about Ted's death?"
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"Of course I am."
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"venting my anger at God for, uh, taking away my friend Ted."
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"Well, basically, Ted's family asked me to give the eulogy at his funeral,"
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"so, uh, I flew in this morning, and here I am."
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"[ Stammering ] Wh-Wha--"
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"D-Do you mean to say that the actual service is gonna be..."
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"I was hopin' some of his coworkers could, you know,"
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"- Oh, w-well, that's-- that's very thoughtful. - Thanks."
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"Oh, oh. Uh, n-no, I'm really not the person--"
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"I'm gonna be completely honest with you here, all right?"
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"Uh-- [ Sighs ] I really didn't know Ted at all."
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"Hey, I hear someone's in the market for a few good Ted stories."
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"Yes, that is correct."
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"into Bill's secret repository of tasty Ted-bits and fond Ted-memberances."
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"You know what they say: "Little man, big emotion.""
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"Best man in the world to be stuck in a foxhole with."
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"He took a bullet for me in the battle for San... Luis Obispo."
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"a favorite song or book, movie, anything?"
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"You know who you should talk to about this is, uh-- is Beth. Hang on."
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"It's fine. I mean-- It's weird, you know."
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"I think... no matter how well you know a person, I think you always wish you knew 'em better."
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"is leaving, you know, or someone new arrives."
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"It's like, Catherine was here."
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"And then, you know, she left, and now..."
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"we hardly even talk about her anymore, which--"
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"[ Muttering ]"
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"You okay, 'cause--"
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"I miss Catherine, you know? I miss her so much!"
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"It's weird. Of course you do. Um, about Ted--"
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"You know, you can't know everybody. You know? You just can't. I mean--"
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"Take that guy for example. I mean, he's probably worked here for years."
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"What goes on in your little world?"
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"[ Chuckles ] What are you doing at my desk?"
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"Hey, get out of my purse!"
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"Ew. You fished it out of the toilet?"
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"[ Groaning ] Well, I rinsed it off."
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"Forget it. I'll never work with my hands again."
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"Joe, one time when I was a young man-- I have a question."
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"I'm not gonna pick my nose."
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"You are one of the top three most indispensable people working in this station."
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"dude."
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"Oh, sorry. Uh, Matthew, that guy's friend wants to talk to you."
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"Will you guys just leave me alone?"
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"All right. You killed Ted. Big deal. Am I right?"
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"Don't get me wrong. I'm as upset as anybody about this. Bill--"
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"Hey, Joe. I know right now you're feeling very confu--"
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"Ew! Who fished the monkey wrench out of the toilet? [ Jimmy, Dave ] Lisa."
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"You know, toilet water is, like, almost the same..."
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