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Clips from NewsRadio - Copy Machine (S04E04)

"Oh. What's, uh-- What up?"
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"The "coffier" where we make coffees?"
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"Um, well, you know that guy Ted from Accounting? No."
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"and he got his tie caught in the copy machine."
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"Ted. Ted, whatever. "Look at me, I'm Ted,"
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"and I got a big fat tie, and I wanna make 20 copies of it.""
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"- He died, Matthew. - "And I'm dead!""
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"Oh, he's dead."
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"- Ad Sales, did you say? - Accounting."
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"What did he look like?"
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"I'm-- Well, I'm fine. Sure you are."
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"No, no, really. I'm-I'm-- I mean, I'm--"
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"Oh, that's cold."
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"choppin' her up with an ax at the end of the movie."
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"I wish I could give you more, but I just can't. I didn't know the guy."
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"Well, what's goin' on?"
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"He was alone when he died."
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"[ Lisa ] Come on, Joe. Dave didn't mean it. Now come out of there. [ Joe ] No."
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"Ow! Oh. Please, don't die! Please, don't die!"
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"I'm all right. I'm all right. You sure?"
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"Doing what, exactly?"
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"Is that possible? I don't know. I'm tryin'."
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"Is that your monkey wrench?"
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"[ Continues ]"
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"I should just let you finish those so you can get back to your grieving."
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"So just-- Matthew, Matthew, Matthew. Come here. Come here. Come here."
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"just because of some pent-up rage that you have over Ted's death."
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"Oh, Dave, that's terrific."
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"- Okay, good. This feels good. Now we're gettin' somewhere. - No, we're not."
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"[ Continues ] What?"
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"Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. Should we come back later?"
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"Oh. Well--"
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"Sure, I'm upset. In fact, only moments ago, I was..."
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"Well, you know--"
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"here in the office?"
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"No, of course not."
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"No, I mean, it doesn't have to be a great anecdote. Just anything at all. Just--"
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"Jack, um,"
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"He seems like a great guy."
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"Then walk this way through the gates of Ted-dom..."
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"He's wearing a mask of callousness to hide his grief."
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"Never heard that before. Well, I'm part Cherokee."
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"Hell of a guy."
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"One of the bravest sons of bitches I ever knew."
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"- Is there anything else you remember about him? - Nope."
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"[ Laughs ] No."
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"But if it's too soon for you to talk,"
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"Oh, yeah. It's hard. It's hard. I mean, each week someone..."
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"[ Sobbing ] I'm fine. I just--"
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"I've never met him."
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"I can't do it. Yes, you can."
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"Look, I salvaged your favorite monkey wrench."
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"What, are you gonna use your feet?"
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"Matthew, not now. Quick question."
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"How are you gonna pick your nose?"
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"[ Sighs ] Joe, I can say this without any exaggeration."
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"This dude has never been more serious,"
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"All right. Except for Dave. Sorry, big guy. [ Mouthing Words ]"
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"And I actually wrote a song t-to help me. Mm-hmm."
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"Yeah. Can I sing it to you? 'Cause it really helps me."
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"Yeah. No, please. Yeah, good. Okay."
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"♪ He's dead ♪ ♪ [ Vocalizing ]"
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"♪ And the hobbits and the gnomes They're dancing to and fro ♪"
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"♪ They have to keep the plus-two sword ♪"
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"♪ Now we're really, really really, really rockin' ♪"
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"♪ [ Imitating Electric Guitar ]"
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"Uh, verse two."
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"I'm gonna use the copier exactly the way Ted did that night."
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"Even if I... dangle my tie over top of here, nothin' happens."
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"It's just not going to happen, Joe. [ Whirring ]"
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"[ Joe ] Yeah, I guess."
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"Off the hook, eh, compadre?"
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"No problem, Joe."
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"You doin' all right, Dave? Yeah, fine."
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"[ Together ] Oh, my God!"
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"♪ But Balrog the dragon ♪"
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"♪ Was a clever beast ♪"
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"♪ Matthew's vorpal sword of sharpness was no match ♪"
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"Do any of them have anything to do with Ted?"
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"Wait, wait, wait, wait. I got verse seven comin' right now."
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"[ Beth ] Just have a seat. Here we go. Okay."
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"Get you some coffee. Okay. All right, now."
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"in this little demonstration, okay?"
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"Okay now. Here we go."
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"Just take-- It's hot. then he would h--"
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"untimely and fatal... accident."
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"And I emphasize... the word "accident.""
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"- and keep it from killin' again. - Yea!"
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"It's a note from Ted."
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"so that it provides a quick and painless death.""
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""Details on how to do this may be obtained..."
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""on the Web at www.freakzilla.com."
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"[ Clatters ]"
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"Hey. Oh, hey. Uh, headin' off?"
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"I thought you two were roommates."
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"Not telling it like it is."
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"but, you know, he was a human being."
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"And apparently one in a great deal of pain,"
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"Huh. I-I guess you're right. I guess--"
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"No, it's not w-- It's actually quite normal."
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"Star Wars was one."
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"Oh, it says here that he also... loved tennis."
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"[ Lisa ] What's goin' on? That's what we'd like to know."
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"The little corporal here has some big news, but he won't tell us what."
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"I would just prefer to wait till everyone's here, okay? [ Crash ]"
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"Well, um, apparently there was, uh--"
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"there was an accident last night involving the, uh-- the copy machine."
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"I know. That's what I said-- the coffee machine."
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"No, Matthew, the copier, where we make copies."
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"You know, Ted. Uh-uh."
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"- Ted. He's in the-- - What department does he work in again?"
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"No. All right. Well, anyway,"
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"apparently Ted was working here late last night on his own and, uh--"
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"[ Laughing ] And--"
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"You're joking, right? [ Joe ] What a dope."
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"- No. - That is so stupid."
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"What?"
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"and he choked to death."
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"[ Chortling ] Oh, God. You had me. You had me right there."
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"[ Chortling ]"
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