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Clips from The Office - Judgement (S01E01)

"You're not getting fired. It's redundancy. As I said, it's nothing personal."
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"Now I'm gonna ask you David, why, when there are three other forklift operators,"
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"do you decide to fire me and not Anton?"
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"I don't know what you mean."
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"- no, he's a midget. - What's the difference?"
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"Yeah. Bloody hormones."
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""This has been imposed upon me!" "This has been imposed upon me!""
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"I want you to apologise and stop passing the buck!"
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"It's called an education."
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"So..."
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"This is Malcolm. This is Karen Roper, my new secretary."
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"- Nice to meet you. - Hello."
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"Different people, different jobs. Isn't it?"
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"- David, what I want to know... - That's what we call him. Not to his face."
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"Who loves you baby!"
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"...am I going to be fired? When will we know what's happening?"
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"I don't know if you met Tim. He's thinking of leaving."
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"In the office. Walk this way."
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"Quack, quack, quack!"
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"- Not at all, David. No. - Definitely not. No way."
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"it's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?"
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"Let's be honest, David, I am 30."
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"- That he doesn't want! - I didn't ask you."
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"- Ok you ask me how I felt and I'm telling you... - I don't want to know now."
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"Why don't you both go and do some work instead of whinging, please?"
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"Yeah. Hello."
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"- And you? - Er, yes."
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"I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist."
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"and not just another arbitrary job."
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"Yeah. I'll just do it like this."
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"- Hiya. - Hi, David. Are you ready?"
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"Yeah."
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"I can tell you now, the board have voted 5-2 in favour of you taking the job."
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"You've always made it very clear that you're 100% committed to your branch."
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"and your branch will be downsized and incorporated into his?"
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"Bye, Jennifer."
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"Fine."
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"Um..."
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"I'm in shock."
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"What about us?"
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"- Assistant to the regional manager. - Yeah."
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"Not 'cause of that, just..."
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"what about Neil? Does he need an...? I could be his assistant."
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"What are you?"
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"Anyway..."
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"- The dog was called nigger. - Don't keep saying it."
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"Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something I can re-order."
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"Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth."
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"# that's where I'm gonna go when I die"
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"Yeah you do all that only for foreigners or women or disables to take advantage of it."
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"Can I withdraw my last comment?"
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"# whoa!"
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"# And don't it feel good"
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"# and don't it feel good"
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"As you know, taking that job will mean a lot of you will lose your jobs,"
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"- So you're staying here? - Yes. We all are."
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"hip hip hooray for David Brent! Hip hip..."
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"# you're my sex bomb"
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"# baby, you can turn me on turn me on... #"
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"- Did you ask my girlfriend out? - Eh? No. What?"
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"- Have we've got a problem here, sweetheart? - No, we haven't got a problem here."
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"It was just a soldier to cry on."
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"# it's hard to bear with no one to love you"
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"# it's tragedy"
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"# when the morning cries and your heart just dies"
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"It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she seems to..."
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"What's worse - cheating medical science or cheating friends?"
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"Oh. I thought you wanted to go back to university and everything."
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"Oh, right."
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"David's made me senior sales clerk."
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"Um..."
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"well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year."
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"And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is"
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"This is the worst part of my job, you know."
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"I do not want to lose a good man."
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"But it's out of my hands,"
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"and if it were in my hands,my hands are tied. It's nothing personal, It's just based on factors that..."
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"Why am I getting fired?"
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"It's cutbacks, being what they are, you are one of the unlucky ones."
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"Or one of the lucky ones in my opinion!"
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"Is this positive discrimination?"
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"Do you have disability quotas you have to fill?"
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"Are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled?"
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"- Anton's not disabled. - He's a midget, David."
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"Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget. That's not a disability, that's just small."
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"Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment."
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"Ronnie Corbett's five foot. Anton's three foot four."
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"So are some children. Children aren't disabled, are they?"
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"Children don't work in warehouses."
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"Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf..."
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"Well a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs."
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"Oh, I know the ones."
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"It's caused by a hormone deficiency."
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"A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion."
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"So what's an elf?"
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"Do you want to answer that?"
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"An elf is a supernatural being."
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"Sometimes they're invisible, like fairies."
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"They don't actually exist, do they? In real life?"
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"What do you want me to...Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me."
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"Yeah it has. What do you want me to say, Oh I'm sorry? That I'll give you a job back?"
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"Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry."
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"I'm not passing the buck. This is someone else's decision. I didn't want to do this."
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"- Go above my head if you dont believe me. - Oh, I will go above your head."
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"- Good luck. It's your prerogative. - Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative."
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"- So is a pixie the same as an elf? - Hold on, Gareth."
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"What? I just want to know how come he knows so much about midgets."
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"- So what's a goblin? - How long you gonna be mate?"
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"I know I probably seem like quite an imposing figure now -"
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"you know, the slick boss -"
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"but get to know me, you'll see I'm mad."
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"I brought that in."
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"oh, here we go."
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"Malcolm."
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"Although you can all use her - Oh, as the actress said to the bishop."
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"David, can I just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary"
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"when you're having to fire people like Alex this morning?"
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"To whit, the answer to the question, is it people or task"
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"is - well, you know - people."
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"Like this person. Kojak."
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