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Clips from Scrubs - My Rule of Thumb (S03E03)

"You're a typical surgeon. As a rule you guys are insensitive and egotistical,"
Scrubs
"and you have the humour of a fourth grader."
Scrubs
"That's just not true."
Scrubs
"Who wants to touch my giant balls?"
Scrubs
"Your kidney's healed enough to release you,"
Scrubs
"but no sparring in karate class for two months."
Scrubs
"Two months? That's a real punch in the crotch."
Scrubs
"Could you stop using that expression? I can't get it out of my head."
Scrubs
"Ladies, explain to me why you are so concerned"
Scrubs
"with my policy on patients having sex?"
Scrubs
"Well, why not make it the same as my sex policy with my wife:"
Scrubs
"Absolutely not. Now make me a sandwich."
Scrubs
"- So, you and Jordan had a kid. - Parenthood's amazing."
Scrubs
"Some peon from surgery's gonna do your pre-op then you're good to go."
Scrubs
"I shacked up with a man before I was married, too. His name was Jesus."
Scrubs
"About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to crash for a while."
Scrubs
"Now my office is a nursery, my closet is my office,"
Scrubs
"which I guess is kind of nice, I don't even know any more."
Scrubs
"Here's the rule. The moment her toothbrush hits your sink,"
Scrubs
"you've got yourself a permanent roomie."
Scrubs
"Gotta go."
Scrubs
"- She has cold toes. - Ted, don't be that guy."
Scrubs
"This is so exciting. The closest I've ever come to breaking the law"
Scrubs
"but if it is half as much fun as buying one, sign me up."
Scrubs
"Sorry."
Scrubs
"but in layman's terms, I guess you'd call it watching."
Scrubs
"- Could you excuse me one second? - Sure."
Scrubs
"I taught him that. Well struck, Barry."
Scrubs
"No. Oh, I had a couple of glasses of champagne at my daughter's wedding."
Scrubs
"But a little champagne's no big deal, huh?"
Scrubs
"I totally forgot the rule to the transplant list is no drinking,"
Scrubs
"unless Cox says you're a great guy."
Scrubs
"Come on, the guy's been on the list for three years."
Scrubs
"He's out."
Scrubs
"This is why you shouldn't get emotionally invested in your patients."
Scrubs
"Hey, Bob-O, now when the dark prince does finally call you home,"
Scrubs
"Because when those buzz-cuts have given up"
Scrubs
"on figuring out exactly what a black hole is,"
Scrubs
"and get one look at that space where your heart was supposed to be,"
Scrubs
"well, they're just gonna say: "Aw, shucks. That's what it is.""
Scrubs
"Bob Kelso. How ya doing?"
Scrubs
"You're gonna have to tell her she can't move in."
Scrubs
"It's no big deal. It's not like she has the keys yet."
Scrubs
"God, I'm horrible at giving bad news."
Scrubs
"Wait, I'm a doctor. I give bad news all the time."
Scrubs
"Just like I did with Mr Clark this morning."
Scrubs
"Who does his daughter always remind me of?"
Scrubs
"Molly Ringwald."
Scrubs
"Come on, focus! You have to tell her."
Scrubs
"Yes, this is JD."
Scrubs
"- Slim, what are you in for? - Robbery."
Scrubs
"Prostitution."
Scrubs
"Photo-op. Slammer."
Scrubs
"Who wants to tell me what happened? Lucy? Ethel?"
Scrubs
"Oh, hey, Dr Turk, you old, turtle-headed pain in the ass."
Scrubs
"You're better than that. Turn the car around."
Scrubs
"You see, that's what's wrong with you medical guys."
Scrubs
"...never..."
Scrubs
"...know..."
Scrubs
"...when to..."
Scrubs
"I love how much you guys care about your patients."
Scrubs
"Wow, Danni is so sweet. What am I worried about?"
Scrubs
"Jordan and I are from here. Our friend Chuck's a stripper."
Scrubs
"He knows tons of guys who'd love to have sex with your patient."
Scrubs
"Danni, can you have the guys practise in the other room please?"
Scrubs
"Excellent work, everyone."
Scrubs
"You're new here so I wanted to offer you the chance to assist me in a bypass."
Scrubs
"By that, I mean we'd bypass the kissing and go straight to the..."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, you're a dude?"
Scrubs
"Sorry, Larry."
Scrubs
"I feel so bad. Look, I'll make it up to him."
Scrubs
"I will hook him up with that chick."
Scrubs
"That'll be $ 7,000. Please pay at the second window."
Scrubs
"- I'm getting sick of this. - Oh, I'm sorry. Are you talking?"
Scrubs
"I've decided to keep my finger on the button"
Scrubs
"so I can't hear anything that's going on in there."
Scrubs
"For fairness' sake, I've decided to do your end of the conversation."
Scrubs
"...cool hip-hop lingo..."
Scrubs
"Anyway, I've come up with a whole new plan about Mr Iverson."
Scrubs
"If you wanna take that liver away because we're having some personal beef,"
Scrubs
"you go and tell the man yourself."
Scrubs
"Please, stop."
Scrubs
"It's the hips that fool me."
Scrubs
"- Same job, different outfit. - True dat."
Scrubs
"Elliot. You ain't as ghetto as you think you are!"
Scrubs
"- Can I help you? - No. He told me to say "hi"."
Scrubs
"That's our new transplant patient."
Scrubs
"She's alienated every member of my surgical team."
Scrubs
"You're not even on the surgical team."
Scrubs
"I'm a very important part of the team... I'm a very important part of the team."
Scrubs
"I see, so that's it? You say she gets the liver and that's the way it goes?"
Scrubs
"As a surgeon, the person I'm closest to is the guy who's giving us the liver."
Scrubs
"Because it's a gift."
Scrubs
"It's important it goes to the person"
Scrubs
"that's proven they're up to the responsibility."
Scrubs
"Holy cow, I get it. I gotta collect myself. That's very touching."
Scrubs
"You know I'm right."
Scrubs
"- She's sleeping. - So?"
Scrubs
"Big plans for tonight?"
Scrubs
"It's Turk's stupid rule. I don't wanna talk about it."
Scrubs
"He is a complete tool."
Scrubs
"But I suppose you could do a lot worse."
Scrubs
"Yeah."
Scrubs
"Now."
Scrubs
"Turk will start a fight with Carla that he'll lose."
Scrubs
"This wedding is about us. How come I can't be comfortable?"
Scrubs
"There's the right pitch. I think that..."
Scrubs
"I would love to hear what you have to say."
Scrubs
"It slipped."
Scrubs
"Miss Himsel, it helps to not really know what you're doing."
Scrubs
"- Sorry. - That's OK."
Scrubs
"I got a story about that too. Not about me. My mom. She gets Ionely."
Scrubs
"- Careful, though, Randall got loose. - Who?"
Scrubs
"You know what? I'm glad he was drunk."
Scrubs
"I don't disdain you. It's quite the opposite. I "dain" you."
Scrubs
"- Isn't Marianna your mother? - Who are we talking about, you or me?"
Scrubs
"For a while."
Scrubs
"Downy soft."
Scrubs
"Hey, real sorry about the whole mom situation, there."
Scrubs
"What guy?"
Scrubs
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