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Clips from Scrubs - My Rule of Thumb (S03E03)

"Dr Kelso will systematically break Ted's spirit."
Scrubs
"Ted, I meant to tell you eight months ago,"
Scrubs
"How many times must I tell you you're not wearing sweats?"
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"I'm also wearing a cape and I'll stand on the altar like..."
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"To break the pattern, you need something shocking to happen."
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"Check Mr Iverson into Sacred Heart for the last time, will ya?"
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"like a cool breeze that lifts the spirits of everyone it touches."
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"Chicken."
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"Spill it. Carla tells me everything."
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"If your wedding is in Spanish, how will I know you're officially married?"
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"Oh, God, I wish I was ethnic."
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"It's always hard to work with terminally ill patients."
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"for no good reason."
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"Oh, boy, do they! I slept with Jenny Johnson's brother in high school."
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"I walked in on my sister and Perry this morning. Can you imagine?"
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"Why?"
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"Where was he, what inflection did he use, was he drinking?"
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"- How was the liquor store, big guy? - What are you talking about?"
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"Your six pack. Much love."
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"I don't know what you're talking about,"
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"If you get to know me better, you just might dain me too."
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"That's interesting. It's gibberish, but it's interesting."
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"Damn."
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"- No reason. Trying to learn. - Just curious. I love you."
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"You're all set."
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"- Jackass. - Bite me."
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"Great guy."
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"Come on, let's find a man-whore."
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"She's not moving in permanently. She's just crashing for a while."
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"my clothes are in the entertainment centre, my TV is in the john,"
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"Same thing happened to me."
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"After my divorce, I told Marianna I'd crash at her place a few weeks."
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"We've been sharing a bed for eight years."
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"There'll be toilet paper everywhere."
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"was when Alex Peterson sold his mom's Virginia Slims."
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"Though I won't perform the transplant, I am a key member of the team."
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"It's too complicated to explain what it is I do,"
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"Let's finish up here, OK? Have you been smoking?"
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"Look, Barry's a great guy."
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"please promise me that you'll donate your body to science."
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"I don't mean medical science, I mean NASA."
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"Hey, champ, what has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?"
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"She was good in The Breakfast Club. I should rent that again."
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"I'd love to pick you up at jail."
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"Would you please stop enjoying this so much?"
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"Hell, yeah."
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"There'll be banana-hammocks everywhere."
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"Dude, that's Larry again."
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"It goes something like this:"
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"Don't worry, sweetheart, this'll be over in a second."
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"Chuck gave up stripping to become a city councilman."
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"Let's see how Maggie's doing."
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"You picked her, so I'm quite sure she is so very nice."
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"She gets the liver because she followed the rules."
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"Dr Cox, I know it's hard on you medical guys,"
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"Other times, well..."
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"Other times, rules are meant to be broken."
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"Once in a while you have to throw all the rules out the window"
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"Thanks."
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"At Sacred Heart, there are certain things you can always count on."
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"all those days of vacation you saved up expire right..."
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"I was going to visit the Alamo with the guys from my public... speaking class."
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"I do!"
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"Sean and Elliot will try to keep their relationship going."
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"I love these new camera phones you got us."
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"Did you get it? No?"
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"And the Janitor will think of new ways to torture me."
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"Hey... Don't open your locker for the next couple of days."
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"Why?"
Scrubs
"Like, say, Dr Cox being in a good mood."
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"You know, pal, after three long years of watching you climb that transplant list,"
Scrubs
"Oh, it's going to be a great day."
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"Not today. Life's too good."
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"Come on, Turk, I got two minutes left on my break."
Scrubs
"- How long is this surgery gonna take? - Cut the guy some slack."
Scrubs
"Surgery is not as easy as it looks."
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"He's gotta make the incision, cut the wrong artery, panic,"
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"collapse in a ball of tears in the corner."
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"After that, he's gotta wash up, check the board"
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"and find out who he'll be killing after lunch. It's a grind."
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"but you've never told me what you think of him."
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"Hold that thought."
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"I don't think so, bowling ball."
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"Except about that curling iron you have in your locker."
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"I can totally do this."
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"- Carla... - What?"
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"My cousins will throw tortillas in the air and fire their guns."
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"Ted's helping Maggie with her will."
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"Thanks again, Ted. How'd you get through 60 pages so quickly?"
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"Stop it, Ted. You're a great lawyer."
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"I love her."
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"There's only one thing I'll regret. I'm 38 years old and I'm a virgin."
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"- Me too. - Elliot."
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"Sorry. It's from playing in a Christian rock band,"
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"which was bull, because everyone slept with everyone."
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"I was waiting for someone special."
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"Now I feel like I've missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life"
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"Is there anything we can do?"
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"Don't people sometimes pay for sex?"
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"He told all his friends what my orgasm face looked like."
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"Three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos. I paid for that."
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"Elliot, she means pay money for sex."
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"Isn't it great being so comfortable, you don't have to talk?"
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"Sorry, I'm a little preoccupied."
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"Powerful tiny fists."
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"I gotta get out of there. Could I crash at your house?"
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"Sure. Just bring your own toilet paper."
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"It's kind of a little rule we have with our guests."
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"Preferably something two-ply."
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"- How's it going? - I'm crashing at your place tonight."
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"- Cool. Bring toilet paper. - I already told her."
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"- How'd you get Dr Cox to like you? - Dr Cox said he liked me?"
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"- You missed the point. - Three things."
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"I don't care. Drinking makes you truthful."
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"Carla's gonna have a pre-wedding panic attack."
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"What if she has her buddy Dr Cox there to tell her what a jackass I am?"
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"Then what?"
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"if you're sucking up to me or making a pass at me,"
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"Dr Cox, you got it all wrong, man."
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"I'm gonna go ahead and pass and here's why:"
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