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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Excelsior Acquisition (S03E03)

"...than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples."
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"...your Google calendars. Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday."
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"I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed."
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"Oh, I don't wanna know that."
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"I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month's Batman."
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"There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer."
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"Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?"
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"...on Marengo Avenue at 9:30 p.m. on November 16th."
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"I have an eidetic memory. That's a picture of you in the passenger seat..."
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"You don't need to reimburse me. I'm not paying."
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"On Thursday, I will have my day in court, and justice will be done."
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"Uh, Stan Lee or you in court."
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"I've taken the liberty of scripting your appearance on the witness stand."
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"...to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever.""
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"And may I add, it is a privilege to know you.""
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"Very well. A quick opening statement."
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"...of quod est necessarium est licitum, that which is necessary is legal."
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"- Impressive. - Thank you."
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"...while you preside over the kiddie table of yours."
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"Oh, come on. Why would you do that?"
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"- For what? - What do you think?"
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"Mine says, "To Raj. From Stan Lee.""
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"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have his phone number."
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"I have his address."
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"- ...and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. - Yep."
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"Oh, no, no. I said I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house."
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"Will you please turn your shirt off?"
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"What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music."
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"People will know I'm awesome and to be feared."
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"Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening..."
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"- Hey, Stuart. What's going on? - Well, you might wanna mark..."
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"Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?"
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"No, just a regular comic signing."
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"My uncle is his dermatologist, and Stan's doing him a favor."
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"How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations..."
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"...for interstellar flight on a surfboard when part of my brain..."
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"...will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?"
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"Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease."
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"Can't believe it. We're gonna meet Stan Lee."
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"I'm so excited And I just can't hide it"
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"I'm about to lose control And I think I like it"
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"I'm sad to say I taught him those moves."
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"I can't decide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph..."
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"...my Journey Into Mystery 83, first appearance of Thor..."
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"...or my Fantastic FourNumber 5, first appearance of Dr. Doom."
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"Alex, I'm gonna go with: "What is you're a dumb-ass?""
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"That's crazy. Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman."
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"Which is why no one else will ask him to sign one."
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"I'll be the possessor of a unique, albeit confusing artifact..."
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"...which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic-book fandom."
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"That's a great idea. I'm gonna get him to sign a Batman as well."
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"What is it about the word "unique" you don't understand?"
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"Ow! Damn. Paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut."
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"Well, obviously, you don't remember your circumcision."
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"He does. And in the kitchen, and in the car, and in his pocket."
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"Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine."
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"- Hi. - Hey."
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"Guess who's gonna be at the comic store on Thursday."
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"- Um, can you give me a hint? - Stan Lee."
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"Um, Stanley. Stanley. Stanley Tucci?"
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"No, ha, ha. No. Stan Lee."
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"Oh. Oh, Stan Lee. Cool."
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"You have no idea who he is, do you?"
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"Of course I do. You're an important part of my life..."
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"...and I pay attention to the things you are interested in."
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"- Good. Good. - Heh, heh."
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"So who's Stan Lee?"
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"Um, he was on Star Trek."
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"- No. - Star Wars?"
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"No."
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"Um, Stan Lee. Oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much?"
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"That's Bruce Lee."
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"So is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother, Stan?"
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"Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?"
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"Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet."
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"There must be thousands of dollars here."
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"- Why don't you put it in the bank? - I don't trust banks."
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"I believe that when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge."
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"You've also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court."
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"Undoubtedly yet another snide response to my repeated letters..."
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"...complaining that the flags in front of the courthouse are in the wrong order."
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"It's supposed to be federal, state, and then city of Pasadena."
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"I'm sorry, you sent more than one letter about that?"
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"It bothers me."
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"- Sheldon, this is a summons. - A summons? For what?"
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"Looks like you ran a red light..."
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"They got you on a traffic camera. Nice picture."
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"November 16th? Penny, that's the evening you fell in your bathtub."
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"I had to drive you to the emergency room."
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"No, it isn't."
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"- Yes, it is. - No, it isn't."
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"...holding your dislocated shoulder."
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"Hmm. No, it isn't."
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"Okay, then why is a summons for a traffic violation..."
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"...committed in your car, bearing your license plates, coming to me?"
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"Okay, look, they sent me the ticket."
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"I told them I wasn't driving, and they were all, "Who was it?""
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"- So you betrayed me. - No."
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"It wasn't a betrayal."
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"It was more of a, I can't afford any more points on my license."
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"I already have to buy my insurance from this place in the Cayman Islands."
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"But the only reason I was driving your car..."
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"...was because you were in distress, and I was rescuing you."
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"Yes. And look, now you have a photo to remember that heroic day."
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"It's not that big a deal."
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"You just go down to the court on Thursday, and you pay the fine."
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"I'm not going to pay a fine. That would imply I'm guilty."
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"You are guilty."
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"- That one I liked. - Yeah."
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"I am not guilty. I only have a learner's permit."
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"Penny was the teacher. When the light turned yellow..."
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"...she said, "Go, go, go," so I went, went, went."
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"Sheldon, I'm sorry. I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine."
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"You know, as soon as I get a part in a movie or my own TV series."
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"In fact, I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now."
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"Okay, he's going to jail."
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"Oh, that's right. Thursday's Stan Lee day."
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"Now you see what you've done?"
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"Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee."
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"Whoa!"
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