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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment (S02E02)

"Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her regards."
The Simpsons
""Thou shalt not steal.""
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"They sent this man to install it. You know what he did?"
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"-What do you want? -I want free cable!"
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""Myth: Cable piracy is wrong."
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"Fact: Cable companies are faceless corporations which makes it okay.""
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"The clown that will last a lifetime."
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"Today's Christian doesn't think he needs God."
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"So there's a downside to the afterlife."
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"-What did you children learn about? -Hell."
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"There's no confusion. Just good science."
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"Watson-Tatum Two. This time it's for money!"
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"Why don't you pay for the fight yourself?"
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"You're watching Top Hat Entertainment. Adult programming all day, every day."
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"Oil service stocks slumped...."
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"Maybe we should think about unhooking the cable."
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"-Get out! Criminal! -I'll go see a neighbor."
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"Hello! I brought an assortment of jerkies."
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"I want to tell you that I'm not watching this fight."
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"Number two: I'm not very fond of any of you."
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"We're really proud of you."
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"Back then, if it was less than 50 rounds, we demanded our nickel back!"
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"-Cable clippers. -Here you go."
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"-Go for it, Dad. -I beg you to reconsider."
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"-"
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"Homer vs. Lisa vs. The 8th Commandment"
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"-Evening, Carver of Graven Images. -Homer the Thief. How's business?"
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"Been a little slow. Not much to steal in the desert."
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"Do not worry. We'll be wandering out here another two weeks, tops."
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"-Yes, she's a good woman. Very good. -Thank you, my lusty friend."
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"-Moses is back. -Quick! Everybody, look busy."
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"The Lord has handed down to us 10 commandments by which to live."
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"I will read them in no particular order."
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"-"Thou shalt not make graven images." -Oh, my God!"
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"-"Thou shalt not commit adultery." -Well, looks like the party's over."
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"Hey, Moses. Keep them coming!"
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"Sorry, Homer."
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"That's the most dishonest thing I've ever heard! I should box your ears!"
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"-You sneaky Pete! -Easy, tiger."
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"You, easy. Get off my property!"
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"Flanders, who put that bug up your butt?"
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"I wanted to subscribe to the arts and crafts channel."
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"He offered to hook me up illegally to every channel for $50."
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"Boy, what's this world coming to?"
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"-That's exactly-- -Gotta go."
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"Hey, stop, cable man! Stop!"
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"This is okay. Everybody does it, right?"
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"What? If you're having second thoughts, read this."
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""So You've Decided to Steal Cable.""
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"Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope!"
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"Don't you hate it when you go to the toilet..."
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"...and there's no toilet paper?"
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"It's funny because it's true!"
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"Oh, hey! Family! Family, come here."
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"I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable!"
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"Right. 68 channels. MTV for the kids."
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"VH1 for us. 1600 hours of quality programming every day."
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"We've talked about cable before. You think we can afford it?"
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"Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can swing that."
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"Is this legal?"
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"Don't worry. Look at this."
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""Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality first-run movies."
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"Fact: Most movies on cable get two stars or less..."
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"...and are repeated ad nauseam.""
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"-I don't know. -Marge."
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"We'll teach you to lower your bill by making your own Band-Aids."
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"Oh, that's a good idea."
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"Before we begin, you'll need 5 yards of sterilized cotton."
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"Pro wrestling from Mexico. Down there, it's a real sport."
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"This is where Jaws eats the boat."
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"Here, Die Hard jumps through the window."
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"This is where Wall Street gets arrested."
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"If I could call your attention to the Subsidy Appropriations..."
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"...Override Bill. I refer you to page 4500--"
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"They think people watch that."
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"Live, from New Orleans. This is the World Series of Cockfighting!"
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"Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou tonight."
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"We'd get there quicker if I drove my dad's car."
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"-Aren't you ready for church, Homer? -Huh? What? Okay."
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"He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube."
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"And his instant pizza pie."
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"Oh, pizza."
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"Children, I don't want you to get frightened but I must teach you this."
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"Today's topic will be hell."
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"I sat through mercy and forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff."
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"Hell is terrible! Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket."
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"There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented."
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"If you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened you would die."
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"-Miss Albright? -Yes."
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"-Yes. -Are there pirates in hell?"
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"-Thousands of them. -Oh, baby!"
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"How does one steer clear of this?"
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"By obeying the 10 Commandments."
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"Ten simple rules that are easy to live by."
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"I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell..."
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"-...unless I say "hell." -He has a point."
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"Hell, yes!"
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"Hell, hell, hell, hell...."
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"Bart! You're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear."
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"Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay-TV?"
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"-Are you sure this isn't stealing? -Read the pamphlet."
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"Hello, I'm Troy McClure."
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"You may remember me from Cry Yuma and Here Comes the Coast Guard!"
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"I'd like to talk about a candy that cleans and straightens your teeth!"
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"A program-length advertisement!"
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"Wait a minute. I'm confused. Did you say "cleans and straightens"?"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera."
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"-Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody! -Hi, Dr. Riviera!"
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"Now, could I have a volunteer? Somebody with crooked, yellow teeth."
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"Come on, Lisa. Watch a little cable with us."
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"-What's gotten into Lisa? -Beats the hell out of me!"
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"Thou shalt not.... Covet..."
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"...graven images. Something about covet."
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"Thou shalt not steal!"
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"Anything else?"
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"Yes. I ate two grapes. Please charge me for them."
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"Two grapes? Who cares?"
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"-Just charge me something, please. -Okay."
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"I need a price check on two grapes. You heard me, Phil."
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"Two measly, stinking grapes."
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