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Clips from Arrested Development - Exit Strategy (S03E03)

"No, you're not. Dad is up on treason charges for building homes in Iraq."
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"I dress up like Jesus, walk on water, which you've seen."
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"Then I've just emptied out all your wine bottles..."
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"and filled them with fake stuff for nothing."
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"Great. How am I supposed to have sex with my husband now?"
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"You're just jealous that I am the son..."
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"that the father has asked to do his work in the Holy Land."
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"- So Dad is behind this. - And he won't bump me up to business class."
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"Later that day, Tobias met with the prosecutor, Wayne Jarvis."
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"...a flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties."
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"This is not an audition for a CBS show."
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"Now, we think we can offer you a good deal..."
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"if you provide evidence that puts George Bluth behind bars."
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"I'll tell you what else is contrived... the odds I would turn on my family..."
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"but who wouldn't know good acting if it marched through that door..."
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"and gave them head shots and decorative soaps."
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"he noticed an interesting flyer promising the perfect gift..."
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"for the daughter who didn't feel part of the family."
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"- He took the bait. - He's a classic scrapbooker."
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"Right down to the woman's suit."
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"For the millionth time, I was a patsy."
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"I gotta find a loophole to get out of this..."
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"but Buster took coma and your mother took rehab."
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"Hey. You goin' to rehab again?"
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"I'm bringing Lindsay. I'm worried about her."
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"Did you get the corkscrew?"
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"I see there's gonna be wine at the rehab, huh?"
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"Wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit."
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"How do you come up with these?"
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"I'll meet with the prosecutor, ask for a postponement."
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"But I'm gonna have to go on the record about why you two aren't there."
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"If you make a liar out of me, we're gonna be in big trouble."
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"- This constant bickering is gonna put me in a coma. - Nice try, Dad."
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"Buster was finding his fake coma hard to sustain."
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"It takes a lot of courage to endure what they put you through..."
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"especially since your mother saw that Web site."
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"a live body to learn on..."
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"That's okay. Try again. No. That's a tendon."
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"He'd also served as a human canvas for aspiring beauticians."
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"That's okay. You put too much collagen in there. No, no. Try it again."
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"That's okay, Turf. No. Try again."
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"You've got your forearm on this windpipe, Dog Bone."
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"- It really was amazing for their self-esteem. - I did it."
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"But he endured it all for Adelaide."
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"What I would give to hear you say you love me too..."
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"Speak to me. Say anything, my love."
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"Anything?"
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"I wasn't faking my love for you. I didn't want to testify at my dad's trial."
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"- Well, you're a coward. - No!"
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"Adelaide, how could you let this happen again?"
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"I wish you'd come to, or don't you care about me?"
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"- Of course I care about you. - You faker!"
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"How could I let this happen to me again?"
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"Take a single step to show me your love, Gary."
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"It was love that made Gary take that step."
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"Who ever said vegetables were good for your heart?"
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"No, no. No, please."
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"I apologize for the rest of my family not being here."
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"They wanted to testify, but they all have perfectly legal excuses."
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"Michael, your mother and your sister are not in a rehab center."
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"- Where are they really? - We don't know."
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"But we do know the two people who checked into Shady Pines..."
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"Also, for someone in a coma..."
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"your brother Buster has made an impressive 15 phone calls to radio stations..."
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"- Don't tell me he's not in Iraq? - No, he's there."
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"In fact, Michael, he's on the news... right now."
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"Are bees better at sniffing out drugs than dogs?"
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"I'm sure it's coming right up. They've been playing it all day."
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"And they deliver insulin right to my door."
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"I'm sure it's right after this series of ads."
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"It's, like, every time you turn on the TV, it's there."
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"- Why don't we just go online? - Cool your Japanese jets."
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"- An insurgent in Iraq from Orange County, California? - It's on."
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"Why he's being held in jail and why he won't be coming home anytime soon."
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"Michael had been called to sign his brother out of the hospital."
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"You can stop pretending to be in a coma. We heard your requests on the way over."
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"I'm not faking it, Michael. I really am this expressionless."
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"My love thinks I'm a coward..."
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"That does say coward. We've got bigger problems."
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"- Gob is locked in a prison in Iraq. - What?"
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"- So he's actually in an Iraqi prison? - No. It's US run."
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"Mom and Lindsay are pretending to be in rehab."
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"I can't get ahold of Dad, and I have to fly to Iraq myself to get Gob."
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"I was trained by army. I speak the language."
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"You speak Arabic?"
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"- What's that mean? - I was just clearing my throat."
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"But I think it actually does mean "laundry.""
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"But this is exactly what I need to prove to my love..."
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"that I am a hero, not a coward."
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"I have my uniform here. Mother brought it for the photo shoot."
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"Would you be back in time for Maeby's surprise party?"
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"Probably not. We'll do something when I get back."
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"Why don't you drive the stair car home. Buster and I will leave from here."
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"- Be careful. - Hey. Who's tougher than us?"
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"Close one."
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"The depositions had been delayed..."
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"but the prosecution was about to get a Lord & Taylor bag full of evidence."
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"We supply the glitter, the glue, the crepe paper..."
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"and the ready-made template pages for you to decorate and fill out with..."
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"My Favorite Birthday, Foreign Bank Statements..."
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"and, of course... shh... Family Secrets."
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"The scrapbooking sting had helped the DA gather evidence..."
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"against people as diverse as Ken Lay..."
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"Oliver North..."
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"So dig up whatever you can, and remember..."
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"Sir, I'm gonna have to go to our old family storage unit in Reseda."
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"No problem. We can arrange for a helicopter to take you there right now."
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"Meanwhile, Lindsay and Lucille were at a spa in the desert..."
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"avoiding both rehab and their depositions."
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"Four saunas, three steam baths, Olympic-sized pool..."
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"and you're telling me there's no alcohol?"
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"What the hell are we supposed to do for two days?"
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"- Oh, for God's sake, Lindsay! Grow up! You're 40 years old. - Thirty-five."
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"Well, maybe this will be nice. Hmm?"
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"We can talk and... connect a little."
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"- I must have a Xanax. - I'll go score some weed from the staff."
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"And Michael and Buster checked out of the hospital."
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"You're gonna be sitting on a plane for 18 hours to Iraq."
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"Yeah, I should definitely get one for the airport."
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"You're going to Iraq?"
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