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Clips from Fleabag - Episode #1.3 (S01E01)

"Means you're getting Mum's bum."
Fleabag
"So, it's a 7 pm arrival tonight for a 7.30 surprise, OK?"
Fleabag
"I don't know yet."
Fleabag
"God, I can't wait to be old."
Fleabag
"but she got all of Mum's good bits."
Fleabag
"He says he's still got that thing on his..."
Fleabag
"On his..."
Fleabag
"Come on, you can do it."
Fleabag
"and don't sing Happy Birthday, I couldn't bear it."
Fleabag
"I'm actually looking forward to it."
Fleabag
"I thought that maybe"
Fleabag
"...birthday party."
Fleabag
"I am meant to get her the perfect present."
Fleabag
"- I am not drunk. - Always drunk."
Fleabag
"Smack me in the face."
Fleabag
"Good."
Fleabag
"I mean, the man's got a problem."
Fleabag
"He's one of those men who is explosively sexually inappropriate"
Fleabag
"because he was just being fun."
Fleabag
"I mean, this place is ridiculous."
Fleabag
"Does anyone ever come here?"
Fleabag
"No, not that one."
Fleabag
"- Hold her. - No."
Fleabag
"There we go."
Fleabag
"I'm an innocent man."
Fleabag
"I bought her a necklace with her name on it,"
Fleabag
"No, no, it's got to be good, all right. Help me!"
Fleabag
"How much?"
Fleabag
"Yeah!"
Fleabag
"I don't know who she is."
Fleabag
"What about...?"
Fleabag
"No!"
Fleabag
"I don't know."
Fleabag
"I want to be that person."
Fleabag
"I have been that person."
Fleabag
"Ha."
Fleabag
"What about these?"
Fleabag
"Get her something she'd never get herself."
Fleabag
"Surprise her."
Fleabag
"No, she'll think you see her as this person,"
Fleabag
"I don't know, I..."
Fleabag
"Aren't these for children?"
Fleabag
"OK."
Fleabag
"I'm getting mixed race."
Fleabag
"Jesus."
Fleabag
"Whoa. Easy, tiger."
Fleabag
"Coming from you?"
Fleabag
"I've never really said how sorry I was."
Fleabag
"You should get the trainers."
Fleabag
"Are you having an affair?"
Fleabag
"A little marital poke isn't going to kill you."
Fleabag
"You should probably get yourself out there, sweetie."
Fleabag
"Another drink?"
Fleabag
"Bingo."
Fleabag
"And sorry I'm late."
Fleabag
"- It's really nice to see... - No, no, I'm such a tool box."
Fleabag
"Sorry, I won't be long."
Fleabag
"For you?"
Fleabag
"Hello."
Fleabag
"I've already got one."
Fleabag
"How divine. What a lovely husband you have."
Fleabag
"Where is he then?"
Fleabag
"Hildegard, can I just grab you for a second?"
Fleabag
"Excuse me. Can't resist."
Fleabag
"Lovely Harry."
Fleabag
"He did."
Fleabag
"May I cut in?"
Fleabag
"Do you want some normal food?"
Fleabag
"Yes, yes, we've already met."
Fleabag
"OK."
Fleabag
"This is really..."
Fleabag
"I told you I'd find you a buyer."
Fleabag
"Just don't tell her you got the statue from me, OK?"
Fleabag
"Finger up the ass, nipple tickle...?"
Fleabag
"She's going to leave you one day."
Fleabag
"Hey."
Fleabag
"Why you leaving so early?"
Fleabag
"Good birthday business?"
Fleabag
"Awesome party, thank you so much. We had such a great night."
Fleabag
"I'm nearly finished. I'm nearly finished."
Fleabag
"I'm done. I'm done."
Fleabag
"- I'm done. - OK."
Fleabag
"Yeah. Are you done?"
Fleabag
"Yeah. Yeah."
Fleabag
"Amazing. That was amazing."
Fleabag
"- Yeah, yeah. - That was amazing. - Yeah."
Fleabag
"and not know when someone's pretending."
Fleabag
"What the fuck is that?! I'll kick it. - No, no."
Fleabag
"I'll kick it."
Fleabag
"- That is a rat. - It's a guinea pig."
Fleabag
"Jogging."
Fleabag
"I did a fart the other day that was exactly like Mum's."
Fleabag
"Door opening."
Fleabag
"My farts used to be like, Pah!"
Fleabag
"Now they're just sort of fighting their way out."
Fleabag
"I haven't farted in about three years."
Fleabag
"Happy birthday."
Fleabag
"- She won't eat it. - Thanks."
Fleabag
"It's really a business birthday thing."
Fleabag
"It won't be much fun, so just don't expect a party party."
Fleabag
"I won't."
Fleabag
"And maybe..."
Fleabag
"just wear trousers."
Fleabag
"And don't drink too much."
Fleabag
"There's this huge promotion in Finland,"
Fleabag
"so this party is quite a serious..."
Fleabag
"I mean, it's basically a business meeting."
Fleabag
"Sounds like a blast."
Fleabag
"Can I bring a date?"
Fleabag
"- Harry? - No."
Fleabag
"Flaunting your life."
Fleabag
"If it's any consolation, you look older than you are."
Fleabag
"- Hello, Claire speaking. - Mum died three years ago."
Fleabag
"It was particularly hard, cos she had amazing boobs."
Fleabag
"What's Martin given you?"
Fleabag
"A cursory stroke would be nice."
Fleabag
"- I don't have to say... - Yes, you do. - No, not here."
Fleabag
"Come on, little one. Come on, please. - No."
Fleabag
"- Penis. - Thank you."
Fleabag
"Christ, look at that man."
Fleabag
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