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Clips from Cheers - The Tortelli Tort (S01E01)

Alright, everybody, just act natural.

"Alright, everybody, just act natural."

Cheers

Holy... !

"Holy... !"

Cheers

The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you an automobile.

"The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you an automobile."

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My mother told me to watch out for guys in bars.

"My mother told me to watch out for guys in bars."

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Will you guys just sit down for a minute, please?

"Will you guys just sit down for a minute, please?"

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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In a way, I was complimenting you. You can do better.

"In a way, I was complimenting you. You can do better."

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and nobody's gonna change my mind.

"and nobody's gonna change my mind."

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So if you'll excuse me, that very special somebody is waiting for me.

"So if you'll excuse me, that very special somebody is waiting for me."

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- Coach? - Yeah?

"- Coach? - Yeah?"

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- Where's Brandee? - She just left with some guy.

"- Where's Brandee? - She just left with some guy."

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How about a couple of beers for the boys in the poolroom?

"How about a couple of beers for the boys in the poolroom?"

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Here you go. No, it's a guy.

"Here you go. No, it's a guy."

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Coach, any word from Gus yet?

"Coach, any word from Gus yet?"

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I'm taking you on. You and all your problems.

"I'm taking you on. You and all your problems."

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- Come on, give him a chance. - He's ready for you.

"- Come on, give him a chance. - He's ready for you."

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- Rick. - Rick. So, you say...

"- Rick. - Rick. So, you say..."

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Rick and Ron?

"Rick and Ron?"

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- I see what you're saying. - You do? What?

"- I see what you're saying. - You do? What?"

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When you put it that way, what choice do I have?

"When you put it that way, what choice do I have?"

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Leo, even Gus isn't Gus any more.

"Leo, even Gus isn't Gus any more."

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- I can't stay long. - One drink.

"- I can't stay long. - One drink."

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Yeah. I said, "It's hard to believe that all that music

"Yeah. I said, "It's hard to believe that all that music"

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Where else could it come out of?

"Where else could it come out of?"

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I have got to be going somewhere.

"I have got to be going somewhere."

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I didn't say we came straight from the concert.

"I didn't say we came straight from the concert."

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Come on.

"Come on."

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Tomorrow, I'm going out with a girl who wears a pinwheel hat.

"Tomorrow, I'm going out with a girl who wears a pinwheel hat."

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OK, I'm all cheered up now. You can leave. Thanks.

"OK, I'm all cheered up now. You can leave. Thanks."

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This week, I have gone out with all the women I know.

"This week, I have gone out with all the women I know."

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- Because of me? - Yeah. You're a snob.

"- Because of me? - Yeah. You're a snob."

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Black Label over, Bloody Mary, a shot of vodka.

"Black Label over, Bloody Mary, a shot of vodka."

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Look, I am sorry. I said a lot of stupid things.

"Look, I am sorry. I said a lot of stupid things."

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I shouldn't have. I apologise. I was kind of upset.

"I shouldn't have. I apologise. I was kind of upset."

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I guess I've never looked into your eyes.

"I guess I've never looked into your eyes."

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I usually don't notice things like that,

"I usually don't notice things like that,"

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that I hadn't seen it,

"that I hadn't seen it,"

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Now I see I was wrong.

"Now I see I was wrong."

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Norm, is that the one?

"Norm, is that the one?"

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There are certain things in this life that I really like,

"There are certain things in this life that I really like,"

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- Come on, sit down. - I don't know.

"- Come on, sit down. - I don't know."

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- Hi. - Hi.

"- Hi. - Hi."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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Sam, I didn't mean anything by that. I laughed. Life is funny.

"Sam, I didn't mean anything by that. I laughed. Life is funny."

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Beer. With two Es.

"Beer. With two Es."

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I sensed something very special going on there.

"I sensed something very special going on there."

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OK.

"OK."

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Debra's idea.

"Debra's idea."

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Built for cheap laughs, wild times and easy sex.

"Built for cheap laughs, wild times and easy sex."

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Throw your problems on the bar.

"Throw your problems on the bar."

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Will you excuse me?

"Will you excuse me?"

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- Gus who? - He hates that question.

"- Gus who? - He hates that question."

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Well, thank you very much.

"Well, thank you very much."

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- White wine. - Here, allow me. I got it.

"- White wine. - Here, allow me. I got it."

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They had Sammy in mind when they built her.

"They had Sammy in mind when they built her."

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Does anybody know any good movies?

"Does anybody know any good movies?"

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Diane, can I talk to you in the poolroom?

"Diane, can I talk to you in the poolroom?"

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Those are our drinks.

"Those are our drinks."

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Look at those legs!

"Look at those legs!"

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- Hi. - Hi.

"- Hi. - Hi."

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A really intelligent woman would see your line of BS a mile away.

"A really intelligent woman would see your line of BS a mile away."

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Better give me a tall one in case I like it.

"Better give me a tall one in case I like it."

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He's my favourite.

"He's my favourite."

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Brandee. With two Es.

"Brandee. With two Es."

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Sit!

"Sit!"

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He's overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy

"He's overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy"

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with an ostentatious display of hormonal activity.

"with an ostentatious display of hormonal activity."

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But tell me, once you've consumed as much sex

"But tell me, once you've consumed as much sex"

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"Give me a cigarette"?

""Give me a cigarette"?"

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- Sam? - Go away. I'm reading Plato.

"- Sam? - Go away. I'm reading Plato."

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Wait a minute.

"Wait a minute."

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- And I would rather be a snob. - Well, good, because you are.

"- And I would rather be a snob. - Well, good, because you are."

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Well, I've never met an intelligent woman that I'd want to date.

"Well, I've never met an intelligent woman that I'd want to date."

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last person off the slope as the sun had just gone down.

"last person off the slope as the sun had just gone down."

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Thanks. Thank you, really. Thanks so much.

"Thanks. Thank you, really. Thanks so much."

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Good idea. Give me a Scotch. I'll be right back.

"Good idea. Give me a Scotch. I'll be right back."

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A big company like this, they spelled it wrong.

"A big company like this, they spelled it wrong."

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If I see one sign that you're enjoying this, you're in trouble.

"If I see one sign that you're enjoying this, you're in trouble."

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and tell him you never want to see him again.

"and tell him you never want to see him again."

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Suck it up, Coachie. Hang tough in there.

"Suck it up, Coachie. Hang tough in there."

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Alright, Coach.

"Alright, Coach."

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You got him. You really took him.

"You got him. You really took him."

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Sometimes called the Jupiter Symphony.

"Sometimes called the Jupiter Symphony."

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Well then, Mozart must have been 37 years old when he died.

"Well then, Mozart must have been 37 years old when he died."

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This man knows his animal kingdom.

"This man knows his animal kingdom."

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It's about time this old cowpoke moseyed off to the bathroom.

"It's about time this old cowpoke moseyed off to the bathroom."

Cheers