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Clips from Married with Children - Requiem for a Dead Barber (S03E03)

"Pretty cool, Dad."
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"It gives you"
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"that "no closet can hold me" look."
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"Now, leave Dad alone."
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"You're still going to wear men's clothing, aren't you?"
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"Oh, honey, we're just teasing."
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"You look fantastic."
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"Doesn't he, kids?"
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"Great."
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"Yummy."
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"See? It's unanimous."
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"By the way,"
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"your nose hairs look somehow longer."
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"They moussed them..."
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"But they wouldn't cut them."
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"The important thing is,"
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"I, uh...I feel cool."
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"Good night."
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"Some, uh..."
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"Some sex tonight, Peg?"
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"No, thanks."
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"Hi, guys."
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"Sorry I'm late,"
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"but I had a rinse, mousse, and protein pack."
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"Watch that cigar, man."
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"You're gonna get smoke in my hair..."
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"And Mr. Freddy says it's hell on my conditioner, man."
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"It ruins the integrity of the cut."
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"[BELCHES]"
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"Yeah, we're studs."
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"So, what are we gonna do tonight,"
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"put on our baby dolls, drink a few beers,"
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"How about shooting some pool?"
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"Bowling?"
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"No, we'd get beat up."
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"Well, what can we do"
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"that won't put any stress on our hair?"
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"We could go see La Cage aux Folles."
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"It's really a fine play."
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"You're a plumber, Louie."
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"I was never really comfortable as a plumber."
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"[CLEARS THROAT]"
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"Louie, excuse us a second."
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"Look, it's all over for Louie,"
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"and, Russ, you're slipping..."
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"But we got a chance."
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"Here's what we got to do--"
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"We go out and find a fire hydrant."
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"We turn that sucker on."
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"We stick our heads in the hole and wash the gay away."
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"You mean go outside without nets?"
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"I think we better hurry,"
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"and afterwards, no matter how long it takes,"
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"we find a barber, a real barber."
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"Louie, come on."
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"I want beer."
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"I want a woman."
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"I'm not dressed for dancing."
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"Well, kids, your daddy's worthless again."
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"because of the high suicide rate."
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"So, in other words,"
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"dead or alive, we still starve."
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"Then, why do we keep him?"
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"and Buck seems to like him."
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"Where is Dad?"
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"Oh, he and the rest of the think tank"
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"are out searching for a barber."
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"Mom, you can be square with me."
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"but me, I was just some one-night stand"
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"with a cool guy, right?"
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"I heard that."
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"I'm not Dad's, either."
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"Are too."
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"Am not."
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"Are too. Am not."
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"Kids, stop that!"
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"You're both Daddy's kids."
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"Peg, I did it!"
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"I found a barber..."
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"But not just any barber."
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"I found Tony's dad in Cicero."
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"He's 97 and half-blind,"
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"but he taught Tony everything he knows."
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"He even trimmed my nose hairs. Look."
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"Look."
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"Now, that's old-world craftsmanship right there."
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"Now, I know you think I'm crazy,"
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"but there's nothing like going to a real barber."
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"Even though his hand shakes a little."
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"[***]"
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"Honey, you're making a big thing over nothing."
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"late at night while he's sleeping,"
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"that not only will insure you over the phone,"
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"Well, the urine would be easy."
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"but first I'm find a barber,"
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"They go into therapy and talk it out..."
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"Salons!"
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"That's a nice place you got there."
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"Al Bundy."
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"I think I smell him coming."
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"I want a steak."
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"Without him, we'd have to get jobs..."
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"My father went to him."
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"Then I'm not going."
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"They refused to cover him"
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"will ruin the highlights in my hair."
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"No, no, the severity of the neon"
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"Steve cares enough to get insurance."
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"but I still care how I look."
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"Oh, easy, Al."
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"who makes nothing."
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""Let's not let the barber disappear.""
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"now that Tony's worm food,"
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"and then he'll compliment me"
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"The insurance company found out he was a shoe salesman."
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