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Clips from The Simpsons - The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star (S16E16)

"This Friday, we'll be holding a school-wide Medieval Festival."
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"What kind of a knight is that?"
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"the same French fries the teachers do."
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"Now, allow me to apply this rubber cement to your face"
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"What drunken call girl will have me now?"
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"It's the back seat of my Merkur."
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"Quiet, my pretties."
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"Nice party, dink."
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"Unlike all the other stuff I told you I didn't do, which I did."
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"Bart, I'm sick of playing the tomfool."
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"I didn't do it!"
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"North Korea?"
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"They're all so expensive."
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"If we want to throw good money after bad,"
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"Get 'em from the smoke detector."
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"Catholic school?"
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"There, you don't just get bad grades-- you go to hell!"
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"Hi. I'm Bart Simpson."
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"In the old days we'd use a ruler to deal with incorrigibles like you."
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"I'll show you."
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"I don't know what they taught you in public school,"
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"but at St. Jerome's we don't tolerate back sass!"
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"Stupid Catholic school."
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"I'm the real Jesus here!"
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"What's it to you, Irish?"
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"Sean, you wanker..."
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"Human eyes?"
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"Cool!"
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"He's all yours."
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"Now class, open your math books to the word problems of our Lord."
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"St. Sebastian was a pious Roman soldier."
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"For preaching Christianity to the Romans,"
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"I wish I'd gone to more orgies!"
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"and mine was the grossest!"
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"it's like Simon Says without a winner!"
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"no birth control, no meat on Friday..."
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"The language of Plutarch."
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"Mickey Mouse's dog?"
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"He chronicled the lives of the Roman emperors."
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"Now I forgot who won Bud Bowl VIII."
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"I'm Bart Simpson's father and I'm sick of you"
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"Care to join us?"
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"Que buenos cake-os de pan-o!"
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"Bingo."
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"That's my favorite game."
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"I just can't remember what to yell out when you win."
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"is it true you priest guys can't ever..."
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"I wiped a booger on your shirt,"
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"I masturbated eight billion times and I have no plans to stop"
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"Do I whale on some Unitarians?"
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"Homer, you've been out all night!"
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"And you know, I went to a Catholic wedding once."
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"I heard her son is Catholic now."
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"Her husband, too."
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"Well, Homer and Bart are..."
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"Under the weather?"
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"Or under the spell of a man"
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"Reverend, what should I do?"
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"since the Schism of Lourdes in 1573."
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"But where is Homer and Bart?"
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"Guys, I'm serious!"
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"No...!"
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"Don't worry, Marge."
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"Excuse me."
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"That better be decaf."
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"Who said that?!"
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"Transubstantiation!"
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"First Communion?!"
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"We've gotta stop 'em now!"
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"Once they seal the deal, there's no turning back."
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"Just like the Jews with their snippity-snip."
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"Bart, get your things."
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"Sorry, Mom, but this is a Catholic church."
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"I think we've lost them."
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"Then why did I drive through that barn?"
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"don't have a cow, man"
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"Once you go Vatican, you can't go back again."
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"It wasn't a fair fight!"
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"Face it, Marge, Catholics rule."
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"Strange as it sounds, Dad, I agree with you."
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"We can't lose Bart now that we're so close."
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"Put 'er there."
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"of understanding and peace"
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"Good news, children."
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"Like Lord of the Rings?"
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"No, not at all."
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"Can't we just keep going forward in our textbooks?"
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"Martin, you shall be our king."
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"I shall pattern my reign on Enguerrand VII, Sire de Coucy!"
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"Tralloo Trallay!"
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"Not so fast, Nelson."
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"You're one of King Martin's guards."
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"You'll pay for this...!"
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"...my liege."
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"What am I gonna be?"
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"Court ninja?"
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"Bart the Impaler?"
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"Bart, you'll be playing the village cooper."
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"Well, this stinks."
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"But I bet Lisa got something even stupider."
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"Now as queen, you shall be entitled to eat"
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"The ones made from potatoes?"
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"My coat of arms is a Spider-Man couchant on a field vert."
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"What's "couchant" mean?"
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"Lying down."
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"You mean like you?"
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"Now, what's "vert" mean?"
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"Say it means punching."
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"My face!"
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"Now, peasants, since the Middle Ages had no compact discs or Super Mario Men,"
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"people found entertainment in abusing the village idiot."
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"So, let history come alive!"
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"Wait!"
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"That was a stapler!"
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"Dragon in the dungeon Maiden in my lair"
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"There's potions in my wizard's pot"
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"Now drink it if you dare."
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"Lute solo!"
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"Cooper! More pink lemon-ale!"
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"Cooper! Thy staves are not flush!"
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