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Clips from Batman - Zelda the Great (S01E01)

"Meantime, let's ponder the crook's motive."
Batman
"A hundred thousand smackers. That's the motive."
Batman
"But why?"
Batman
"Why exactly one hundred thousand dollars?"
Batman
"Leaving another half million untouched."
Batman
"Batman's right. That has some meaning."
Batman
"The same strange pattern every year."
Batman
"Precisely a hundred thousand each April 1st."
Batman
"Glory be, I've got it."
Batman
"It's to pay his income taxes."
Batman
"A loyal taxpayer stooping to criminal methods?"
Batman
"Uh, sure, when you put it that way."
Batman
"I fear you're growing cynical, Chief O'Hara."
Batman
"The notion of a faithful taxpayer"
Batman
"robbing a bank is absurd."
Batman
"It's this case that's driving me mad."
Batman
"'We're up against a blank wall.'"
Batman
"Not even a single lead."
Batman
"Right, Robin. So what do we do in such a case?"
Batman
"- We make a lead. - 'Exactly.'"
Batman
""Make a lead?""
Batman
"In heaven's name, Boy Wonder, how?"
Batman
"Don't worry. Batman will figure it out. Won't you, Batman?"
Batman
"[dramatic music]"
Batman
"Operator, this is Batman speaking."
Batman
"Get me the editor of the Gotham City Times."
Batman
"I have a scheme to throw our enemies into confusion."
Batman
"I'm going to plant a story."
Batman
"[dramatic music]"
Batman
"Extra, extra. Get your newspaper here."
Batman
"Read about the bandit who stole the counterfeit money."
Batman
"Yes, that's what he did. Counterfeit money."
Batman
"Friend, what was counterfeit money"
Batman
"doing in the vault of the First National Bank?"
Batman
"If you wanna know, buy a paper."
Batman
"I ain't no special news service."
Batman
"I wonder what it was doing there?"
Batman
"Oh, "Awaiting at the bank for disposal.""
Batman
"Makes sense. Hey, paper here."
Batman
"Read about the bandit who stole the counterfeit money."
Batman
"Here. Read about it, right now."
Batman
"[instrumental music]"
Batman
"How are you doing with that bullet, Batman?"
Batman
"'Amazing. Come here and look.'"
Batman
"Any trace of what the crook was wearing?"
Batman
"Wow."
Batman
"Those are fiber patterns, alright."
Batman
"Notice from left to right. First, nylon coveralls."
Batman
"Next, what seems to be...orange wool."
Batman
"And silk."
Batman
"Unless I'm crazy, about ten layers"
Batman
"of different colored silks."
Batman
"Square on the button, Robin."
Batman
"This bullet passed through 13 layers"
Batman
"of brightly-colored silk."
Batman
"- Who'd wear a rig like that? - Let me show you a clue."
Batman
"[sighs]"
Batman
"Correct, the unmistakable"
Batman
"spectrographic pattern of ambergris."
Batman
"Ambergris?"
Batman
"You mean that smelly, oily stuff they use in making perfumes?"
Batman
"Correct again, which leads to only one possible conclusion."
Batman
"- The crook was a lady. - Hardly a lady, Robin."
Batman
"- But female, yes. - The Catwoman?"
Batman
"No, impossible. She's safely up the river."
Batman
"- Then who could she be? - I don't know."
Batman
"super-criminal not in our crime file."
Batman
"[beeping]"
Batman
"- Yes, Batman. - Here's a tip, commissioner."
Batman
"Alert the entire force."
Batman
"Be on the lookout for a woman in an orange dress."
Batman
"Good heavens, a woman."
Batman
"What is the world coming to?"
Batman
"We can't stop to worry about that now."
Batman
"Our task is to fight crime."
Batman
"Goodbye for now."
Batman
"The morning newspaper, sir. It just arrived."
Batman
"Ah, good. Thanks. I want to read this."
Batman
"My pleasure, sir."
Batman
"Uh, excuse me, sir."
Batman
"Would you and Master Robin be departing soon?"
Batman
"- Oh, indeed, we will. - Thank you, sir."
Batman
"Then I'll go and get the vacuum cleaner."
Batman
"Looks perfect, Batman."
Batman
"Yep, it's all there."
Batman
"Just the way I dictated it."
Batman
"I'll bet somewhere in Gotham City"
Batman
"there's one really shook lady crook."
Batman
"I hope so, Robin."
Batman
"Now to make this planted story sprout."
Batman
"Meanwhile, behind the facade"
Batman
"of this innocent-looking bookstore"
Batman
"there lurks the secret workshop"
Batman
"of a strange Albanian genius.."
Batman
"... Eivol Ekdal."
Batman
"[dramatic music]"
Batman
"[door opens]"
Batman
"Sorry to be late, Eivol."
Batman
"Counterfeit you bring me."
Batman
"To me, Eivol Ekdal, worthless counterfeit."
Batman
"Look."
Batman
"How could I know, Eivol?"
Batman
""How could I know, Eivol?""
Batman
""Zelda the Great."
Batman
"Even greater than Houdini.""
Batman
"Without the marvelous escape devices which I"
Batman
"Eivol Ekdal made for you each year"
Batman
"you would be nothing."
Batman
"Stop taunting me."
Batman
"I've always paid you well, haven't I?"
Batman
"I've even taken up a life of crime to pay your price."
Batman
"Poor Zelda."
Batman
"And I suppose, it offends"
Batman
"your lofty principles, huh?"
Batman
"But it does, Eivol."
Batman
"I hate robbing banks."
Batman
"And all I ever wanted to be was"
Batman
"a poor...but honest magician."
Batman
"Tsk, tsk, tsk."
Batman
"Aww."
Batman
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