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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Who Wants to Be a Godparent (S08E08)

"will have a hard time doing it."
How I Met Your Mother
"But I do know a guy who's very good at this sort of thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Professor Infosaurus!"
How I Met Your Mother
"[ High-pitched Voice] Hey there, squirt."
How I Met Your Mother
"Death is a difficult yet unfortunate certainty."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Good enough! - [Note Chimes]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Professor Infosaurus will be a big, big hit with children."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ Marshall ] Discipline."
How I Met Your Mother
"How would you handle Marvin taking another kids toy?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Barney. - [ Scoffs ] That's easy."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - I'm calling Child Services."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait for it."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'll return your $1,900 alligator-skin belt..."
How I Met Your Mother
"when you return that toy."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Until then, you can Wear this disgusting- - [ Gasps ]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- [ Crying ] - Hey."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ Sobbing ] I don't like it any more than you do."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, how would you discipline little Marvin?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I would be firm."
How I Met Your Mother
"You, sir, just lost your television privileges."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, you can watch TV, but nothing violent."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, it can be violent, but you have to do the dishes first."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, let's go get some ice cream! Come on!"
How I Met Your Mother
"But no sprinkles."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Robin. - Okay, sprinkles."
How I Met Your Mother
"Um, I would do What my dad did."
How I Met Your Mother
"Tough love."
How I Met Your Mother
"Of course, you're actually a boy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"so at least you won't have to shave all your hair off..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and burn your “girlie clothing” in an old oil drum..."
How I Met Your Mother
"While your father stands there and laughs at you through the flames."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, my God! - [Note Chimes]"
How I Met Your Mother
"because we love her, and shes in a safe space."
How I Met Your Mother
"Right, guys?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Robin matters! - Yay, totally."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh. Oh. Oh!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hmm."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're gonna love Amsterdam, little bro."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Both Sighing]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, Barneys out of this round."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, how would you handle the talk?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, Marvin would be a young adult..."
How I Met Your Mother
"so you wouldn't wanna talk down to him."
How I Met Your Mother
"But that doesn't mean you can't... get down with him."
How I Met Your Mother
"[High Voice, Rapping] ♪ When two adults wish to procreate ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ Male gametes or spermatozoa ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ Break it down ♪♪ [ Beatboxing ]"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry. Don't you need to actually have had sex in order to explain it?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Professor Infosaurus also has a rap about ignoring bullies."
How I Met Your Mother
"Robin, birds and bees?"
How I Met Your Mother
"If he's anything like his dad, he's a natural-born stud."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lily got a little braggy at a cucumber stand once, big guy. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, come on! - What? That's clearly pandering!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Spin... that... - [ All Shouting]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- eventually making it to the dreaded- - Lightning round."
How I Met Your Mother
"- First word. - [Tambourine Rattles]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Beam."
How I Met Your Mother
"which carries the stress of the ceiling..."
How I Met Your Mother
"versus the primary architectural load."
How I Met Your Mother
"- But that's my boy. - [ Toy Squeaking ]"
How I Met Your Mother
"That's my boy!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I know this hurts, little buddy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because time will heal a broken heart..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but not that bitch's window."
How I Met Your Mother
"Run!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, right. I've seen Barney throw."
How I Met Your Mother
"He's no Vinnie Pestano. Am I right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Beloved Indians middle reliever."
How I Met Your Mother
"Cleveland sports are still relevant."
How I Met Your Mother
"LeBron who? Right, guys?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, neither you nor Cleveland..."
How I Met Your Mother
"knows how to get over someone leaving them."
How I Met Your Mother
"Here's how you'd handle heartbreak."
How I Met Your Mother
"Cheer up, squirt. There are plenty of other Wonderful Women out there."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ Sobbing ] But I thought that she was the one!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I've known you for 16 years. I'm the obvious choice."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, come on. If Ted raises him..."
How I Met Your Mother
"the poor kids still gonna be a virgin when he's 13."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm the obvious choice."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, look, as the only one of us packin' a vag..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I've got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I am Barney Stimson. - Bow hunt?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- If there is any man in the world- - That is your problem!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Obviously, none of you knows What it really means to be a parent."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whoa."
How I Met Your Mother
"Obviously, neither of you know What it means to be a friend anymore."
How I Met Your Mother
"What are you talking about?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Think about it. This is the most we've seen you two in five months."
How I Met Your Mother
"You don't seem to care Whats going on in our lives unless it's an eight or higher."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, What do you expect? We have a baby now."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah. The days of closing down MacLaren's are over."
How I Met Your Mother
"Unless you wanna get up with us at 5:13 in the morning with a screaming baby."
How I Met Your Mother
"So that's it?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, we're sorry if-if we don't have time to sit around the bar..."
How I Met Your Mother
"listening to silly little dating problems."
How I Met Your Mother
"When you have a baby..."
How I Met Your Mother
"ifs not just the most important thing in your life."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's the only important thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"When are you guys gonna get that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I think we get it."
How I Met Your Mother
"[ Door Closes ]"
How I Met Your Mother
"I can't believe they just walked out."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah. Maybe ifs for the best."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney was starting to pull ahead."
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, how selfish can they be?"
How I Met Your Mother
"We're trying to raise a child here."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry if I don't have time to deal with Teds, um-"
How I Met Your Mother
"Or Barney's, um-"
How I Met Your Mother
"Huh."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know, we were about to name one of them Marvin's godparent..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and I can't tell you what's going on in any of their lives."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sighs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Do you think that maybe we've been a little crappy as friends lately?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Do you really know how to bow hunt?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Um, yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"At the British Columbia Military School for Boys, we called it “making lunch.”"
How I Met Your Mother
"We asked Mickey to watch Marvin..."
How I Met Your Mother
"so we could come down and talk."
How I Met Your Mother
"I know that we didn't get to finish the game..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but... we've reached a decision."
How I Met Your Mother
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