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Clips from New Girl - Bad in Bed (S01E01)

"- Sorry, that was weird. - No, no, no. It's okay."
New Girl
"Who's that girl? - It's Jess."
New Girl
"I'm gonna be searching for some syrups."
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"And, you know, Gina personally invited me..."
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"Hey, I gotta cram for this baby shower. Can I have it back?"
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"Wow."
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"- Be enchanted. - Just take your clothes off, Jess."
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"You're better at sex than me? - Yeah."
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"Sorry. That sounded like a guy from Entourage."
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"Baby wants his bottle, yeah!"
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"Party!"
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"All right."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Wait, wait. Are we really gonna do this?"
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"- Yes. Yes. - Okay."
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"Intercourse, intercourse"
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"Intercourse."
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"Intercourse."
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"- I have to go to the loo. - Okay."
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"Hey, tiger. You're having sex tonight."
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"Don't give me that look. Just do it."
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"- I'm sorry. - No."
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"You kidding? Don't worry about it."
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"It's fine."
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"I just haven't had sex with anyone but Spencer in six years..."
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"and I get so nervous."
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"It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview."
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"Don't worry about it. I'm good."
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"I'm more than good. It's okay."
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"You know what? Tomorrow night."
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"Let's just go out to dinner and then just nail each other."
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"Just pound each other."
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"V-bomb on the P-bomb."
New Girl
"I would have the P-bomb, right?"
New Girl
"Who's that girl?"
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"Who's that girl?"
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"Who's that girl?"
New Girl
"Yes, I'm confirming the appointment."
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"I made the damn appointment. That's what... Why wouldn't...?"
New Girl
"Yeah, okay. Appointment confirmed."
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"Thank you. Thank you very much."
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"Not a chance I'm going."
New Girl
"Can you not do this? Look at your hair. You look ridiculous."
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"- What am I supposed to talk about? - It's a haircut."
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"No, you're trapped."
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"You can't move. They're standing behind you..."
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"with their hands in your hair and they expect you to talk back."
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"Oh, yeah, it's your baby."
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"Cute."
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"Yeah, your baby's cute."
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"I tell you what, just come to my place."
New Girl
"No, I'm not going to a black barbershop."
New Girl
"I've seen the movies. I know how fast they talk."
New Girl
"I don't need to seem any less cool than I do."
New Girl
"- Want to go to my salon? - Hey."
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"- Hey. - So, um, heads up, Paul is coming tonight."
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"And, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree."
New Girl
"- I'm gonna be having sex with him. - All right."
New Girl
"- Why you telling us this? - I want to give you a heads up."
New Girl
"You nervous? You need tips?"
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"No, I'm not nervous. Just, you know, I can drive stick."
New Girl
"Okay, because it seems like you're freaking out a little bit."
New Girl
"With this whole activity."
New Girl
"- That's not stick, that's automatic. - That's not automatic."
New Girl
"Another bathroom break, Schmidt? You know, I've been timing you all day."
New Girl
"Seven minutes and 23 seconds. I wonder what was going on in there."
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"- Hmm? You pooped. - Can you stop timing me, please?"
New Girl
"- That's ridiculous. - I will break you."
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"Hey, Lisa. You were on fire last night, girl."
New Girl
"- I'm taking herjob. - What did you do last night?"
New Girl
"Everyone went to Jill's bachelorette party."
New Girl
"Why don't I get invited places? Is it because I'm the only man in the office?"
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""Man." That's adorable."
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"- How's it...? - Sarah got promoted."
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"- Sarah? With the gums? - Yeah."
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"- So she's out of the... - That corner cubicle, it's free."
New Girl
"So much kickback space."
New Girl
"to her baby shower tonight."
New Girl
"So that corner cubicle, that's all mine."
New Girl
"You're like a Bond villain. You just told me your whole plan."
New Girl
"Heh."
New Girl
"Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet."
New Girl
"Why are we here?"
New Girl
"You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before."
New Girl
"Spencer and I never tried anything new, and maybe if I had been more erotic..."
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"Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk..."
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"not because you're bad in bed. - It's been six years."
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"Everything I know about sex I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trials."
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"He used a cigar as a sexual aid with her in the oval office area..."
New Girl
"Jess. - Mom?"
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"I'm not listening to NPR."
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"No. No whistle."
New Girl
"It's terrible."
New Girl
"Ah, excusez-moi."
New Girl
"Can I try this on, please?"
New Girl
"Oh, the starfish. You can't try that on. Health code."
New Girl
"I'll take it."
New Girl
"Hah!"
New Girl
"I hope Paul is packing some coral polyps..."
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"because this starfish is hungry."
New Girl
"- Starfish eat coral polyps. - Just pay, Jess."
New Girl
"Today I'm gonna show you how to cut your own hair."
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"- I consider myself... - Whoa, what the hell are you doing, Nick?"
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"It's a haircut, human interaction. You're a bartender."
New Girl
"You talk to strangers every day."
New Girl
"I don't like when they touch my head, Winston. I don't like it."
New Girl
"- Go to the damn salon! - No, it's fine, okay?"
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"I'm learning how to do it myself. I'm learning from this video."
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"Aah!"
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"Oh! - Oh, my God, man."
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"Oh!"
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"Oh!"
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"I was wondering why it had so many views."
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"- Hey. - What?"
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"You know, Gina, I was just walking by..."
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"and I mean I was literally pulled in here by the glow."
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"- What do you want? - I was just working at my cubicle..."
New Girl
"which, between you and me, is surrounded by a couple of chatty Cathys."
New Girl
"That's their names. Cathy S. And Cathy G."
New Girl
"They won't shut up about a baby shower tonight..."
New Girl
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