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Clips from 30 Rock - St. Valentine's Day (S03E03)

"Uh... how about Friday?"
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"Oh, no. Friday, I have a stupid... show."
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"Okay, then."
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"Valentine's Day it is."
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"Hello?"
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"I can't make this guy go on a first date on Valentine's."
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"Because it's a delicate situation, Jack."
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"Oh, come on, Lemon."
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"What is this, a green card thing?"
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"Closet case?"
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"No, not a ball player."
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"Bundy-esque serial killer?"
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"This is actually happening and I'm blowing it."
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"Instead of going to a restaurant where it will be nothing but"
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"people in love and rings hidden in pastries..."
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"and eat the Lovers' Delight."
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"Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of cognac"
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"Amedei Porceleana--"
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"and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf."
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"Come on, church won't be so bad. Aren't you Catholic?"
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"and then you go to Plunder. Elisa's worth it."
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"And I can fake enthusiasm when I need to."
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"NBC? Blah, blah, blah. Thank you."
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"I have no idea what you're talking about."
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"Oh! It's you again."
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"I can tell."
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"It's a Valentine's date-li-doo!"
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"Well, it's just gotten so small that I kind of"
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"and tell you that your breast has fallen out of your blouse"
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"Well, thank you for explaining that."
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"I always wanted to know how a universal remote works."
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"Well, that's how it does."
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"Oh, cheese stew. What was I thinking?"
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"No!"
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"So, we skipped from date four to date... 20."
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"Hello? Mandy..."
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"No, I can't..."
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"because I am on a date right now."
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"That was my ex-wife."
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"My daughter, Bethany, is on her way up."
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"I'm listening."
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"Okay."
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"Okay, be nice. I will be right back after I go talk to your mother."
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"for the pregnant members of our congregation:"
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"Honey, this is a Catholic church."
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"Let's go."
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"We just have to go to confession before we leave."
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"where the Pope himself could not get a table."
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"That was a nice try, though."
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"Ah, Monsieur Parcell. Votre table est prit."
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"Don't you have faith?"
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"You Crimson guys never miss a chance, do you?"
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"And... I may have sodomized our former Vice President"
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"while under the influence of"
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"some weapons-grade narcotics."
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"That one was weighing on me."
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"I already made that clear."
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"Then what brought you here tonight?"
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"the curve of a velvety-soft neck"
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"Father?"
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"Okay, uh... your mom left."
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"Yes, Gloria."
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"Gloria? How many ex-wives does he have?"
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"I'll be there as soon as I can."
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"because I don't think I can handle this by myself."
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"Wow, he does not sound good live."
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"# Once in a life...?"
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"Do you even believe in the teachings of"
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"Maybe this is God trying to tell me that we do not belong together."
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"and go to town on each other."
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"Go to your stupid restaurant."
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"What kind of God would let that happen?"
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"That's my friend, Liz."
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"Um..."
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"You have to tell him or I won't get into Heaven."
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"Kenneth, why do you suddenly sound white?"
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"prettiest, blindest girl I've ever met."
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"And when I'm with you, my heart jumps like a frog"
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"Yeah."
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"Yes, you are. I tried."
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"except have it not be anything like this at all."
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"Good night."
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"I followed it"
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"Oh! Good morning, Dr. Baird."
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"Good morning, Regular Person Lemon."
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"Oh, hey, are you around this weekend?"
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"Um... maybe we could have that date we talked..."
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"Yes."
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"Okay."
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"How about Saturday?"
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"Saturday, um... okay. I guess that doesn't have to be weird."
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"Okay..."
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"Saturday is Valentine's Day? Norts!"
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"You sound so sexy when you say that."
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"Say it again."
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"Your mother has gone back to..."
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"These McFlurries are amazing."
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"I know-- the soft swirl of vanilla and the hard crunch"
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"of candy and cookies."
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"You'd think they'd fight each other, but no."
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"Together, they are perfecto."
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"Some would say that describes us."
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"Who would say such a crazy thing?"
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"We are us."
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"the world's greatest dessert."
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"Actually, the world's greatest dessert is served"
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"in a restaurant right here in New York called Plunder."
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"It costs $1,000."
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"Lucky for you, your boyfriend got reservations"
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"for Valentine's Day."
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"But I have to go to church."
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"On Valentine's Day? Is that a thing?"
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"It is the feast of the martyrdom of St. Valentine."
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"Please, Jack."
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"Don't tell me you're one of those convenient Catholics"
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"that only goes to church every Sunday."
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"Oh..."
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"Oh, Kenneth, hey."
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"You know how the company makes an effort to hire the disabled?"
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"Do I? I wouldn't have this job"
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