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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Wiggly Finger Catalyst (S05E05)

"Great. Spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts."
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"I'm finally gonna have that earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted, heh."
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"- Isn't that a little on the nose? - When you play Chutes and Ladders..."
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"The United States of America."
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"Well, hello? She's married, heh."
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"...I've decided to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice."
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"Um, Howard, can I see you for a minute, please?"
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"Uh, no, that's not it. Just come with me, please?"
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"Emily, this is our friend Raj."
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"Hi."
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"Maybe we should revisit your lonely, fat guy plan, heh."
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"Tell her her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies..."
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"You're making me sound like a caveman."
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""Thank you, you have nice eyes too.""
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"She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like."
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"But I couldn't get any other boys to join..."
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"- Dude, what is she saying? - It's a funny story about a puppy."
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"...but that W-shaped constellation is Cassiopeia."
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"I speak sign language, I don't read minds."
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"- If you were me, would you kiss her? - Yeah, but I'm the make-out king."
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"Yeah, well, it might have been on your lips but it was my kiss."
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"Snake eyes. Sorry, bud."
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"I'm the one that introduced him to her. I've gotta say something."
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"Um, see, Raj is kind of naive."
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"And I'm concerned that, without meaning to..."
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"Although the people at Cartier took a pretty good shot at it."
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"No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise."
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"What? You're gonna make me choose between the woman I love..."
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"I choose you."
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"Come on, Papa needs to void his bladder."
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"Hurry, hurry, hurry."
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"The entrance to the dungeon is a moss-covered door."
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"You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face..."
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"...with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre."
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"What do you do?"
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"I say, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?""
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"Seventeen."
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"The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass."
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"By the by, I liked it too."
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"How go the wedding plans, Howard?"
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"See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9000 miles away."
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"I can spend my nights doing whatever I want."
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"Like playing nerd games with us..."
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"...and then taking a suspiciously long shower?"
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"Maybe."
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"We enter the dungeon."
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"You see a dragon."
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"Really? So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons."
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"And we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon?"
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"...do you complain about all the chutes and the ladders?"
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"Are you gonna eat that whole pie?"
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"Who do I have in my life to watch my figure for?"
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"Oh, God, did you watch Bridget Jones again?"
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"No, it's just that everybody's got someone."
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"Sheldon's with Amy, Howard's getting married..."
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"- ...you're dating my sister. - Now that Howard's getting married..."
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"...maybe he'll inflate one of his old girlfriends for you, heh."
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"You know who I blame for my loneliness?"
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"Your movies and your TV shows..."
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"...promised streets paved with beautiful blonde women with big bazongas."
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"That's cruel. You know it goes straight to my hips."
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"Gentlemen, please focus."
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"- You're facing a fire-breathing dragon. - Unh, I don't know if I wanna play anymore."
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"Because you don't have a girlfriend? If that becomes a reason..."
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"...not to play Dungeons and Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."
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"Now, I assume we use this same wax later on..."
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"...to neaten up each other's bikini regions."
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"Yeah, my bikini region is fine."
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"Who's shocked? I'm not."
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"So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going?"
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"And I'm not asking as a prospective bridesmaid."
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"Pick me. Pick me."
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"We went cake tasting yesterday."
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"Raj came along."
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"He cried and ate half the samples."
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"Oh, poor guy. He's so lonely. We should set him up with someone."
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"You know, I met a really cute girl at work."
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"She's married to a guy in one of our drug trials."
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"Yeah, but her husband is in serious congestive heart failure..."
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"...and a little birdie told me he's in the placebo group."
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"Okay, so future grief-stricken widow is the one to beat."
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"- You ready to order? - One moment."
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"I'm conducting an experiment."
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"With Dungeons and Dragons dice?"
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"Yes. From here on in..."
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"Thus freeing up my mind to do what it does best..."
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"...enlighten and amaze."
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"Page 14, item seven."
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"So, what's for dinner?"
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"A side of corn succotash."
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"Hmm, interesting."
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"Ugh, I don't wanna show any more of your friends how I can fit in the booster seats."
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"Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with."
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"A pitcher of margaritas."
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"Do you really want that?"
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"That's the great thing. It doesn't matter."
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"My mind is freed up to think about more important things."
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"What's it thinking about now?"
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"Hamburgers and lemonade."
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"Um, Raj, there's someone I want you to meet."
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"This is my friend, Emily. I know her from spin class."
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"No. Raj, relax. She can't hear you. She's deaf."
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"- Heh. - Aw."
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"Look at you guys, just hitting it off. I am so good."
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"She says, "it's nice to meet you.""
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"Did she really mean that or was she signing it sarcastically?"
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"Raj says, "It's nice to meet you too." Heh."
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"Uh, she says she has to go back to her family."
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"But Penny has her number if you wanna text her and get together."
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"Okay, I'm gonna play it cool."
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"Tell her, "Maybe. Whatever, babe.""
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"He'll text you, heh."
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"I love America again."
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"And now for dessert."
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"Come on, hot fudge sundae. Come on, hot fudge sundae."
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"Bam! That's what I'm talking about."
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"Okay. As soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it..."
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"...I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf."
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"I was thinking, "Hey, did you hear the one about...?"
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"Oh, no, I bet you didn't.""
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