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Clips from The Office - Work Experience (S01E01)

"Probably the humour."
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"With responsibility comes harsh things."
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"Um... people look at me, they say, "oh, he's tough. He was in the army."
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""He's going to be hard. By the book.""
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"But..."
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"Um...Yeah."
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"See? People think a strong man can't be sensitive,"
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"About the picture of David with the two blokes jizzing on him."
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"Were they both jizzing on him?"
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"I don't think..."
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"no, look, it's just jizzing."
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"Well, I didn't do it."
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"Good. Fine."
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"Well, I'm glad we had this little chat."
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"I don't want you to think of me as your boss..."
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"well, you're not."
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"I'm higher up than you, so I am."
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"What I'm saying is, don't think of me as a boss,"
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"- but know that I am. - I don't think you are."
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"I'm team leader, so I am. I'm higher up than you."
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"Gareth Keenan."
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"Yes. I've had office romances!"
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"Loads."
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"Not here, another place I worked at."
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"But they're not a good idea. Office romances."
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"it's like shitting on your own doorstep."
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"Distracting. And that's actually one of the major arguments"
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"against letting gay men into the army."
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"I haven't got a problem with that -"
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"a gay man's not going to put me off, I can handle myself -"
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"but if we were in battle,"
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"You know? "he looks tasty in his uniform.""
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"And I'm not homophobic."
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"Come and look at my CD collection."
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"You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys."
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"They're all bummers."
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"- It's my dog shagging his dog. - Oh, yeah."
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"That's a funny bit. Look at Gazza's face!"
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"I'm sorry to interrupt, do you think you can lose any more staff from down here?"
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"- I know you lost Julie Anderton recently. - Who?"
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"- Opening a can of worms there. - Julie Anderton. David fired her."
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"- Never heard of her. - Loyalty."
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"When someone goes from this organization, they no longer exist."
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"She never existed, did she?"
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"- Well... - you made her up."
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"You back me into a corner and I act..."
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"- you lied. - it's a form of acting."
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"Can you take this upstairs? We're busy."
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"- You don't look busy. - Do you want me to get busy, love?"
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"Sorry?"
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"That was out of order in a way."
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"- Ooh! - I'm not in trouble."
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"What she needs is a good shagging!"
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"I might bloody have to now. See you later."
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"Now, then. You two."
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"Dawn and Tim."
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"What do you want, Gareth?"
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"I've been assigned to find out who did the picture."
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"Right. Who was it?"
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"- Well, I don't know. - Will you get fired?"
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"- Will I get fired? - if you don't know."
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"Well I'm finding out now. I'm doing investigations now. Was it one of you two?"
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"Yes. Christ, you're good."
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"- Was it? - No!"
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"I knew it wasn't."
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"Listen, I'm not going to fire you if you know anything"
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"- because... - you couldn't."
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"- I could. - How would that work?"
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"I would say, "you're fired. Clear your desk.""
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"I'd say you don't have the authority."
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"Not true, not true."
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"- needs? - No. I am a special..."
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"- needs child? - No, and that's not even funny."
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"- I won't have you fired because... - you couldn't."
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"That's all."
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"Not only did they undermine you in an authoritative sense..."
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"of you naked on all fours,"
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"being quite literally done doggie-style."
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"David!"
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"- Carry on. - What is it?"
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"I've found the guilty man."
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"- Have you indeed? - Can this wait, David?"
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"Er, yeah,"
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"but if I tell you there's pornography, sexist pornography - which I hate -"
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"going round the office, then do you want it to wait?"
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"Pornography?"
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"- Who was it? - Surprise, surprise, it was Tim."
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"Shame. Good man. How can you be sure?"
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"I found these pictures on his hard drive, downloaded from the internet."
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"After investigation,"
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"licensed by, carried out by..."
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"oh, no."
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"Urgh. I don't want you to see this. I don't want to see this."
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"That's worse than the one before."
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"Well, he will have to be disciplined"
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"because when the disciplining has to be done,"
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"rehabilitation notwithstanding."
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"it's everywhere. Oh."
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"How did you find out?"
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"I suspected the pictures probably came off the internet,"
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"so I checked everyone's computer."
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"You just go to internet page and then... history."
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"- Well, it's not worth it... - it only takes a second."
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"I don't even want to know how it's done, in a way."
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"Can you delete the history thing on the computer? We should really."
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"- David, this is a meeting. - Yeah, yeah."
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"Ok. That's all. Anything else?"
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"Taffy phoned from the warehouse."
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"- This is just one big boy's club isnt it?! - Not really."
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"Seedy little men with seedy little jokes."
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"This morning, perfect example!"
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"I do not want to be put in that position again."
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"Don't go down the warehouse."
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"Don't tell me where I can and can't go in my own company."
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"What's that?"
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"You lied to me because you don't have the guts to do your own job."
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"I don't have the guts?"
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"if you're not man enough to do your job, I will do it for you."
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"Not man enough?"
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"Ok."
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