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Clips from American Dad! - The 42-Year-Old Virgin (S03E03)

"I took credit for the kill, but since then, I've never been able to do the deed."
American Dad!
"Not exactly."
American Dad!
"Yep, I still got it."
American Dad!
"I've been up and down myself. Sweet Lady Cancer took one of my nads."
American Dad!
"And that's who I became. For myself, my wife and my kids."
American Dad!
"Hey, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."
American Dad!
"Look, I'll tell you one of mine so we're even."
American Dad!
"I return stuff to the Gap all the time."
American Dad!
"- Liar! Your whole life has been a lie! - Damn it, Roger."
American Dad!
"You're not a killer of men, you're a killer of truth."
American Dad!
"I've been walking around wondering who the jerk is..."
American Dad!
"Oh, Daddy, I just knew you couldn't be a cold-blooded killer."
American Dad!
"- I'm so proud of you. - No."
American Dad!
"Why don't you come with me to the Citizens' Protest Caucus?"
American Dad!
"- I loved you. - Everyone, just relax."
American Dad!
"He's still the same person he was last night."
American Dad!
"It's just our opinion of him that's changed."
American Dad!
"- You told them I'm a killing virgin? - Stan, come on. I'm a gossip."
American Dad!
"I reveal people's darkest secrets so I can seem momentarily interesting."
American Dad!
"You know who else does that? Hayley."
American Dad!
"- What are you guys doing here? - Chilly called us."
American Dad!
"And you'll be doing your killing with this."
American Dad!
"Hey, pal, relax. We brought you to the best place in town."
American Dad!
"Inside are the most pathetic people in the city, with nothing to live for."
American Dad!
"Oh, wait, Applebee's has a bar. It's like Applebee's."
American Dad!
"She's 46. Never been married, despite years of trying."
American Dad!
"Had a hysterectomy, so even if she does find that special someone..."
American Dad!
"...there's no chance she'll have kids. You should kill her."
American Dad!
"I can't. She's too tall. I don't wanna kill anyone too tall."
American Dad!
"He keeps mumbling that he'd rather die than pay alimony..."
American Dad!
"...which, in my book, is a green light."
American Dad!
"You guys want me to shoot a guy named James? As in Jim?"
American Dad!
"That one was terrible. They were all terrible."
American Dad!
"That was awful. I can't stand the whole bar scene."
American Dad!
"Hey, it was your first night out there. You'll find the right one soon."
American Dad!
"When you find the one, you just know."
American Dad!
"Space war?"
American Dad!
"I've told you that story, right? Well, the end of it is we won."
American Dad!
"Or you can shut up!"
American Dad!
"There we are."
American Dad!
"I'm your father. You can't talk to me that way."
American Dad!
"- Maybe Steve is your one. - I can't kill my own son."
American Dad!
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
American Dad!
"He is elephant-making-love-to-a-cat rough on you."
American Dad!
"I'm throwing empties at your head."
American Dad!
"...and the law requires me to tell everyone within a two-mile radius..."
American Dad!
"I threw peanuts at you."
American Dad!
"But now I'm out, so we'll see what happens."
American Dad!
"Sorry, my mind's a million miles away. Now, what are you selling?"
American Dad!
"Hey, shut the door. You're letting all the air out."
American Dad!
"So smooth. Can I come in?"
American Dad!
"I would very much like to come in. I would like to be in your home."
American Dad!
"Hey, killer. How was the kill?"
American Dad!
"You need to wash the blood off your hands?"
American Dad!
"I'm tired. I have a headache. I have a lot of work to do."
American Dad!
"My back hurts. It's that time of the month. I have an early meeting."
American Dad!
"That's my pencil sharpener."
American Dad!
"Just sharpening my pencils for my meeting tomorrow."
American Dad!
"All right, Stan. Now, don't be nervous. This place is a sure thing."
American Dad!
"Good. Now, if you start to get nervous, picture them naked."
American Dad!
"You start to get really nervous, make them get naked."
American Dad!
"Still nervous, you get naked."
American Dad!
"You can do whatever you want. You're killing these people."
American Dad!
"Now, according to the laws of Zargon..."
American Dad!
"...we need an outsider to deliver the poison..."
American Dad!
"...which will return us to our planet. You must be the chosen ones."
American Dad!
"You were the first to reply to our post on Craigslist."
American Dad!
"And that bitch who stole all my stuff."
American Dad!
"Our boy Stan, right here."
American Dad!
"So I like your shower caps. Sells "crazy" right away."
American Dad!
"I got you a part in a snuff film. You'll be killing Stacy Keach."
American Dad!
"Oh, what is this? I don't get this."
American Dad!
"I was picking blueberries for peace with my daughter. Who was I kidding?"
American Dad!
"I'm a wimpy non-killer who doesn't have the guts to end another human's life."
American Dad!
"Give it up, Roger. There is no "one." That person doesn't exist."
American Dad!
"No "one" is just gonna magically fall into my lap."
American Dad!
"This whole time, I was going out looking for it when it was down the street..."
American Dad!
"...and I couldn't even see it."
American Dad!
"You don't even realize it's happening..."
American Dad!
"Steve just rode away in that pedophile's ice-cream truck."
American Dad!
"Are you Randy's mother?"
American Dad!
"Oh, dear. Randy used to work at the water park before the troubles."
American Dad!
"You might wanna check there."
American Dad!
"He also kills cats!"
American Dad!
"What an awesome place. Thanks for bringing us, Randy."
American Dad!
"...and pretend it's one of the Little Rascals?"
American Dad!
"- No. - Me neither."
American Dad!
"How would you like to see the old mattress..."
American Dad!
"I need a ticket. My son is about to be molested."
American Dad!
"- Sixty-five dollars. - Sixty-five? That's outrageous."
American Dad!
"If you have a soda can, you get in for half price."
American Dad!
"I hope my son's still about to be molested. I need a ticket."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, I can't accept a full can. It has to be empty."
American Dad!
"Wow, that bums me out."
American Dad!
"Chilly told us what happened."
American Dad!
"- We got here as soon as we could. - Find the boys."
American Dad!
"There's not a moment to lose."
American Dad!
"I'm confiscating all these churros."
American Dad!
"- Something doesn't seem right here. - Yeah."
American Dad!
"I offend people with the sex I have."
American Dad!
"My God, boys. We can all take a page from Randy the molester's book."
American Dad!
"So I'm not a killer. If it happens for me, and I kill someone, great. If not, fine."
American Dad!
"Thanks for saving us. I'm sorry for the way I acted."
American Dad!
"You're going away for a long time, Randy."
American Dad!
"- Not as long as you might think. - What do you mean?"
American Dad!
"I've got a great lawyer, and my mom's got a ton of money."
American Dad!
"I'll be back out on the streets in no time."
American Dad!
"Once again, Bad Larry, I am so sorry."
American Dad!
"What? I'm just trying to make sure we're all clear."
American Dad!
"I was your one, and you didn't even know it."
American Dad!
"- Bad Larry. - Hey, hey, no tears, you."
American Dad!
"And I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
American Dad!
"Where did I park my car?"
American Dad!
"Go to hell, Hayley. That's not who I am. Take off that unitard, or I'll kill you."
American Dad!
"- You so would. - Did you kill someone?"
American Dad!
"I've got an area. Something about Rutger Hauer."
American Dad!
"Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. No. No, Fox local news. No!"
American Dad!
"Sorry, boys, I don't kill and tell. Part of the killers' code."
American Dad!
"Why can't I stop sweating?"
American Dad!
"One time, can I get a hand?"
American Dad!
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