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Clips from Seinfeld - The Fix Up (S03E03)

"I think we should have, like, a secret signal with the druggist."
Seinfeld
"You walk into the store, go to the counter. He looks at you."
Seinfeld
"And if you go like this:"
Seinfeld
"He puts them in the bag for you. That's it."
Seinfeld
"Show up there with your little shaving cream, your little toothpaste."
Seinfeld
"How are you today?"
Seinfeld
"Have a nice day. You too."
Seinfeld
"- What did they do? - I think they went out to dinner."
Seinfeld
"- Hello. - It's me. I just got home."
Seinfeld
"Hold on."
Seinfeld
"- It's George. He just got home. - Yeah. I got Cynthia on the line."
Seinfeld
"- I'll call you back when I'm done. - Remember our pact: full disclosure."
Seinfeld
"Of course."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, go ahead."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna tell you, but I made a pact with Cynthia."
Seinfeld
"We swore we wouldn't tell you and Elaine."
Seinfeld
"- You can tell. I'll vault it. - It's in the vault?"
Seinfeld
"- We had sex. - Oh, my God, you had sex?"
Seinfeld
"- How did that happen? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I closed my eyes and made a move."
Seinfeld
"- She didn't stay over? - No. She left."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"He was uncomfortable because it was our first time."
Seinfeld
"- What? - He says the kitchen..."
Seinfeld
"...is the most sociable room in the house."
Seinfeld
"And he was serious."
Seinfeld
"- So how was it? - How good could it be?"
Seinfeld
"My head was on a hot plate."
Seinfeld
"I got another call. Must be Jerry."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, don't you tell him any of this. - Yeah, okay."
Seinfeld
"- Hello? - So, what did she say?"
Seinfeld
"- What did he have to say? - He said he had a good time."
Seinfeld
"- Her too. - Oh, good."
Seinfeld
"- You? - No."
Seinfeld
"- You sure? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- You? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"All right, well..."
Seinfeld
"I guess everything is under control."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Okay then."
Seinfeld
"Alrighty."
Seinfeld
"- Good night. - Good night."
Seinfeld
"I left three messages. I can't believe this woman."
Seinfeld
"We have sex, she leaves 10 minutes later, then I never hear from her again."
Seinfeld
"What kind of a person does this?"
Seinfeld
"Never mind. Disgraceful."
Seinfeld
"Leaves you sitting there on the kitchen floor like some kind of roach trap."
Seinfeld
"Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am."
Seinfeld
"Sir. Whatever."
Seinfeld
"She's not gonna get away with this."
Seinfeld
"I was smart. I was funny."
Seinfeld
"I made great small talk with the waitress..."
Seinfeld
"...so she could see I could relate to the commoners."
Seinfeld
"I'm a man of the people."
Seinfeld
"- No, I'm calling her. - No, Jerry, I don't want you to."
Seinfeld
"- You wanna fight me? - Jerry, I'm gonna kill you."
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey, hey!"
Seinfeld
"Hey, come on, Jerry, George. Stop it."
Seinfeld
"I'll just call her when you leave."
Seinfeld
"It's none of your business!"
Seinfeld
"Stop it, boys!"
Seinfeld
"I don't want another word from either of you."
Seinfeld
"The next one of you that opens your mouth, you'll have to deal with me."
Seinfeld
"I bet I know what this is about. It's about a woman, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, but- - You see!"
Seinfeld
"They play one against the other."
Seinfeld
"You can't let them manipulate you like that."
Seinfeld
"- But, Kramer- - No, no, no!"
Seinfeld
"I want you guys to shake hands."
Seinfeld
"Come on, there are plenty women out there for all of us."
Seinfeld
"Shake."
Seinfeld
"Yes! You see?"
Seinfeld
"Isn't that better than fighting? Animosity?"
Seinfeld
"You wanna fight with somebody, you fight with me."
Seinfeld
"By the way, those condoms I gave you? They're defective. Don't use them."
Seinfeld
"- What? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Defective? - Defective."
Seinfeld
"How could you give me a defective condom?"
Seinfeld
"- Didn't think you'd use them. - What do you mean-?!"
Seinfeld
"Just spread out!"
Seinfeld
"Don't worry. If anything was wrong, she'd have called you."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God!"
Seinfeld
"I am very worried. I am never late."
Seinfeld
"But he used a condom, right?"
Seinfeld
"I know, but these things aren't always foolproof."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no."
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"Was it blue?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
Seinfeld
"Just a hunch."
Seinfeld
"It says twist-off. Twist off! Twist! Off!"
Seinfeld
"No, thanks."
Seinfeld
"So tell me."
Seinfeld
"What's the problem with your little flaky friend? She doesn't return calls?"
Seinfeld
"She'll call him when she's good and ready."
Seinfeld
"- You don't even know her. - Oh, I know her."
Seinfeld
"I know her type."
Seinfeld
"Her type? What type?"
Seinfeld
"The type that doesn't return calls."
Seinfeld
"I knew we shouldn't have done it. It was a bad idea. I told you."
Seinfeld
"You told me? You pushed this whole thing on me."
Seinfeld
"It was your idea."
Seinfeld
"I was just helping your bitter, twisted friend."
Seinfeld
"She's not bitter."
Seinfeld
"Bitter's a judgment call. She's twisted."
Seinfeld
"Twisted? God, I did you a favour!"
Seinfeld
"You said they had a good time. What else are you keeping from me?"
Seinfeld
"- Are you calling me a liar? - I'm calling you one if you are."
Seinfeld
"- Are you? - Get your finger out of my face."
Seinfeld
"- Get yours out. - I don't care."
Seinfeld
"Get out! Out! Out! Out!"
Seinfeld
"Come on. Break it up!"
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey!"
Seinfeld
"What's the matter with you?"
Seinfeld
"Now, don't you two see that you're in love with each other?"
Seinfeld
"I mean, why can't you face that already?"
Seinfeld
"...when everything you dream of is right here in front of you."
Seinfeld
"Now why can't you admit that?"
Seinfeld
"By the way, when you see George, give him these. These'll work."
Seinfeld
"I knew those condoms were defective!"
Seinfeld
"How did you know they were defective?!"
Seinfeld
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