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Clips from Seinfeld - The Puerto Rican Day (S09E09)

"This thing can't hurt me, can it? I mean, it is a laser."
Seinfeld
"- What if it hits my eye? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I can't be blind, Jerry. The blind are courageous."
Seinfeld
"...because then the whole ball will go up like the Death Star."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"Hey, there's the soda guy."
Seinfeld
"Hey, jackass, get me a Diet Dr. Pepper."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Oh, this is nuts. I can't get across anywhere."
Seinfeld
"Well, none of us can. We're trapped."
Seinfeld
"Look. No one knows how long this parade is gonna last."
Seinfeld
"They are a very festive people."
Seinfeld
"All I know is that it's Sunday night, and I have got to unwind."
Seinfeld
"Now, who's with me?"
Seinfeld
"Father?"
Seinfeld
"None of us saw the nylon flap. That might mean something."
Seinfeld
"- All right. - All right. Come on, come on. Let's go."
Seinfeld
"- Let's go. - But it's dark."
Seinfeld
"Get in there."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I'm interested in the apartment."
Seinfeld
"- Yes, come in, come in. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"- Delicious to meet you. - Did the broker send you over?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, I'm H. E. Pennypacker."
Seinfeld
"I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and a bicyclist."
Seinfeld
"And, yes, I'm looking for a place..."
Seinfeld
"...where I can settle down with my peculiar habits..."
Seinfeld
"...and the women that I frequent with."
Seinfeld
"Mombasa, huh?"
Seinfeld
"The asking price is a million and a half dollars."
Seinfeld
"I spend that much on aftershave."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day."
Seinfeld
"Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?"
Seinfeld
"No."
Seinfeld
"- How about a bathroom? - It has four."
Seinfeld
"Just down the hall."
Seinfeld
"Oh, don't worry, we'll get you home to your husband real soon."
Seinfeld
"I'm not married."
Seinfeld
"Thank you."
Seinfeld
"Is the boyfriend still in the picture?"
Seinfeld
"- Come on, Father, you can make it. - No, I can't. I've got a bad hip."
Seinfeld
"- Go on without me. - No, I won't."
Seinfeld
"Leave me. You must."
Seinfeld
"All right. Take it easy."
Seinfeld
"All right, we can move faster without Father O'Gimpy."
Seinfeld
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen a man driving a Saab convertible."
Seinfeld
"Still haven't."
Seinfeld
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"
Seinfeld
"They're for protection, Jerry. Can you tell where I'm looking?"
Seinfeld
"- At me? - No."
Seinfeld
"Well, it's back."
Seinfeld
"Bring it on, baby."
Seinfeld
"What if it gets in the side?"
Seinfeld
"- Side? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Wouldn't it bounce back and forth between your cornea and the mirror?"
Seinfeld
"Faster and faster, getting more intense, until-"
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"- It's in your eye now. - What?"
Seinfeld
"Hola, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"I'm into this Puerto Rican Day."
Seinfeld
"The sights, the sounds. The hot, spicy flavor of it all."
Seinfeld
"- The Mets got men on base. - I know. I was watching the game."
Seinfeld
"You were watching? Where?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, that was a strike. Did you see that?"
Seinfeld
"Would you like to see the rest of the apartment, Mr. -?"
Seinfeld
"Varnsen. Kel Varnsen."
Seinfeld
"Actually, this room intrigues me. Why is it called the TV room?"
Seinfeld
"You have any snacks?"
Seinfeld
"Mr. Varnsen, if you like the apartment, I should tell you..."
Seinfeld
"Not Pennypacker."
Seinfeld
"- You know him? - I wish I didn't."
Seinfeld
"Brace yourself, madam, for an all-out bidding war."
Seinfeld
"But this time, advantage Varnsen."
Seinfeld
"- Wait a second. - What?"
Seinfeld
"I think I see where that laser guy is."
Seinfeld
"No, don't look, don't look."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, that's him."
Seinfeld
"Okay. I'm gonna sneak up on him."
Seinfeld
"Now the hunted becomes the hunter."
Seinfeld
"We should be able to get across right through here."
Seinfeld
"It's a dead end."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, no. I thought- - You thought?"
Seinfeld
"We're gonna die in the dark. I knew it."
Seinfeld
"Sorry."
Seinfeld
"Somebody help us!"
Seinfeld
"Mira, mira, Stacy Keach!"
Seinfeld
"We're down here. Help."
Seinfeld
"There's people down there."
Seinfeld
"Hold on!"
Seinfeld
"Let us out. There's an unmarried pregnant woman down here."
Seinfeld
"Don't judge me."
Seinfeld
"Help us up so we can cross the street?"
Seinfeld
"No, no, you can't cross here. There's a parade."
Seinfeld
"But we've come so far."
Seinfeld
"We just wanna unwind."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, what can I tell you."
Seinfeld
"Wanna make out some more?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, God! Let us out!"
Seinfeld
"Got it!"
Seinfeld
"That wasn't a laser pen."
Seinfeld
"No. It's just a pen."
Seinfeld
"Oh, that's funny?"
Seinfeld
"No, you have, like, a dot on your face."
Seinfeld
"Whoever's doing that is very clever."
Seinfeld
"Come on, man. You need to lighten up."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, it's like this every day in Puerto Rico."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, see, now you're getting the spirit of it, huh?"
Seinfeld
"Hey. There's a guy burning the Puerto Rican flag."
Seinfeld
"Who? Who is burning the flag?"
Seinfeld
"- Him? - That's not very nice."
Seinfeld
"It was an accident."
Seinfeld
"Do you know what day this is?"
Seinfeld
"Because I know what day this is."
Seinfeld
"They know what day this is..."
Seinfeld
"...so I was wondering if you know what day this is!"
Seinfeld
"Because it's Puerto Rican Day."
Seinfeld
"Maybe we should stomp you like you stomp the flag."
Seinfeld
"I just have one thing to say to you boys."
Seinfeld
"Right this way, Mr. Vandelay."
Seinfeld
"Lovely, this is a lovely apartment. Lovely."
Seinfeld
"The kids are gonna go crazy."
Seinfeld
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