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Clips from The Dictator (2012)

"Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops."
The Dictator (2012)
"Congratulations. Living the American dream."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay, fine. I will help you. On one condition."
The Dictator (2012)
"Name it."
The Dictator (2012)
"You reinstate me as Head of Nuclear Research,"
The Dictator (2012)
"so I can finish building my bomb."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Oh, one last thing. - Mmm?"
The Dictator (2012)
"You will let me build a round nuclear weapon."
The Dictator (2012)
"Never. It must be pointy."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Wait a minute. This is... - Whoa."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Round. Round. - Teat-shaped."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Okay. Deal. - Deal."
The Dictator (2012)
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press,"
The Dictator (2012)
"our Supreme Leader is indisposed to answer your questions"
The Dictator (2012)
"as he is currently drafting Wadiya's new constitution,"
The Dictator (2012)
"which is scheduled to be signed"
The Dictator (2012)
"at the Lancaster Penthouse Ballroom in three days."
The Dictator (2012)
"Thank you. No further questions."
The Dictator (2012)
"There is no way we're going to get anywhere near this hotel"
The Dictator (2012)
"without a security pass. This is ridiculous."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Wait. - What are you doing?"
The Dictator (2012)
"That woman, you know her?"
The Dictator (2012)
"I cannot begin to tell you what an honor it is"
The Dictator (2012)
"to be able to provide all of the catering..."
The Dictator (2012)
"Well, of course."
The Dictator (2012)
"You just paid this month's rent!"
The Dictator (2012)
"ALADEEN: She offered me a job."
The Dictator (2012)
"Can you imagine that? Me? Working?"
The Dictator (2012)
"Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only thing that'll get you past security."
The Dictator (2012)
"Wait, her company is catering the event. She has a security pass!"
The Dictator (2012)
"That is the answer. This is the plan."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay? You will take that job and you will work for her."
The Dictator (2012)
"I will get you an identical beard and costume."
The Dictator (2012)
"And then on the day of the event,"
The Dictator (2012)
"Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?"
The Dictator (2012)
"Zoey."
The Dictator (2012)
"about some of the comments I may have made about"
The Dictator (2012)
"Captain Hook and Blackie."
The Dictator (2012)
"Well, you can't be the manager, because I am the manager."
The Dictator (2012)
"Well, I can if I killed you."
The Dictator (2012)
"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
The Dictator (2012)
"All right, then... I will get you."
The Dictator (2012)
"Yeah? Hold on one second."
The Dictator (2012)
"Hey, my man! Excuse me. Hairnet!"
The Dictator (2012)
"I need a little of the quinoa salad, please,"
The Dictator (2012)
"and throw a couple of extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,"
The Dictator (2012)
"Whoa, whoa! Occupied!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Out. I have to clean. Come on, out you go, out you go."
The Dictator (2012)
"some Nair and some female razors. Does anybody want to use it'?"
The Dictator (2012)
"Suck it, loser."
The Dictator (2012)
"Clean-up on aisle four!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Hey, buddy, I saw that."
The Dictator (2012)
"No, he is not my best friend!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Though he has been staying in my guest house"
The Dictator (2012)
"ever since they shot his double last year."
The Dictator (2012)
"I know why this guy's the most hated man in the world."
The Dictator (2012)
"Remember, we're just two ordinary American tourists"
The Dictator (2012)
"looking at the sights."
The Dictator (2012)
"Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect anything. It's a great plan, pointy."
The Dictator (2012)
"Don't worry. I am Wadiya's number one actor."
The Dictator (2012)
"You don't win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing."
The Dictator (2012)
"Yes, you do, because you gave them to yourself!"
The Dictator (2012)
"was outstanding."
The Dictator (2012)
"I give it thumbs clown"
The Dictator (2012)
"Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies!"
The Dictator (2012)
"You are a terrible actor."
The Dictator (2012)
"All right, can you get me a cloak?"
The Dictator (2012)
"Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak."
The Dictator (2012)
"No, your guy wears an American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge."
The Dictator (2012)
"I need the sheriff's badge."
The Dictator (2012)
"For what?"
The Dictator (2012)
"You're sheriff of American douche-town!"
The Dictator (2012)
"That's rude."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Okay. No problem. - This has to work."
The Dictator (2012)
"Don't worry. Just relax."
The Dictator (2012)
"Are you okay?"
The Dictator (2012)
"I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub"
The Dictator (2012)
"because I am a cockney."
The Dictator (2012)
"Listen! Listen, okay?"
The Dictator (2012)
"to deliver a small, subtle performance."
The Dictator (2012)
"Don't do that with your eyes!"
The Dictator (2012)
"You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?"
The Dictator (2012)
"I'm not chink, I'm Chinese-American!"
The Dictator (2012)
"It's racist, what you are doing!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's?"
The Dictator (2012)
"They pronounce them as L's."
The Dictator (2012)
"So instead you know what "rabbit" is in Chinese?"
The Dictator (2012)
"I don't know how to speak Chinese."
The Dictator (2012)
"- It's "labbit." - It's not "Iabbit"!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit was a huge hit in China!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Nobody... It's stup..."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk."
The Dictator (2012)
"- Doni - I like the shit, I do the kids."
The Dictator (2012)
"Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!"
The Dictator (2012)
"- You're being Iacist now. - I'm not being racist!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Right now we have to get on this helicopter"
The Dictator (2012)
"and we have to act like true Americans."
The Dictator (2012)
"Of course I don't want you to play black."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay. Just throwing it out there."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay. Don't."
The Dictator (2012)
"Okay, don't do that."
The Dictator (2012)
"I see what you're doing, it's not cool."
The Dictator (2012)
"It's how they walk."
The Dictator (2012)
"America is number one!"
The Dictator (2012)
"Oh, lam from U.S.A.!"
The Dictator (2012)
"I am America's number one douche."
The Dictator (2012)
"(BOTH SPEAKING WADIYAN)"
The Dictator (2012)
"Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?"
The Dictator (2012)
"Yes, Osama."
The Dictator (2012)
"Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers..."
The Dictator (2012)
"So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day..."
The Dictator (2012)
"and I totally crashed!"
The Dictator (2012)
"It's ok, I've already ordered a new one."
The Dictator (2012)
"A brand new 9112012."
The Dictator (2012)
"You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights..."
The Dictator (2012)
"such as the Empire State Building..."
The Dictator (2012)
"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
The Dictator (2012)
"Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace."
The Dictator (2012)
"Hey, my English is getting good..."
The Dictator (2012)
"BOTH: Five, four, three, two, one!"
The Dictator (2012)
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