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Clips from Night Court - All You Need Is Love (S01E01)

"- Is that you? - Hacksaw?"
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"Come on down."
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"He has a friend named Hacksaw."
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"- Hacksaw, how are you doing? - Yeah, well, you know."
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"Yeah, three-card monte again, huh?"
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"...prepare the file on Hammond, Leonard G."
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"- It's not the first case... - Miss Gardiner, your client's pleading guilty."
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"- Be right there. - It'll cost you 50 bucks."
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"- What was the fine? - Fifty bucks, hon."
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"- Thank you. Here's the file. - Case closed."
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"- Good to see you, Hacksaw, really good. - You too."
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"Boy, that was quick. What's next?"
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"- I hate you! - Well, I hate you more!"
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"- We'll talk later. - Your whole family's crazy."
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"You leave my family out of this, you..."
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"- Scuzzball. - Scuzzball!"
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"You ought to lock her up and throw away the key, judge. She's crazy."
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"All right!"
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"Let's put a lid on this assiduousness."
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"State v. Kerr, Your Honor."
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"- This case has some intricate... - Let's all gather around the big desk."
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"Your Honor, this case has some intricate facets."
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"Husband and wife, married 27 years. She catches him with a prostitute..."
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"...so the DA files for attempted murder."
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"- This could go either way. - Yes."
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"- Unless... - What?"
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"No, I guess it's gotta go either way, doesn't it?"
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"- Your Honor... - Hi."
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"Hi."
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"- Louise Kerr? - Here."
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"They call me Carla B., Your Honor. I'm probably down there..."
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"...for alleged solicitation of prostitution or something."
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"Right you are."
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"- Your Honor, may I? - Mr. Prosecutor..."
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"...Miss Gardiner, I am prepared to listen to the testimony..."
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"...cross-examine the witnesses..."
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"...consider the precedents that I'm sure you've both prepared."
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"- What do you mean it's not necessary? - Glad you asked."
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"We will now take a short recess."
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"During that time, I order the defendant Mrs. Kerr and her husband Mr. Kerr..."
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"...and the attorneys involved to go to a nearby restaurant..."
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"...sit down, have a cup of coffee, relax, try to work out this little thing."
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"Court's recessed."
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"I cannot work with that man. He's disrupting my court."
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"And then they're usually only given an official reprimand."
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"It is virtually impossible to remove a sitting judge from the bench."
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"We have to kill him."
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"Yo."
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"- Sir, I have to speak with you. - Lana, good to see you. Come over."
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"- Pick a card. - Sir, I have urgent business to discuss."
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"Now, what's on your mind?"
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"Judge Stone, I think your actions in the Kerr case were impulsive..."
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"...unorthodox and totally irresponsible."
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"My God, they're at it again?"
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"- Your Honor! - Come on, call me Harry."
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"...my baby brother had trouble pronouncing it too."
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"You're crazy. An attempted murder, and you send the plaintiff and the defendant..."
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"...out for a cup of coffee? What do murderers get? Brunch?"
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"All right, my methods are informal."
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"Hey, give them a chance. They might work."
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"Then again, maybe someday pigs will fly."
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"Oh, my God, Sheila, Dan, are you all right?"
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"- What happened? - You wanna know what happened?"
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"- I'll tell you what happened. - No settlement with the Kerrs."
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"I loved my shirt."
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"I really thought it would work."
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"I'm sorry. I really am..."
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"Yeah, maybe it was."
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"- You're a whale! - You're a tarantula!"
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"You never used language like that to me before!"
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"- You never tried to shoot me before. - Settle down."
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"Now, pipe down, or I'm gonna turn Bull loose to kick some butt."
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"Try to look menacing."
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"Good."
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"All right, everybody sit down."
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"Now, I thought I sent you two away to work this thing out."
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"I tried to work things out with her, but she won't have none of it."
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"That's a damn lie!"
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"Hey, don't forget, Phil's the one that was shot at."
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"All right. All right, I want no more shouting from the gallery."
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"Do I make myself clear?"
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"Yes, the man in the back in the bathrobe."
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"Are "oohs" and "aahs" okay?"
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"- They're fine. - Thank you."
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"- Have we started? - Can I have the Kerr file, please?"
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"All right. Listen up, folks."
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"It seems that there are those..."
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"...who feel that I am not fit to be a judge."
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"It seems that there are those who think I'm crazy."
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"Well, frankly..."
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"...I just don't know."
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"- Your Honor... - Miss Wagner."
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"Why, it's a coin."
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"- Oh, my God. - Why, it's the coin of justice."
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"Heads, I stay a judge, tails, I resign."
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"Heads. I'm still a judge."
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"Now, Phil..."
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"...it says there that you've been married 27 years. Is that right?"
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"- Yes, sir. - Twenty-seven years. Jeez..."
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"...must have been a living hell, huh? - Yeah."
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"Wait, let me guess. You two haven't had that much to say to each other recently?"
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"...to the other woman."
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"It's a living."
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"Crime: Solicitation."
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"- Heads, I just fine you, tails, you go to jail. - Wait."
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"Could be yours too."
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"Your Honor, I must protest for the record."
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"What?"
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"Was it happy? I mean, did you laugh a lot as a youngster?"
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"- I don't want to answer. - I don't wanna fine you for contempt."
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"- I didn't laugh a lot. - Thank you."
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"Does anyone understand what I'm trying to do here?"
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"Miss Wagner."
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"- Bull. - I don't know what the hell's going on."
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"I'm talking."
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"Talking. You talk to people."
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"You talk, you find out about them."
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"Maybe you reveal a little bit about yourself in the process."
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"You go inside their head. You find out what their dreams are..."
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"...what their hopes are."
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