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Clips from Scrubs - My Brother, Where Art Thou? (S03E03)

Dr Brogan will be suspended without pay for one week,

"Dr Brogan will be suspended without pay for one week,"

Scrubs

but he gets to run around in my backyard wearing a foam suit

"but he gets to run around in my backyard wearing a foam suit"

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so I can see if my dog Baxter's attack classes were worth the money.

"so I can see if my dog Baxter's attack classes were worth the money."

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- Is my message clear? - Absolutely, sir.

"- Is my message clear? - Absolutely, sir."

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I just got the offer. But I'd make more money than I do now in an ambulance.

"I just got the offer. But I'd make more money than I do now in an ambulance."

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...ride around in an ambulance.

"...ride around in an ambulance."

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I heard there's a bed in the on-call room. Ever get hot and heavy in there?

"I heard there's a bed in the on-call room. Ever get hot and heavy in there?"

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- Usually I'm in there by myself. - So yes.

"- Usually I'm in there by myself. - So yes."

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My buddy Wayne lives a couple of miles upstate.

"My buddy Wayne lives a couple of miles upstate."

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- I'm gonna be taking off tonight. - Thank God. Dr Cox.

"- I'm gonna be taking off tonight. - Thank God. Dr Cox."

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- You remember my brother Dan? - What do you say, Coxy?

"- You remember my brother Dan? - What do you say, Coxy?"

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- This is my boss. - You know what a boss is?

"- This is my boss. - You know what a boss is?"

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Dan was wondering if he could trail with us today.

"Dan was wondering if he could trail with us today."

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Good God, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you.

"Good God, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you."

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Never, not in a million years, absolutely not,

"Never, not in a million years, absolutely not,"

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- I just wanna say thank you. - Hold the phone.

"- I just wanna say thank you. - Hold the phone."

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Yes, I took it. But it pays better.

"Yes, I took it. But it pays better."

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This job is about helping women detect breast cancer and nothing more.

"This job is about helping women detect breast cancer and nothing more."

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Cool. What's the gig?

"Cool. What's the gig?"

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Looky here. Tell me, sir.

"Looky here. Tell me, sir."

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What brings Dr Dorian's favourite gomer back to the hospital?

"What brings Dr Dorian's favourite gomer back to the hospital?"

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- Pickles. - Fair enough.

"- Pickles. - Fair enough."

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What's a gomer?

"What's a gomer?"

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An old person that takes up a room and doesn't have the common decency to die.

"An old person that takes up a room and doesn't have the common decency to die."

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That's just rude is what that is.

"That's just rude is what that is."

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Not gonna be necessary. His temperature's below 100. Take him away.

"Not gonna be necessary. His temperature's below 100. Take him away."

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Sounds dark, but you gotta deal with this place any way you can.

"Sounds dark, but you gotta deal with this place any way you can."

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by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cos I might give you a jingle.

"by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cos I might give you a jingle."

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The dog. I don't know why, but all cats hate me.

"The dog. I don't know why, but all cats hate me."

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If I ever make eye contact with them, they freak out.

"If I ever make eye contact with them, they freak out."

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Well, well, well.

"Well, well, well."

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You all suck.

"You all suck."

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Well, Dan, what can I say? It's been three days.

"Well, Dan, what can I say? It's been three days."

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- Actually, I don't think I'm leaving. - Why?

"- Actually, I don't think I'm leaving. - Why?"

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the gomer talk and all the attitude, I'm not sure I like it.

"the gomer talk and all the attitude, I'm not sure I like it."

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- It's definitely not my little brother. - You know what?

"- It's definitely not my little brother. - You know what?"

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Once Dad left and Mom started marrying everyone that rang the doorbell,

"Once Dad left and Mom started marrying everyone that rang the doorbell,"

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I'm in love with a girl who's in love with someone else

"I'm in love with a girl who's in love with someone else"

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and you responded by drinking my Baileys Irish Cream

"and you responded by drinking my Baileys Irish Cream"

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and whining about Mom's boyfriend.

"and whining about Mom's boyfriend."

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and you wanna tell me what kind of person to be?

"and you wanna tell me what kind of person to be?"

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Instead, why don't you just get the hell out of my life?

"Instead, why don't you just get the hell out of my life?"

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But we're brothers. That counts for something, right?

"But we're brothers. That counts for something, right?"

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Not to me.

"Not to me."

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- How are your chocolate chip flapjacks? - Good.

"- How are your chocolate chip flapjacks? - Good."

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- More whipped cream, Christopher? - Bring it.

"- More whipped cream, Christopher? - Bring it."

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Johnny, I know I don't say this nearly enough, but...

"Johnny, I know I don't say this nearly enough, but..."

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I cannot afford to be suspended right now.

"I cannot afford to be suspended right now."

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- I'll have to resort to blackmail. - How we gonna blackmail Kelso?

"- I'll have to resort to blackmail. - How we gonna blackmail Kelso?"

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Unless you take the fall, I tell Turk you're sleeping with someone.

"Unless you take the fall, I tell Turk you're sleeping with someone."

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You saw nothing.

"You saw nothing."

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Thanks for loaning me this shirt. I got compliments from the sisters.

"Thanks for loaning me this shirt. I got compliments from the sisters."

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How many times I gotta tell you? Cracker: Bad.

"How many times I gotta tell you? Cracker: Bad."

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You don't get it, man. Your family was there for you.

"You don't get it, man. Your family was there for you."

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Kids of divorce swear they have the market cornered on family dysfunction.

"Kids of divorce swear they have the market cornered on family dysfunction."

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Let me share a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household.

"Let me share a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household."

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Mom yells at my sister for yelling at my grandmother,

"Mom yells at my sister for yelling at my grandmother,"

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gives Dad attitude for using the word "black", referring to the turkey,

"gives Dad attitude for using the word "black", referring to the turkey,"

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which got burnt when instead of turning the oven off,

"which got burnt when instead of turning the oven off,"

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my bipolar Aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it.

"my bipolar Aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it."

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But we kiss and we hug and we apologise for all the things we said,

"But we kiss and we hug and we apologise for all the things we said,"

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cos a month later we're gonna get together and do it again at Christmas.

"cos a month later we're gonna get together and do it again at Christmas."

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One nothing.

"One nothing."

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You're home now.

"You're home now."

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I paged Dr Kelso. Do you feel confident about this, Ted?

"I paged Dr Kelso. Do you feel confident about this, Ted?"

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One, two, three. What a boy.

"One, two, three. What a boy."

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Sir, about Nurse Espinoza and Dr Reid's suspensions,

"Sir, about Nurse Espinoza and Dr Reid's suspensions,"

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there aren't any grounds to punish them for moonlighting.

"there aren't any grounds to punish them for moonlighting."

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They weren't working with people, just animals.

"They weren't working with people, just animals."

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Baxter, sit.

"Baxter, sit."

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- Ted, you don't have to. - Shut up. I can win this.

"- Ted, you don't have to. - Shut up. I can win this."

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Baxter, speak.

"Baxter, speak."

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- Ted, speak. - Hello.

"- Ted, speak. - Hello."

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Baxter, left foot.

"Baxter, left foot."

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Ted, left hand.

"Ted, left hand."

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- Left hand, Ted. - Hello.

"- Left hand, Ted. - Hello."

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Baxter wins. He gets the desk. Baxter, go up.

"Baxter wins. He gets the desk. Baxter, go up."

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- I'm waiting for my brother. - Isn't that perfect?

"- I'm waiting for my brother. - Isn't that perfect?"

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- Emergency room? - That way.

"- Emergency room? - That way."

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- So you taking off? - Yeah.

"- So you taking off? - Yeah."

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I wanna apologise for everything I said.

"I wanna apologise for everything I said."

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- I really like having you around. - No, you don't.

"- I really like having you around. - No, you don't."

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- Why are you here? - My boyfriend is in New Zealand.

"- Why are you here? - My boyfriend is in New Zealand."

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If I don't moonlight, I'm never gonna see him.

"If I don't moonlight, I'm never gonna see him."

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My wedding's costing twice as much as I thought, and I need the cash.

"My wedding's costing twice as much as I thought, and I need the cash."

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Baxter won't get out of my chair.

"Baxter won't get out of my chair."

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Even though we're understaffed and underpaid,

"Even though we're understaffed and underpaid,"

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I've been working here for ten years.

"I've been working here for ten years."

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All day long, all I hear is, "Carla, Carla, Carla."

"All day long, all I hear is, "Carla, Carla, Carla.""

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Sir, what Carla is saying,

"Sir, what Carla is saying,"

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and not in any kind of crazy or rambling sort of way,

"and not in any kind of crazy or rambling sort of way,"

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is we work hard here, but it's not the only thing in our lives.

"is we work hard here, but it's not the only thing in our lives."

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Get out of my office before I change my mind.

"Get out of my office before I change my mind."

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For 25 years, we've been going through the motions.

"For 25 years, we've been going through the motions."

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Once every few weeks we have sex, and then breakfast without saying a word.

"Once every few weeks we have sex, and then breakfast without saying a word."

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I'm gonna take you to dinner and start telling you

"I'm gonna take you to dinner and start telling you"

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all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years.

"all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years."

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That was beautiful, sir.

"That was beautiful, sir."

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Thanks, Ted. Call my wife. Tell her I won't be home tonight.

"Thanks, Ted. Call my wife. Tell her I won't be home tonight."

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Here I'd been told you left. It made me happy.

"Here I'd been told you left. It made me happy."

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You don't like me. People don't like me. You know why? I'm a screw-up.

"You don't like me. People don't like me. You know why? I'm a screw-up."

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Always have been. Ever since we were kids.

"Always have been. Ever since we were kids."

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I had to walk Johnny to school first day every year.

"I had to walk Johnny to school first day every year."

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Boy, that's a great story. Really.

"Boy, that's a great story. Really."

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And I'm sure you were a horrible big brother.

"And I'm sure you were a horrible big brother."

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For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his deathbed.

"For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his deathbed."

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Listen, no offence.

"Listen, no offence."

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Yet somehow you've found a way to beat that out of him.

"Yet somehow you've found a way to beat that out of him."

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Johnny's never gonna look up to me.

"Johnny's never gonna look up to me."

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Ever. But he hangs on your every word.

"Ever. But he hangs on your every word."

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So I'm asking, I'm telling you, take that responsibility seriously,

"So I'm asking, I'm telling you, take that responsibility seriously,"

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It was good seeing you, Dr Cox.

"It was good seeing you, Dr Cox."

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Love can also give you courage.

"Love can also give you courage."

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Mr Pickles, welcome back.

"Mr Pickles, welcome back."

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I wouldn't trade it. What about you?

"I wouldn't trade it. What about you?"

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- Pickles. - Damn right, sir.

"- Pickles. - Damn right, sir."

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What would you like with your sandwich?

"What would you like with your sandwich?"

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I called my brother.

"I called my brother."

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and how worldly he is.

"and how worldly he is."

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You just need to find a place where you're not so self-conscious.

"You just need to find a place where you're not so self-conscious."

Scrubs

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