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Clips from Modern Family - Pilot (S01E01)

"No. No. No. Cam, I'm calling them right now and canceling."
Modern Family
"And you do have avoidance issues. Even Longinus said so."
Modern Family
"Are- Are you really not hearing these names?"
Modern Family
"Hey. Dylan. Yeah. I'm Haley's mother."
Modern Family
"Hey. Mm-hmm."
Modern Family
"Come on. Let's go. [Clears Throat] Okay. Um-"
Modern Family
"Hang on one second. Um- Whoa."
Modern Family
"Dylan, you're still in high school?"
Modern Family
"Yeah, I'm a senior. A senior. Okay. Cool."
Modern Family
"Hey, Phil. Sweetie. Honey. He is Dylan, and he is a senior."
Modern Family
"[Whispers] You have to scare him."
Modern Family
"Let me meet this "playa.""
Modern Family
"Phil Dunphy, yo."
Modern Family
"It's like that. You just- You just stare down at 'em,"
Modern Family
"Your mouth might be saying, "Hey, we cool,""
Modern Family
"but your eyes are like, "No, we not.""
Modern Family
""Nice to meet you." "No, it's not.""
Modern Family
""It's all good.""
Modern Family
"[Mutters]"
Modern Family
"Okay, I see you two guys- Wait, wait, wait."
Modern Family
"You two-"
Modern Family
"You two keep it real, know what I mean, son?"
Modern Family
"Not really."
Modern Family
"Please, stop. That's cool."
Modern Family
"Ow. Oh, God! That's my back. Oh, honey. Sweetheart."
Modern Family
"Ow! Oh! I slipped in the baby oil."
Modern Family
""Oh, where you from originally?""
Modern Family
""I could defeat you if it came to a physical confrontation.""
Modern Family
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I don't know about this. Should I call a doctor?"
Modern Family
"No, no, no, no, no. Okay."
Modern Family
"You're very strong, homes. Thanks."
Modern Family
"Okay. I am on my side though. Okay, let's go. Come on."
Modern Family
"So just flip me right back, and we're good. [Sighs]"
Modern Family
"I just need to get flipped right on my back, and we should be fine. So-"
Modern Family
"Brenda Feldman."
Modern Family
"What is that? A poem I have written for Brenda Feldman."
Modern Family
"- Of course it is. - I put my thoughts into words and now my words into action."
Modern Family
"What are you gonna do with a 16-year-old?"
Modern Family
"He's like a bullfighter. Mmm. You ever see a bullfight?"
Modern Family
"- I can't watch this. - You're in such a bad mood."
Modern Family
"And I know why. It's because that man thought you were my father."
Modern Family
"No. Yes."
Modern Family
"No. When you say "No" like that, it's always "Yes.""
Modern Family
"Come on. We're in the mall. Let's get you, like, some younger clothes."
Modern Family
"There's a store there. I don't need any younger clothes."
Modern Family
"Good. You shouldn't."
Modern Family
"You should only care what I think."
Modern Family
"The only reason I'm hard on Manny..."
Modern Family
"is just because I don't wanna see him make a fool of himself."
Modern Family
"And I can smell that hair goo of his from here."
Modern Family
"Look, I don't know what's gonna happen to him over there."
Modern Family
"But you're his family now, and that means only one thing-"
Modern Family
"You be the wind in his back, not the spit in his face."
Modern Family
"What? It's something my mom always says."
Modern Family
"It's gorgeous in Spanish. Look, he's there."
Modern Family
"She has a boyfriend. Oh, I'm sorry, mi niño."
Modern Family
"I gave her my heart,"
Modern Family
"she gave me a picture of me as an old-time sheriff."
Modern Family
"Oh."
Modern Family
"That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it? No, mi amor."
Modern Family
"It was brave. Right, Jay? Brave."
Modern Family
"W-Well, you'll know better next time."
Modern Family
"Come on. Let's get a pretzel."
Modern Family
"Mentira. A mí sí me gusta."
Modern Family
"Uh, excuse me, sir. We ask that all mall-walkers stay to the right."
Modern Family
"[Haley] Alex, get out! Mom!"
Modern Family
"Alex, leave your sister alone."
Modern Family
"I was just getting my book. Gosh."
Modern Family
"I know, sweetie. But you need to respect their privacy."
Modern Family
"What are they doing up there? Nothing."
Modern Family
"Okay. Okay."
Modern Family
"Um, I'm making a cake for tonight. You wanna help me with the frosting?"
Modern Family
"Sure."
Modern Family
"would you ever pretend she has mono for a few months,"
Modern Family
"and then, like, tell everyone the baby's yours?"
Modern Family
"What? This senior at school was "out sick" for four months,"
Modern Family
"but Jenna Resnick swears she saw her breast-feeding at a coin-op car wash."
Modern Family
"[Sighs]"
Modern Family
"Buddy, what are you wearing?"
Modern Family
"- Nothing. - Uh-uh. No jacket."
Modern Family
"One hat. How many pairs of underwear do you have on?"
Modern Family
"One. [Sighs] Six."
Modern Family
"First of all, it would be really cool to see Haley that fat."
Modern Family
"And how awesome would it be to have a fake little brother who's really my nephew."
Modern Family
"Haley is not getting pregnant. [Clears Throat]"
Modern Family
"Just saying "if." I know."
Modern Family
"I know. I was just like her when I was-"
Modern Family
"I want you to know, I'm not enjoying this."
Modern Family
"But this is an important lesson that you're learning."
Modern Family
"So, soak it. Keep it."
Modern Family
"[Clearing Throat]"
Modern Family
"You're too close. It's gonna hurt."
Modern Family
"It's supposed to hurt."
Modern Family
"- And why are you smiling? - I'm- What?"
Modern Family
"Oh, forget it. I can't do this."
Modern Family
"The point is you're scared. I think you've learned your lesson."
Modern Family
"[Shoots] Wow."
Modern Family
"Ow!"
Modern Family
"Mom! What are you doing?"
Modern Family
"Oh, hey! I was just, um, dropping off some laundry."
Modern Family
"- Is this a bad time? - Yeah."
Modern Family
"Oh. Okay."
Modern Family
"Why?"
Modern Family
"Because I have, uh, seen this little show before-"
Modern Family
"lying on the bed with a tall senior."
Modern Family
"Whoa. Mom!"
Modern Family
"- [Whimpering] You hit my bone! - It was an accident!"
Modern Family
"- I thought you were my friend! - I am your friend."
Modern Family
"Dad! Dad, Dad. You have got to talk to Mom."
Modern Family
"She is, like, completely freaking out and embarrassing me!"
Modern Family
"Honey, your mom isn't always as cool about things as-"
Modern Family
"- [Shoots] - Ow!"
Modern Family
"What is with this thing?"
Modern Family
"My dad. Uh, my dad still isn't completely comfortable with this."
Modern Family
"Um- He-He still does this thing. It's been five years now."
Modern Family
"And he still does this thing where he announces himself..."
Modern Family
"before walking into any room we're in..."
Modern Family
"just to make sure he doesn't have to ever see us kiss."
Modern Family
"Wish my mother had that system."
Modern Family
"Remember? Not now."
Modern Family
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