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Clips from Please Like Me - All You Can Eat (S01E01)

I've figured out how to do all the "about me" stuff

"I've figured out how to do all the "about me" stuff"

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and I don't know how to put the goddamn picture there.

"and I don't know how to put the goddamn picture there."

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Ok.

"Ok."

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"Mother of one boy and one dog."

""Mother of one boy and one dog.""

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And that's your... that's your headline?

"And that's your... that's your headline?"

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Yeah, that's who I am.

"Yeah, that's who I am."

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It's not very alluring, though, is it?

"It's not very alluring, though, is it?"

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Well, I don't know.

"Well, I don't know."

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I just think maybe you should put something, like, snappy and fun.

"I just think maybe you should put something, like, snappy and fun."

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Do you know what I mean?

"Do you know what I mean?"

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Like, "Hello, boys!"

"Like, "Hello, boys!""

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Ok, not that. But just something, you know, fun?

"Ok, not that. But just something, you know, fun?"

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- Yeah, but it should be honest, though. - Honesty's good.

"- Yeah, but it should be honest, though. - Honesty's good."

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That's good. What's something honestly fun about you?

"That's good. What's something honestly fun about you?"

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I guess we'll just come back to it.

"I guess we'll just come back to it."

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I will find out who did this.

"I will find out who did this."

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Hello. This is Niamh. I'm not available at the moment.

"Hello. This is Niamh. I'm not available at the moment."

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Just leave me a glorious message.

"Just leave me a glorious message."

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It's Tom.

"It's Tom."

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Love you.

"Love you."

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This guy says his ideal date is a nice dinner overlooking the ocean,

"This guy says his ideal date is a nice dinner overlooking the ocean,"

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- Why no fish and chips? - I don't know. Is that a problem?

"- Why no fish and chips? - I don't know. Is that a problem?"

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Do you need a man who likes fish and chips?

"Do you need a man who likes fish and chips?"

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- Oh, just send him a thing. - A kiss?

"- Oh, just send him a thing. - A kiss?"

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Well, I don't know. Am I?

"Well, I don't know. Am I?"

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No more than is normal, I don't think.

"No more than is normal, I don't think."

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Well, send him a thing too.

"Well, send him a thing too."

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- Well, that sounds nice. - Everyone likes a laugh.

"- Well, that sounds nice. - Everyone likes a laugh."

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Who doesn't like a laugh? Doesn't make you special.

"Who doesn't like a laugh? Doesn't make you special."

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Oh, just send him a thing.

"Oh, just send him a thing."

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- What was that? - Someone wants to chat to you.

"- What was that? - Someone wants to chat to you."

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What do we do? Oh, my Lord, an actual person's chatting to us.

"What do we do? Oh, my Lord, an actual person's chatting to us."

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Well, say hi.

"Well, say hi."

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No, this has gone too far.

"No, this has gone too far."

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I'm not pretending to be my mother talking to strange men on the internet.

"I'm not pretending to be my mother talking to strange men on the internet."

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- Josh, time to go. Come on, let's go. - Where do you wanna go?

"- Josh, time to go. Come on, let's go. - Where do you wanna go?"

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Well, I'm not going to stand around here for days being humiliated

"Well, I'm not going to stand around here for days being humiliated"

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while I try and work out who did this thing to me.

"while I try and work out who did this thing to me."

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Come on, come on, come on.

"Come on, come on, come on."

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Coming.

"Coming."

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Ah, bugger!

"Ah, bugger!"

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Oh, I'm gonna be fine. I've been driving for over 50 years.

"Oh, I'm gonna be fine. I've been driving for over 50 years."

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Yeah? No, you'll be good, yeah.

"Yeah? No, you'll be good, yeah."

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Maybe you just need to relax a little.

"Maybe you just need to relax a little."

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I am relaxed.

"I am relaxed."

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Ok. Alright. Did you bring your phone?

"Ok. Alright. Did you bring your phone?"

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I'm having coffee with Dad. Maybe you can call me when you're done.

"I'm having coffee with Dad. Maybe you can call me when you're done."

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I... I never said you were, Peg.

"I... I never said you were, Peg."

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I really didn't.

"I really didn't."

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- What are you doing? - I'm just giving you a kiss goodbye.

"- What are you doing? - I'm just giving you a kiss goodbye."

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You've never done that before. Not since you were a little...

"You've never done that before. Not since you were a little..."

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You patronising little shit!

"You patronising little shit!"

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Hey, um... just wondering...

"Hey, um... just wondering..."

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I thought you were gonna come over.

"I thought you were gonna come over."

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I thought you were gonna come over and talk about this...

"I thought you were gonna come over and talk about this..."

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... about the thing.

"... about the thing."

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Um, maybe your phone's flat or something.

"Um, maybe your phone's flat or something."

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I left you some Facebook messages in case.

"I left you some Facebook messages in case."

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Just...

"Just..."

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Bye.

"Bye."

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How's your mother?

"How's your mother?"

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Yep, good. She seems happy.

"Yep, good. She seems happy."

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Have you got her doing things? She has to get up and do things.

"Have you got her doing things? She has to get up and do things."

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Yeah, Dad, she started internet dating today.

"Yeah, Dad, she started internet dating today."

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- Is that safe? - Yeah.

"- Is that safe? - Yeah."

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Yeah, it's safe.

"Yeah, it's safe."

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Really? She's gonna meet men off the internet?

"Really? She's gonna meet men off the internet?"

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I think that's... I think that's the general point.

"I think that's... I think that's the general point."

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- Isn't that a bit uncool? - No, Dad. People do that these days.

"- Isn't that a bit uncool? - No, Dad. People do that these days."

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Yeah, but she wouldn't meet them at their house, would she?

"Yeah, but she wouldn't meet them at their house, would she?"

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I don't know.

"I don't know."

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I didn't ask her where she was planning on meeting the men.

"I didn't ask her where she was planning on meeting the men."

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I hope not at the house.

"I hope not at the house."

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How much does it cost?

"How much does it cost?"

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- _ - Sounds dodgy.

"- _ - Sounds dodgy."

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It's fine.

"It's fine."

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"_"

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Um, how would you feel if I moved to Thailand?

"Um, how would you feel if I moved to Thailand?"

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Are you moving to Thailand? Are you telling me you're moving to Thailand?

"Are you moving to Thailand? Are you telling me you're moving to Thailand?"

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I don't know yet. But Mae wants to move back.

"I don't know yet. But Mae wants to move back."

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Does it mean that sometimes you'd pay for me to fly to Thailand?

"Does it mean that sometimes you'd pay for me to fly to Thailand?"

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Yeah, if you like.

"Yeah, if you like."

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That's a shame.

"That's a shame."

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Hi, Peg. Yeah, we're just down the road.

"Hi, Peg. Yeah, we're just down the road."

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Ok. Yes.

"Ok. Yes."

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Ok. Ok, bye. Yep.

"Ok. Ok, bye. Yep."

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In the sea.

"In the sea."

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- What? - Plenty of fish in the sea.

"- What? - Plenty of fish in the sea."

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Yeah. That's why they call the website... yeah.

"Yeah. That's why they call the website... yeah."

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Hey, Aunty Peg.

"Hey, Aunty Peg."

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How'd it go?

"How'd it go?"

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Oh.

"Oh."

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Ok.

"Ok."

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Are you gonna open the goddamn car

"Are you gonna open the goddamn car"

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or are we going to have some sort of car park party?

"or are we going to have some sort of car park party?"

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Yep.

"Yep."

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Jesus shit!

"Jesus shit!"

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♪ It's time to begin, I'll count you in! ♪

"♪ It's time to begin, I'll count you in! ♪"

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♪ My bootscootin' baby is drivin' me crazy... ♪

"♪ My bootscootin' baby is drivin' me crazy... ♪"

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Oh, what's that? The car's slowing down!

"Oh, what's that? The car's slowing down!"

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Peg, it doesn't seem to be responding that well to my singing.

"Peg, it doesn't seem to be responding that well to my singing."

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- Oh, no! Oh, what's that? - Don't be silly.

"- Oh, no! Oh, what's that? - Don't be silly."

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It says it'll only speed up if you... if you start singing.

"It says it'll only speed up if you... if you start singing."

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- I'm not singing. - Oh, well, we're in a pickle.

"- I'm not singing. - Oh, well, we're in a pickle."

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We're in a pickle. Come on, you used to love this.

"We're in a pickle. Come on, you used to love this."

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Ok.

"Ok."

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I never liked them.

"I never liked them."

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And your uncle only pretended to like them because you liked them.

"And your uncle only pretended to like them because you liked them."

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Then he died.

"Then he died."

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He didn't like them?

"He didn't like them?"

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No. All he liked about them was that I hated them.

"No. All he liked about them was that I hated them."

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I can't believe Uncle Walter didn't like Steps.

"I can't believe Uncle Walter didn't like Steps."

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How could anyone like them?

"How could anyone like them?"

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- Josh? - What?

"- Josh? - What?"

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John, hide your shame!

"John, hide your shame!"

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Hide your shame! Don't you ever knock, woman?

"Hide your shame! Don't you ever knock, woman?"

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Stop being silly. We're going on a date tonight.

"Stop being silly. We're going on a date tonight."

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Oh, wow. Gosh, that was fast.

"Oh, wow. Gosh, that was fast."

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- Yeah, what else am I doing? - That's a good point.

"- Yeah, what else am I doing? - That's a good point."

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Well, isn't this exciting? I haven't been on a date forever.

"Well, isn't this exciting? I haven't been on a date forever."

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