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Clips from Seinfeld - The Ex-Girlfriend (S02E02)

...we would stop and chat a little bit. Nothing much. Little pleasantries.

"...we would stop and chat a little bit. Nothing much. Little pleasantries."

Seinfeld

...no more stopping, just saying hello and continuing on our way.

"...no more stopping, just saying hello and continuing on our way."

Seinfeld

...he doesn't nod.

"...he doesn't nod."

Seinfeld

Like I don't exist?

"Like I don't exist?"

Seinfeld

He went from nods to nothing.

"He went from nods to nothing."

Seinfeld

I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing.

"I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing."

Seinfeld

A relationship is an organism.

"A relationship is an organism."

Seinfeld

You created this thing...

"You created this thing..."

Seinfeld

...and then you starved it, so it turned against you.

"...and then you starved it, so it turned against you."

Seinfeld

- Would you do that? - lf I was a different person.

"- Would you do that? - lf I was a different person."

Seinfeld

Hello, is Glen there?

"Hello, is Glen there?"

Seinfeld

I'm sorry. Is this 805-555-3234?

"I'm sorry. Is this 805-555-3234?"

Seinfeld

Come on up.

"Come on up."

Seinfeld

If you'd answered me, I wouldn't have had to do this.

"If you'd answered me, I wouldn't have had to do this."

Seinfeld

Why? Why do they just hang up like that?

"Why? Why do they just hang up like that?"

Seinfeld

- Taste this. - No, I just had a sandwich.

"- Taste this. - No, I just had a sandwich."

Seinfeld

- No, taste it. - I don't want cantaloupe now.

"- No, taste it. - I don't want cantaloupe now."

Seinfeld

- You never had it like this before. - I only eat cantaloupe...

"- You never had it like this before. - I only eat cantaloupe..."

Seinfeld

- Jerry, this is great cantaloupe. - All right.

"- Jerry, this is great cantaloupe. - All right."

Seinfeld

That's practically half than what you pay at the supermarket.

"That's practically half than what you pay at the supermarket."

Seinfeld

It's too far.

"It's too far."

Seinfeld

I'm not pulling a shopping cart.

"I'm not pulling a shopping cart."

Seinfeld

Am I supposed to wear a kerchief...

"Am I supposed to wear a kerchief..."

Seinfeld

...put stockings on rolled below my knee?

"...put stockings on rolled below my knee?"

Seinfeld

Fruit's a gamble.

"Fruit's a gamble."

Seinfeld

I know that going in.

"I know that going in."

Seinfeld

I did it! It's over.

"I did it! It's over."

Seinfeld

- You did it? What happened? - I told her, in the kitchen.

"- You did it? What happened? - I told her, in the kitchen."

Seinfeld

Which was risky, because it's near all the knives.

"Which was risky, because it's near all the knives."

Seinfeld

I started with the word listen. I said:

"I started with the word listen. I said:"

Seinfeld

Listen, Marlene. The next thing I know, I'm in the middle of it.

"Listen, Marlene. The next thing I know, I'm in the middle of it."

Seinfeld

There's this voice inside me going, You're doing it.

"There's this voice inside me going, You're doing it."

Seinfeld

Then she started to cry, and I weakened a little bit.

"Then she started to cry, and I weakened a little bit."

Seinfeld

I almost relented, but the voice, Jerry, the voice said:

"I almost relented, but the voice, Jerry, the voice said:"

Seinfeld

Keep going. Keep going. You're almost out.

"Keep going. Keep going. You're almost out."

Seinfeld

I'm heading for the wall.

"I'm heading for the wall."

Seinfeld

And I trip and twist my ankle and they throw that light on you. You know?

"And I trip and twist my ankle and they throw that light on you. You know?"

Seinfeld

Then the cursing started.

"Then the cursing started."

Seinfeld

She's firing at me from the guard towers.

"She's firing at me from the guard towers."

Seinfeld

Son of a... Bang! Son of a... Boom!

"Son of a... Bang! Son of a... Boom!"

Seinfeld

...I open it up, I'm one foot away.

"...I open it up, I'm one foot away."

Seinfeld

Could you stop that smacking?

"Could you stop that smacking?"

Seinfeld

George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe.

"George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe."

Seinfeld

- Jerry, tell him how good it is. - Very good cantaloupe.

"- Jerry, tell him how good it is. - Very good cantaloupe."

Seinfeld

So that's it. You're out.

"So that's it. You're out."

Seinfeld

Except for one small problem.

"Except for one small problem."

Seinfeld

No, I can't go back there. Jerry, it's so awkward.

"No, I can't go back there. Jerry, it's so awkward."

Seinfeld

So forget about the books.

"So forget about the books."

Seinfeld

- Did you read them? - Well, yeah.

"- Did you read them? - Well, yeah."

Seinfeld

What do you need them for?

"What do you need them for?"

Seinfeld

They put them in their houses like they're trophies.

"They put them in their houses like they're trophies."

Seinfeld

So you want me to get the books, is that it?

"So you want me to get the books, is that it?"

Seinfeld

...and everyone's standing around the pool with little drinks in their hands.

"...and everyone's standing around the pool with little drinks in their hands."

Seinfeld

I was wearing my old jeans and T-shirt.

"I was wearing my old jeans and T-shirt."

Seinfeld

I don't know, I was just in one of those moods...

"I don't know, I was just in one of those moods..."

Seinfeld

...so I said to myself, Marlene, just do it. And I jumped in.

"...so I said to myself, Marlene, just do it. And I jumped in."

Seinfeld

As I'm getting out, I feel all these eyes on me.

"As I'm getting out, I feel all these eyes on me."

Seinfeld

So I look up, and everyone is just staring at me.

"So I look up, and everyone is just staring at me."

Seinfeld

Well, nothing. It's no skin off my hide if people like to look.

"Well, nothing. It's no skin off my hide if people like to look."

Seinfeld

I just didn't see what the big attraction was.

"I just didn't see what the big attraction was."

Seinfeld

Well, I have a general idea what it was.

"Well, I have a general idea what it was."

Seinfeld

I could take a guess.

"I could take a guess."

Seinfeld

Hey, you know, Jerry...

"Hey, you know, Jerry..."

Seinfeld

...just because George and I don't see each other...

"...just because George and I don't see each other..."

Seinfeld

...doesn't mean we shouldn't stay friends.

"...doesn't mean we shouldn't stay friends."

Seinfeld

No.

"No."

Seinfeld

Good enough. I'm really glad we got that settled.

"Good enough. I'm really glad we got that settled."

Seinfeld

Great.

"Great."

Seinfeld

I don't know how this happened.

"I don't know how this happened."

Seinfeld

Jerry, it's not my fault.

"Jerry, it's not my fault."

Seinfeld

Have you reread those books yet, by the way?

"Have you reread those books yet, by the way?"

Seinfeld

The great thing, when you read Moby Dick the second time...

"The great thing, when you read Moby Dick the second time..."

Seinfeld

...Ahab and the whale become good friends.

"...Ahab and the whale become good friends."

Seinfeld

It's not like Marlene's a bad person or anything...

"It's not like Marlene's a bad person or anything..."

Seinfeld

...and she never stops calling.

"...and she never stops calling."

Seinfeld

And it's those meaningless, purposeless, blather calls.

"And it's those meaningless, purposeless, blather calls."

Seinfeld

She never asks if I'm busy or anything.

"She never asks if I'm busy or anything."

Seinfeld

Has she left you a message...

"Has she left you a message..."

Seinfeld

...where she uses up the whole machine?

"...where she uses up the whole machine?"

Seinfeld

...I don't know sometimes. - Know sometimes.

"...I don't know sometimes. - Know sometimes."

Seinfeld

What about trying to get off the phone?

"What about trying to get off the phone?"

Seinfeld

You can't. It's impossible.

"You can't. It's impossible."

Seinfeld

You know, it just goes on and on without a break in the wall.

"You know, it just goes on and on without a break in the wall."

Seinfeld

I mean, I've gotta put a stop to this.

"I mean, I've gotta put a stop to this."

Seinfeld

Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion. Right off!

"Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion. Right off!"

Seinfeld

- Don't you think? - Yeah.

"- Don't you think? - Yeah."

Seinfeld

Yeah, she is.

"Yeah, she is."

Seinfeld

- Mr. Costanza? - Yeah?

"- Mr. Costanza? - Yeah?"

Seinfeld

The doctor will see you now.

"The doctor will see you now."

Seinfeld

Yeah. Doctor.

"Yeah. Doctor."

Seinfeld

I better take this.

"I better take this."

Seinfeld

Oh, hello, doctor.

"Oh, hello, doctor."

Seinfeld

Waiting room. I hate when they make you wait in the room.

"Waiting room. I hate when they make you wait in the room."

Seinfeld

Because it says waiting room.

"Because it says waiting room."

Seinfeld

There's no chance of not waiting...

"There's no chance of not waiting..."

Seinfeld

You sit there and you got your little magazine.

"You sit there and you got your little magazine."

Seinfeld

I wonder what he's got.

"I wonder what he's got."

Seinfeld

Then they finally call you, and it's a very exciting moment.

"Then they finally call you, and it's a very exciting moment."

Seinfeld

You stand up and kind of look around at the other people.

"You stand up and kind of look around at the other people."

Seinfeld

Well, I guess I've been chosen.

"Well, I guess I've been chosen."

Seinfeld

I'll see you all later.

"I'll see you all later."

Seinfeld

You think you're gonna see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No.

"You think you're gonna see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No."

Seinfeld

The littler waiting room.

"The littler waiting room."

Seinfeld

But if they are doing some sort of medical thing to you...

"But if they are doing some sort of medical thing to you..."

Seinfeld

You ever see these operating theatres that they have...

"You ever see these operating theatres that they have..."

Seinfeld

...that makes other doctors go, I have to see this.

"...that makes other doctors go, I have to see this."

Seinfeld

Are you kidding? Are they gonna really do that to him?

"Are you kidding? Are they gonna really do that to him?"

Seinfeld

Are there seats? Can we get in?

"Are there seats? Can we get in?"

Seinfeld

Do they scalp tickets to these things?

"Do they scalp tickets to these things?"

Seinfeld

I got two for the Winslow tumour. I got two.

"I got two for the Winslow tumour. I got two."

Seinfeld

So how was it?

"So how was it?"

Seinfeld

Touch this, feel that. 75 bucks.

"Touch this, feel that. 75 bucks."

Seinfeld

Well, it's a first visit.

"Well, it's a first visit."

Seinfeld

I'm only paying half.

"I'm only paying half."

Seinfeld

- You can't do that. - Why not?

"- You can't do that. - Why not?"

Seinfeld

He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says.

"He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says."

Seinfeld

You feeling weird?

"You feeling weird?"

Seinfeld

No.

"No."

Seinfeld

- Nothing really happened. - Yeah.

"- Nothing really happened. - Yeah."

Seinfeld

We just kissed a little.

"We just kissed a little."

Seinfeld

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