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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Avocado Crisis (S01E01)

"- So now I'm gonna, like, bite"
Mr. Mayor
"these wet-ass pickles. [crunches]"
Mr. Mayor
"- How does Tommy fall asleep to this?"
Mr. Mayor
"This is not relaxing."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm irritated and turned on and kind of hungry."
Mr. Mayor
"- Et cetera."
Mr. Mayor
"- Ugh!"
Mr. Mayor
"[sighs]"
Mr. Mayor
"[quirky music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Alexa, why can't I sleep?"
Mr. Mayor
"- According to Mayo Clinic, insomnia is usually caused"
Mr. Mayor
"by depression, stress, or anxiety, lack of exercise--"
Mr. Mayor
"- Alexa, stop."
Mr. Mayor
"Thank you."
Mr. Mayor
"Alexa,"
Mr. Mayor
"call Scary McTinybird."
Mr. Mayor
"- Calling Scary McTinybird's mobile."
Mr. Mayor
"[line rings]"
Mr. Mayor
"[cell phone ringing]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Ms. Shaw, what a pleasant surprise."
Mr. Mayor
"Unless this is a kidnapper"
Mr. Mayor
"using Ms. Shaw's telephone to demand a ransom,"
Mr. Mayor
"in which case, I will not negotiate."
Mr. Mayor
"You can go ahead and kill her."
Mr. Mayor
"- Um, no, no, it's me."
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, I hope I'm not calling too late?"
Mr. Mayor
"- If it's city business, it's never too late."
Mr. Mayor
"What can I do you for?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Well, I was thinking now that I have"
Mr. Mayor
"a baseline understanding of what a borings is,"
Mr. Mayor
"I was thinking you could go more in-depth?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Depth? [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"Borings are all about depth."
Mr. Mayor
"Man, you are funny."
Mr. Mayor
"Zing!"
Mr. Mayor
"Now, I wish you were here to see this soil sample,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I'll describe it to ya."
Mr. Mayor
"Brown,"
Mr. Mayor
"light brown, dark brown."
Mr. Mayor
"[gasps] The first brown again."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh. Hello, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"Mrs. Baby Sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- Orly's spending the day here."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, my school's closed"
Mr. Mayor
"'cause they ordered a bunch of avocado fish for the salad bar,"
Mr. Mayor
"but it turns out you can't transport them dead."
Mr. Mayor
"- Because they harden."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, the city's been very up-front about that."
Mr. Mayor
"- Did the city know that they could crawl short distances?"
Mr. Mayor
"'Cause one of them got in the pool and laid eggs."
Mr. Mayor
"- Fine, the avocado fish was a bad idea, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"- This cannot be how you end your first 100 days, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- "Eel Bummer"?"
Mr. Mayor
"Inside, they did a really good job"
Mr. Mayor
"of photoshopping the creature from "Shape of Water"--"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, no."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, they made you the mute lady."
Mr. Mayor
"Gosh, he is really giving it to you."
Mr. Mayor
"- This is the kind of problem"
Mr. Mayor
"that I have been solving my entire life."
Mr. Mayor
"I just don't know how to truck-drive my way out of this."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, my God, what is that smell?"
Mr. Mayor
"- There are protesters outside throwing monkeyface eel."
Mr. Mayor
"Fun fact: the avocado fish"
Mr. Mayor
"exclusively eats the feces of other fish."
Mr. Mayor
"- Jayden, get Adolphus Hass on the phone."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, I think that's the right call, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"We subsidize-- - Please leave."
Mr. Mayor
"You smell like the bathroom at a ferry terminal."
Mr. Mayor
"- I know, sir. I'm so sorry."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"- [gasps]"
Mr. Mayor
"."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, Ms. Shaw? - [screams]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Do you have a moment? - Of course, always."
Mr. Mayor
"- I don't know if you realized this,"
Mr. Mayor
"but you fell asleep last night while I was talking to you."
Mr. Mayor
"- Me did?"
Mr. Mayor
"[scoffs] Are you sure?"
Mr. Mayor
"[snores] - Ms. Shaw?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No, Cardi B, don't hurt that pickle with your nails."
Mr. Mayor
"It's a cucumber's baby."
Mr. Mayor
"[farts]"
Mr. Mayor
"That was a chair."
Mr. Mayor
"- It happens. Our bodies betray us sometimes."
Mr. Mayor
"I pee a little when I laugh, so needless to say,"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm very concerned about this "Who's the Boss?" reboot."
Mr. Mayor
"[chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"Anyway, maybe I need"
Mr. Mayor
"to tighten up my "presentache""
Mr. Mayor
"before we take it to the mayor."
Mr. Mayor
"From the pitch yesterday, what would you cut?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, gosh, that's hard. It's so good."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, well, what would you say I have to keep?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I really responded to... graph."
Mr. Mayor
"- You narcoleptic skunk."
Mr. Mayor
"You fell asleep yesterday too!"
Mr. Mayor
"- I know. I'm so sorry!"
Mr. Mayor
"I haven't been sleeping. Please don't hurt me."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm your boss, but you can be boss."
Mr. Mayor
"What do you want for lunch?"
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, get it over with. Just hit me."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh."
Mr. Mayor
"[upbeat music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, no, what was that?"
Mr. Mayor
"That was so weird."
Mr. Mayor
"What did it mean? [squeaks]"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"[camera shutters clicking]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Well, if it isn't the man of the hour."
Mr. Mayor
"- I just want to put this whole thing behind me."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, said the farmer's daughter to the Bible salesman."
Mr. Mayor
"[chuckles] Sorry"
Mr. Mayor
"for the constant folksiness."
Mr. Mayor
"I think maybe I'm nostalgic"
Mr. Mayor
"for an America that never existed."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, sorry, we're gonna have to move this truck."
Mr. Mayor
"It's blocking the H in Hass Avocado Farms,"
Mr. Mayor
"so it, uh, looks like "Ass Avocado Farms.""
Mr. Mayor
"[laughs] - No, I can't move it."
Mr. Mayor
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