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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Avocado Crisis (S01E01)

"[distorted and echoing] Wet."
Mr. Mayor
"- And then I can't fall back asleep,"
Mr. Mayor
"Common street names include wa-wa, the drink, God's tears."
Mr. Mayor
"We live in a desert, which is why boring,"
Mr. Mayor
"and blah, blah, blah."
Mr. Mayor
"- Take some melatonin and watch a Cardi B ASMR video."
Mr. Mayor
"boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring,"
Mr. Mayor
"That's my move, and I sleep like a toddler."
Mr. Mayor
"boring, boring, boring, boring, boring..."
Mr. Mayor
"- Hmm."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, the end! - [snorts]"
Mr. Mayor
"Ah."
Mr. Mayor
"Hi."
Mr. Mayor
"- Makeup-free Monday, very brave."
Mr. Mayor
"Have you been talking for an hour?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No, I'm not sleeping. - Me neither."
Mr. Mayor
"I've been so excited to get into this with you."
Mr. Mayor
"- Doesn't feel like it, does it?"
Mr. Mayor
"So what do you say?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Right, your water table thing."
Mr. Mayor
"Take it to the mayor? Dazzle him?"
Mr. Mayor
"- You know it!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Well, it's a lot to absorb."
Mr. Mayor
"- Mm, um, I've actually got a meeting right now."
Mr. Mayor
"- Absorb. [chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Perfect, that'll give me time"
Mr. Mayor
"Water table humor."
Mr. Mayor
"to do some vocal warm-ups."
Mr. Mayor
"Water table, water table, ball gag."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, absorb away, you walking phreatic zone."
Mr. Mayor
"[both laugh]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"- A reference to the presentation."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm glad you came by, Adolphus."
Mr. Mayor
"- Holler if you have any questions."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, all my friends call me Adolph."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm available 24-7, 366 if it's a leap year."
Mr. Mayor
"- No, thank you. Go ahead, sit down."
Mr. Mayor
"[both laugh]"
Mr. Mayor
"I tell you, the Southland's avocado farmers"
Mr. Mayor
"- I saw you. You slept through Arpi's pitch."
Mr. Mayor
"- Delete that, and not just because"
Mr. Mayor
"are bearing the brunt of this crisis."
Mr. Mayor
"it's misogynist to take unflattering photos of women."
Mr. Mayor
"The first thing we need to figure out"
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, she's gonna kill you if she finds out."
Mr. Mayor
"is what's causing the shortage."
Mr. Mayor
"- I didn't mean to fall asleep."
Mr. Mayor
"- It's this drought we're having."
Mr. Mayor
"My farm's yields are lower than a limbo bar in Lilliput."
Mr. Mayor
"She just talked so much. Give me that."
Mr. Mayor
"- God, he's folksy. - You need water."
Mr. Mayor
"- Do you remember when she caught the chief of police"
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, it's the story of this city."
Mr. Mayor
"using his phone during a meeting?"
Mr. Mayor
"If only the LA River had water in it"
Mr. Mayor
"She made him cry, and he was at Fallujah."
Mr. Mayor
"instead of what I've been told is called pornography runoff."
Mr. Mayor
"I don't know if you know this, but not everyone here"
Mr. Mayor
"So how are we gonna fix this, Adolphus?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm glad you asked."
Mr. Mayor
"sees you as an authority figure."
Mr. Mayor
"See, I've been meeting with all the local mayors:"
Mr. Mayor
"- This is wrong."
Mr. Mayor
"I asked for half-and-half and a splash of Nestle Quik."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"- Be-because it's mine, because I'm your boss."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"."
Mr. Mayor
"- Kwapis, get in here."
Mr. Mayor
"People are upset because they want avocados"
Mr. Mayor
"and they can't get them. - Nodding, getting it."
Mr. Mayor
"- And I can't end the drought"
Mr. Mayor
"or make avocados magically appear,"
Mr. Mayor
"so how do you get a bone away from a dog?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Kiss it. - You distract it"
Mr. Mayor
"with something it wants even more."
Mr. Mayor
"- Mm. - Now, when did people become"
Mr. Mayor
"so obsessed with avocados in the first place?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Uh, 2013, LA restaurants"
Mr. Mayor
"started serving the Australian breakfast,"
Mr. Mayor
"which is boiled steak, Dunkaroos, and avocado toast."
Mr. Mayor
"- Avocados are just the latest well-branded LA health fad."
Mr. Mayor
"Over the years, I have put up billboards"
Mr. Mayor
"for everything from pine nuts to pomegranate juice,"
Mr. Mayor
"and no one liked those things until marketers told them to."
Mr. Mayor
"Did you know that quinoa"
Mr. Mayor
"was originally just Beanie Baby filler?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Well, then why does it say "do not eat" on the tag?"
Mr. Mayor
"- We just need to find the next fad."
Mr. Mayor
"We need to find something that's abundant,"
Mr. Mayor
"that's high in omega-3s,"
Mr. Mayor
"and that people don't yet think of as edible."
Mr. Mayor
"And then we rebrand it as..."
Mr. Mayor
"The avocado fish."
Mr. Mayor
"Don't listen to anyone who says its real name"
Mr. Mayor
"is the monkeyface eel."
Mr. Mayor
"It's not."
Mr. Mayor
"- And is it supposed to smell like that?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Absolutely."
Mr. Mayor
"Now, this superfood has all"
Mr. Mayor
"the healthy fats of an avocado"
Mr. Mayor
"with none of the pits,"
Mr. Mayor
"just twice the bones of a normal fish"
Mr. Mayor
"and a poisonous swim bladder."
Mr. Mayor
"- And so you're hoping that this will catch on?"
Mr. Mayor
"- It can do everything an avocado used to do."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Ana, help me mash these guys up, will you?"
Mr. Mayor
"Wait, you're not pregnant, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No. - All right, great, great."
Mr. Mayor
"Mash, mash, mash. [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Wow, and it's, uh, green, just like guacamole."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yup, now, eat it quick before it hardens."
Mr. Mayor
"Mmm."
Mr. Mayor
"[crunching]"
Mr. Mayor
"[groaning]"
Mr. Mayor
"Let's go to Chuck with the w-- Chuck with the weather."
Mr. Mayor
"- No one named Chuck works here."
Mr. Mayor
"- Just cut away."
Mr. Mayor
"- We'll be right back. - [retches]"
Mr. Mayor
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